DON'T CROSS WITH ME!

They say in life, you should be careful what you ask for. I found this case to be true recently. In my time in Nosara I hadn't seen rain in over a month. Towards the end the heat became suffocating, making it impossible to sleep at night and the roads! Don't get me going on the roads! They are just untarmaced dirt tracks which turn into dust bowls the dryer it gets. This meant everytime you went outside you would come back looking like you had been sent down a mine. Not very attractive! So I found myself wishing for something I never thought I would: RAIN! Well I certainly got it. Just not at the right bloody time or place! Yes! We got to Bocas del Toro and it just didn't stop raining for days, and when I mean rain, I mean rain! It's the kind that is so heavy it wakes you at night; the kind that doesn't stop ALL day; the kind that you have have to take your shoes off and wade around the streets bare feet in! Lesson learnt: don't wish for rain again! In fact don't wish for anything, just to be safe.
The journey to Bocas was a long one. After being on another sauna of a bus for hours we arrived at the border town of Sixola. Now from experience I hate border towns. They are complete shit holes and this one did not disappoint! After being stamped out of Costa Rica by a guy who really wouldn't care if I was Osama Binladen we then had to cross no mans land by some shit bridge, which you had to be careful on as there with so many gaps it was quite easy to fall through it! We also had to peg it across as they were trying to drive a big lorry truck across it which would of squashed us all like flies! So when I get to the another side, the last thing I want to hear is some guy telling me I have to pay out cash if I want to go any further. Right!
RULE ONE:
Don't mess with me when I'm tried!
RULE TWO:
Don't mess with me when I'm hot and bothered!
RULE THREE:
Don't mess with me, I'm from Warrington!
When I'm angry I get blunt! He told me I had to pay $20 to get a return bus ticket to San Jose because I had no plane ticket out of there. "No I don't!" was my response. In fact it was the response to every thing he said to me. As I was being difficult he passed me over to woman and told me to explain my self to her. As I was so vexed I couldn't be bothered to try and even attempt Spanish so just said everything in English in a Spanish accent for special needs people? It really shouldn't of helped my case but I think she got so pissed off with me, and she just wanted to get rid of me! Then I got to customs. They tried to charge me for what I don´t know as they only spoke Spanish. I was just shouting "porque!" and "no entiendo"! So basically I was having a Kevin in Panamanian customs! For you who don't know, Kevin is my alter ego which basically means I throw a tantrum and sulk like a stroppy teenager. Anyway we got through though I did have to give the bastards $3! We then had to get a taxi the other side to get the last water taxi to Bocas. Even though are driver was a nutter we still could have been a lot quicker if hadn't picked up all his friends and family and dropped them off everywhere. When we do get to the water taxi it's so full there is no way they can get more people on it, can they? Oh yes they can? They pile us all in and the boat is only just keeping above the water. Health and safety, we think not! So we make it to Bocas but it's only a bloody Saturday and everywhere is full! After finding a room for more than we wanted to pay, we were exhausted, hot and dirty. There is only one thing to do then! Get drunk on caipirinha's! Bad hangover the next day!
Next stop Panama city.

OBSERVATIONS
* My loyal hot pants that have been with me since me and Becky B cut my jeans up in Vietnam, maybe on their last legs. Well actually I might get done for indecent exposure as they are fraying away and barely cover my arse and fru fru!

* Local men in Bocas like to call you baby a lot. Don't call me baby!!!

* Our new land lady, a German called Heike, never seems to not have a cigarette in her mouth: watering the plants: taking the rubbish out: doing the gardening etc. Great hostel though.

* Went scuba diving for the first time the other day. This is quite an achievement as I'm really scared of deep water. It was even more worrying as most of the dive team seemed stoned!

* Warning: Don´t go on a 18k bike ride in the midday sun with out water, up hill. Not very pleasant. Was so exhausted I could hardly peddle and couldn´t even throw a Kevin! Angus was not even out of breath. Dam it.

* The rain has stopped and its bloody hot here now. Yeah!

* The tan is looking pretty bloody good, if I say so myself.