THE MALDIVES

I was very surprised recently when my sister asked me if I would go with her on a trip recently.  Before I go any further, I should explain.  My sister is a long haul trolley dolly for monarch and gets week stops overs in exotic locatons around the world for free and I get to stay with her for free as well! Anyway back to the story.  I was surprised because the last trip she took me on, which was Goa India, I told her after the week was over I wasn't getting on the plane home, and was going to go off travelling on my own round India for a bit.  She almost had a heart attack!  Actually so did my mother, as they thought I would not come home alive, but hey, I'm still here!  The destination this time was to the Maldives, so it suddenly became quite apparent why she had invited me.  The Maldives is a group of islands in the middle of the Indian ocean, miles from any mainland. This equals:  Little chance of escape, for me to go off roaming again!  To be double sure as well, my sister insisted on me taking a suitcase instead of the usual rucksack.  I had to borrow one off my house mates as I actually don't own a suitcase.

After an 10 hour flight which, was worse than it should of been due to my big hangover after another wild house party in the Wick at Eric's Vinyl Pimp,  we arrived in paradise (Literally as this was the name of the island).  I always use to think when I was younger that the pictures in the magazines were not real.  The sky could not be that blue; the sea that clear and the sand that white, but believe me they are.  To be fair though I only had Blackpool as a reference point as a child!
The only thing with these islands is I do like to wander, which is a bit hard to do when you can walk round the place in under half around!  I stuck to snorkelling instead, which gave my sister another heart attack due to the strong currents and the fact I was swimming with sharks (They weren't that big though).

  There was a down side to this trip.  The music!  Me and my sister our very different, chalk and cheese in fact especially when it comes to music.  Having to listen to Cheryl Cole and Alexandra etc on repeat on the i Pod speakers nearly sent me over the edge.  I also didn't get a good response when I tried to put on the Velvet Underground and the Pixies, as it seems all the other air hostesses have the same taste in music as my sister!  So I listened to my music on my headphones, read and wrote a lot. I had some great writing material over there especially meeting my sisters fellow hostess who had OCD, told me she use to stalk her boyfriend to the point she brought a flat opposite his; is now going out with him, but won't let him meet any of her friends because she says he's so ugly!  Mad!  Definitely a good character for a book.

Back now in sunny England (Not!) and straight back into work (It sucks!), but am feeling relaxed and all the better for a week in the sun.  Also have a nice tan, but not leathery like the nan from Benidorm.  She is going back to India next month, maybe I can convince her to take me?

          OBSERVATIONS

• The magician at the hotel in the Maldives is not allowed to use doves anymore in his performance, as the week before we arrived he pulled it out of the hat and it flew straight into one of the ceiling fans.  There blood and feathers everywhere and a lot of opened mouthed kids sat in shock

• Why do I always get the old man sat next to me on the tube that smells of stale piss!

• Japanese honey moon couples don't actually talk to each other, they just go round with a camera on a tripod and take thousands of pictures of each other.  Remind me never to go to a Japanese holiday slide show, it must be like pulling teeth.  If you do go to one, take a big bottle of vodka: You'll need it!