TOLEDO: SOLA

While I was with Martin, he told me something interesting. The word Tapas does not just mean a type of food. It means food that is shared. This sums up Spain totally for me. Everything in this country is about sharing; family comes first; community is important and socialising runs deep in people's veins. I thought the south Americans were a friendly race but it seems the Spanish are just as nice, if not even more. It made me think what a cold, odd bunch, we British are. Actually underneath it all we are not, just a little bit repressed, and not sure how to express our emotions properly, hence we drink too much (Well that's the excuse I give to other nations every time I see ANOTHER drunk Brit collapsed or puking in the street)!

So I'm sat at a train station in Madrid waiting for a train to Toledo, and I'm feeling quite sorry for myself, as I've messed up the time I could of had with Martin and I'm nervous about being on my own all of a sudden. I hate it when one feels sorry for themselves as I think it's a little bit pathetic. I decide to snap myself out of it. Besides I tell myself, why the hell are you nervous about traveling for 3 days in Spain on your own; you have just spent the last 5 months traveling around south America on your own! Sort it out!
I arrive at Toledo, and realise I haven't got a clue where I'm going to stay, so I ask my taxi driver in bad Spanish to take me to the cheapest place he knows. He drops me near a small hotel on the outskirts of the old walls of the city and puts me into the care of the owner (A friend of his), a middle age señora who has a face like a bull dog chewing on a wasp. I'm a bit scared of her.
"How many people?" she barks at me in Spanish.
" Just me" I reply quickly
"What! Your on your own?"
"Si. Estoy sola" I reply.
She suddenly softens. Oh my God! I think she feels sorry for me. No I don't want you to feel sorry for me!
"Porque (Why)? She now asks.
That's a bit bloody personal I think, but as I'm still scared of her I answer, in bad Spanish.
"I was working in Spain and now I'm on vacation". I was going to tell her that I actually might not have been on my own, if I'd hadn't of messed up by not being open with a guy, but as I don't have the words to say that in Spanish I think we would have been there till Christmas, and besides she was already starting to look bored. She shows me to my room. Within in 5 minutes of being there I manage to lock myself out of my room, then I can't open the door when I get another key, and I can't get the wi-fi to work (How the hell did I survive in South America)! This seems to annoy señora a lot as it keeps interrupting her cigarette. I don't think this is a bad thing though as I thinks she smokes to much anyway.

As I set out on a walk of the city, señora and her husband (who believe it or not is quite handsome and younger than her; well done señora!) give me a detailed map and instructions as by now señora believes I am totally useless and shouldn't really be let loose on my own.
Now I'd read about Toledo and Martin had told me it was one of the most beautiful places in Spain. It also use to be the old capital of Spain before Madrid. It didn't disappoint. The medieval city perched high on a hill is one of the most beautiful cities I have ever seen. It is also very romantic! As I walked round all I could see were couples walking round, kissing and holding hands. Great! Just what I need I thought. Toledo as well as being pretty is a complete maze and in no time I'm completely lost amongst the narrow medieval streets. While looking a señora's map for the hundredth time, thinking, "Wasn't I on this street five minutes ago"? I notice a man watching me, smoking a cigarette. As I walked on I realised he was too. Fifteen minutes later with the map back out, he's still there following me and not making a very good job of disguising it. It's nearly dark now, I'm totally lost still and starving. I find the nearest restaurant, and sit down. My stalker decides on the same restaurant and sits down at a table opposite mine and just sits there staring at me, still smoking a cigarette. Great! The waiter comes over and whacks down two menu's with the impression that someone is coming to joining me.
"No. I only need one. I'm alone" I say in Spanish.
"Oh! Sorry" he said.
The stalker is still staring and smoking. I decide I want paella as I'm in Spain and I haven't had any yet. The waiter returns to take my order.
"I'll have the paella please".
"I'm sorry but the paella is for two people, it's not a single person dish".
What! What! I'm on my own, due to my own doing, in probably one of the romantic places I have been to, I'm totally lost, starving, I've got some freak stalker sat there just smoking and staring at me like he has done for the last half an hour and all I want is a bloody paella and you can't give it to me because I'm SOLA!!! Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrgggggggggghhhhhhhhh!!! Of course I don't say this as I'm English. I just smile and ask for the salad instead.
I decide to call it a night and lose the stalker, finally find my way back to the hotel and sit content on my bed. A bit of telly before bed, I think to myself. I switch the telly on to find a couple making love. Double arrrrrrrrrrrggggggghhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!

I loved my time in Toledo but I didn't feel comfort being on my own there, which is strange for someone who has travelled half the world on her own. I felt wave of comfort at the thought of going back to Madrid, as I sat waiting for the train. That was until I got sat with three American women, who during my 45 minute journey with them, didn't let me get a word in edge ways, but I don't think I could of spoke if they let me anyway, as I was to busy staring at their bad plastic surgery! They were also fanning themselves every two seconds with their fans, which I wondered was, because they were soooooo plastic they thought they might be melting in the heat. During my journey I learnt or was told that I should travel the world as much as possible (I actually have but you didn't give me the chance to say that), to have as many lovers as possible (One of them did ask me if I was single, but didn't wait for the reply), and make sure there as rich as possible (Well if you had asked me if I was materialistic or false, I would of reply, NO)! I guess it was a interesting journey though.

I checked into a hostel, with the guy behind the front desk thinking he was pretty smooth asking me where I had just come from.
"Toledo" I replied
"And did you like it?" he asked
"Yes! It was very beautiful"!
"Not as beautiful as you. You are more beautiful than Toledo" he said. Oh my God! He must think I was born yesterday. I bet he says that to every girl that comes here.
As I settle into my dormitory a fellow roomy checks in. She is another American and looks very nervous.
"I've never stayed in a hostel before" she tells me, " but this one looked nice on the Internet and the guy at the front is very nice. He just told me I was the most beautiful girl in the hostel!"
I knew it! She then asks me if I'm on my own. I tell her I was with a friend, and then a guy, but now I'm on my own. This seems to make her think that I'm good person to talk to then? The next thing I know I'm being told her whole life story, how she has left to travel because some guy in New York has broke her heart. She looks like she's going to cry. Oh no! She is! I've only known her 5 minutes. I don't really know what to do.
"Well there are plenty more fish in sea. Anyway I really have to go and get something to eat. Bye!"
I know I'm heartless.

I found myself a restaurant in a square and sat with my book and watched the world go by. It was there on my last night in Spain that I realised I was once again happy in my own company and it felt good. It's alright to be sola, I thought.