THE ROUGH WITH THE SMOOTH

My mum said to me once, she always worries about me the most out of all her offspring, because I give the most reasons to, was her explanation. The loose cannon, I suppose. My friends, especially my housemates are very protective over me, trying to act like surrogate parents who want to steer me in the right direction, though most of the time their efforts end up in vain. There must be a side to my nature that people feel the need to look after me, or maybe it's me that wants it? Either way it's not good for me. I become this feeble little girl who believes she can't do anything for herself, I lose my confidence, I become reliant, and I lose a bit of Carly. You see underneath it all I'm very tuff and independent, I have just forgotten that. I always came on this trip to travel most of it on my own and get back that confidence I have lost in myself. I have been traveling with Angus now for nearly a month and as nice as it has been, I find that even on the other side of the world we have reverted to our roles of back home; Angus always helping me, protecting me and taking control and me the willing puppy. It was time to go our separate ways and it's time for me to take control again. So Angus went north to Belize and I headed out on a new chapter on my journey: SOLO! I have taken a boat from Panama to Colombia. What follows is my ships log of my time on the boat ( I think ships log sounds more dramatic than boat). OMG! What a journey!

SHIPS LOG DAY 1
After a very dodgy bus journey through Colon where the bus driver tried to get more money out of me (I refused with a Kevin) I finally make it to the port of Portebelo. As my boat was now leaving in the evening I had the whole day there. I stored my bag in at a bar called Captain Jacks and as it seemed the place to be in town I decided to have lunch there. I soon realise this is the place that all the Captains of the boats hang out and sat as the only girl at the bar I soon have them all talking to me. Now most of these guys are old enough to be my dad but it really doesn't stop them and in no time I get a beer brought for me and a free boat ride round the bay with an American sailor called Russ. I'm also asked by Keith the Captain from Hackney if I have ever poled danced, because I really should as I have a great little figure!!! I also have Marco the French canadian captain asking me what boat I'm going with and that I should leave it and come sailing with him. He is saying all this while hugging me and kissing my forehead. I think Marco wants to take me home with him and do very bad things to me!!! The main conversation at the bar is about the serial killer captain that has been killing backpackers and was arrested 3 weeks ago, who use to drink at this bar. I thought they were joking! It turns out there not! I then turn round to find a guy in front of me with an eye patch. Yes! A eye patch, I'm not joking!!! I realised on that note it was time for me to leave, though I actually loved it there and wished I could of stayed longer. It had so many characters. I boarded my boat which is called the sancanagem and captained by Fredrico a French Brazilian. My fellow passengers are a Belgium called Ken ( I know!), two young English guys called Matt and Nathan, a Canadian couple called travis and I can't remember the girls name, I'm sure I'll get to know it and an Israeli called Asif. They all seem very pleasant if not a little young, some of them. So we set sail with our main supply being alcohol. Now Fredrico had warned us this was going to be a rough crossing which most people ignored and started drinking, especially the English guys who got pissed in no time. He was right; the sea was terrible. I was sensible for once in my life and did not drink, not like it helped or the sea sickness tablets I had taken, as I was sick; violently! A least I was not the first to go, Travis and Asif went before me. Unfortunately I didn't stop. I was sick all night until there was nothing left in body to give. If this is day one God help me!

SHIP LOG DAY 2
Day 2 seemed to merge into day 1 as I did not sleep one wink last night. I only emerged from my cabin when I felt the sea was calmer and I heard we had arrived in the San Blas islands. I was so weak I could hardly walk but I hauled my self on to deck and collapsed on the floor at the back of the boat and then I did what I didn't think was possible anymore. I threw up again! The guys were worried about me so threw a bucket of cold water over me to revive me. You know when you have those moments in life this was one of them. I'm collapsed on the back of a boat, dripping wet, with sick in my hair, with yesterday's clothing on, I'm pale and can hardly walk and I'm thinking I paid to do this! And you know what I did? I laughed. I laughed hysterically. Everyone must of thought I was losing it. Then Travis ran up next to me and threw up over the side. It only made me laugh more. Life's moments hey!
The rest of today has been spent getting fluid and food back into my body which is hard when you feel sick, but I have to as I feel so weak. We took the boat over to Porvenir island to see the Kuna people, who are all like migets and kept trying to sell us stuff we don't want as usual. The most entertaining part of this excursion was the English toffs that turned up from some huge lords ship that's sailing around. They looked like proper sloane rangers and came and asked us, "where one could partake in a little bit of marijuana?" The guy who asked this was wearing pink linen shorts. Need I say anymore.
I retired to bed early tonight as I could hardly keep my eyes open. Everyone looks very red. I think their all sunburnt? I can hear the English guys getting pissed again!

SHIPS LOG DAY 3
I awoke feeling much better today. Almost human in fact. Fredrico moved the boat onto chi chi may island or paradise as I would call it. The San Blas islands are some of the most beautiful I have ever seen. Throwing up none stop seems worth it now. We gained a new passenger today; a Dutch guy called Miguel ( well that's what he calls himself as no one can pronounce his real name). He seems very nice as do all my fellow passengers. Not much to report today other than the English boys got drunk again and still don't know the Canadian girl's name!

SHIPS LOG DAY 4
I woke up this morning looking like Mick Jaggers love child as my bottom lip was very swollen. It seems I have had an allergic reaction to something. What I don't know! This a long with the big coral cut on my foot is not really great, but there is nothing I can do. The wind has got up and we delay moving. Also another backpackers boat has sailed in from Portobelo. The captain tells Fredrico the weather was so bad he is scared to do the rest of the journey and wants to sail his boat with us. Fredrico sits us all down and tells us that we must not tell the other backpackers that their captain is scared. He also tells us the weather is really bad and we might be stranded here for a bit as it's too dangerous to sail to Cartagena. Even though Fredrico is a bit serious and grumpy sometimes he is a good captain and would never endanger us or the boat, unlike some of the captains I am starting to learn about who drink too much and don't care about anything. I am lucky to be on his boat, there are too many cowboys out there. The wind calms a little and we sail to the Hollandise islands. On the way though Fredrico starts to panic, because coming straight towards is a massive sail boat and it does not seem to be changing it's course. He gets on the radio but it's still heading towards us. As we are heading with the wind it's harder to change our course, but we have too and so it's all hands on deck as we rush around to change our course and save our boat. Fredrico manages to just in time and as the other boat sails by, Fredrico uses cunnard, mother f**cker and some thing in Italian that I don't think is very nice as I've heard the Italians in my building say it a few times. The other boats captains response was to grab his balls. It turns out they were Italian and very stoned. Very scary. I'm starting to think this journey is not without it's dangers.
Tonight, with us all in good spirits we rowed to a new island and gathered wood and made a bon fire. We drank and chatted to the early hours and later I sat on deck with ken, Miguel and Asif and drank rum. The English guys got really drunk again. Still don't know the Canadians girls name but it's too late to ask now. Lip swelling has gone down. A good day.

SHIPS LOG DAY 5
I am woken by the wind howling outside and to find my lips are now blistered: what the hell! It turns out I have had a reaction to all the salt water. I go on deck and see the waves in the distance; there huge. Fredrico says they are the worst waves he has seen in two years and that it is too dangerous to start our journey to Cartagena. We are stranded here, but I guess there are worst places to be stranded in than paradise. We swim, sun bathe, eat, the boys get obsessed with spear fishing and the
English boys have ran out of beer so can't get drunk anymore (thank the lord!) Oh! I also found out the Canadian girls name: it's Lauren! Thank God for that!

SHIPS LOG DAY 6
I slept well last night. I needed too. Today we leave. The waves have died down enough, but it is still going to be a rough crossing. I'm filled with a sense of dread. I could quite happily stay here forever, being cut off from everything and everyone, but leave we must. I eat just a bread roll and sit myself up on deck with my I pod, cut myself off from everyone and focus. I am determined not to be sick. The other boat with the backpackers and the scared captain is following us. The journey starts well. I focus all day and don't really speak to anyone. The sea gets rougher and by the end of the day I feel exhausted and really sick. I force myself to eat some noodle soup, which is hard when the boat is rocking so much. As I'm feeling to ill to sleep down below, Miguel takes my cabin and I take his place on deck. I try my best to sleep but the boat is rocking so badly and the next thing I know, a wave crashes on to deck and throws me to the ground leaving me soaked to the bone. Fredrico tries his best to dry me off, to no avail. There is nothing left to do but to lie down wet and try to go to sleep. I'm really scared now as the boat is rocking so bad and things are flying around everywhere. I close my eyes and wait for the morning.

SHIPS LOG DAY 7
I haven't slept all night and I feel as sick as a dog. The sea is still rough and I finally lose my battle. I go to end of the boat and throw up. We have lost the other backpackers boat during the night. Fredrico tries to radio contact them but there is no response. There is nothing we can do but hope they are OK. I sit at the back of the boat in a trance like state; not awake; not asleep; just out of it. Matt the English guy feels guilty to see me in such a sorry state when he feels perfectly fine, so he decides he wants to make me feel better. He does this by playing me his Xmas songs of Rudolph the deep throat reindeer and Frosty the pervert. Crude, tasteless and extremely stupid it's just what I need with the whole silly situation and I can't stop laughing. It's true laugher is the best medicine. Then the waves started to calm and I became a little bit human again. I hope that the worst is over with as my body can't take much more. I am sleeping on deck again as I have decided, getting wet is better than being sick.

SHIPS LOG DAY 8
I didn't sleep again all night and I'm wet again, so while everyone is still asleep I get up on deck and decide to watch the sunrise. With the first rays of light I get to finally see Colombia. Then something magical happened. A dolphin jumped out of the water in front of me and swam a long the boat. It was a beautiful moment and I'm glad I'm the only one that saw it (how selfish)! Suddenly the misery of the last two days seems a distant memory. After a couple of hours Cartagena comes into view. I have never been so glad to see somewhere in my life. I haven't had a proper wash in over a week, I'm wearing the same clothes I have worn and slept in for the past 3 days, I smell, I have blistered lips, my hair is forming dreadlocks and I haven't really eaten or slept for the past 2 days. As we get ready to leave ship Fredrico comes up to me and says "well done"! He says I have suffered more than anyone on the boat and have never moaned once, and for the first time in ages I realise I can look after myself, even in the toughest situations. It's a good feeling. I guess life is all about taking the rough with the smooth.