URUGUAY:ACT YOUR AGE!

I'm so loving being 29 again! Really I am. It's so much better the second time round. I'm mean I'm so much more in control and confident and I'm not having a break down because my boyfriend has left me for another woman. Yes! It's so much better. OK, I know what your thinking! "Carly your not 29, your 34!" Well yes I am 34, but I'm in Uruguay, and in Urugauy I'm 29! Why? Well it seems that me and Prue have been reverting back to our youth. Because? Well the story goes a little something like this.

Once upon a time there were two girls called Carly and Prue, who lived in London, but who had become tired working all the hours God sent and dating wankers so they decided to leave it all behind and go on a adventure to South America. After 14 hours worth of flights with Iberia (The easy Jet of long haul: God Dam awful!) they arrived in Latin America. They decided to head straight to beach, so got a ferry to Uruguay. They get to Montevideo and decide to get a bus to La Paloma. The bus is full. So Carly thinks of some others names she has read and the first thing she can think of is Punta del Diablo. The next thing they know, they are standing at the bus staton in Puta del diablo with there bags, thinking "Where the Hell are we?" Luckily some guys come in their car and tell them they work for a hostel and drive them there, and this is kind of the way it all started.
We arrive at the hostel but it's more like some big house where the owner has his friends stay over. It's full of cats, dogs, people passed out on sofas and some guy skateboarding around. It's like a Hippie commune.
"We will take it" we reply.
"OK" says the guy "So there is a bar downstairs and we have bands every night. They usually start at 1am."
1am! Me and Prue look at each other. I guest there is no rest for the wicked.
We decide to explore the town which is a lot bigger than we think. It becomes quite clear that we are the only Gringos in town, which seems quite scary as we will have to inflict our bad Spanish on people. Another thing that is also clear is that everyone seems quite young and beautiful here. The
Latin's as a race, are really quite stunning. Their dark tans and thick black hair make us Anglo Saxons look very ugly in comparison. It's later that night when still surrounded by the beautiful young people, that Prue turns to me and says "I think we should lie about our age a little bit, what do you think?" Now the last time I think I lied about my age was when I was 16 and trying to be 18 so I could get into Mr Smiths nightclub in Warrington (Those were the days)? I'm always saying now, how happy I am in my thirties, why should I lie about my age. It shouldn't really matter! Then second thoughts!
"OK" I reply "What do you think we can get away with?"
"29?"
"29 is good for me?"
"So we are both agreed if anyone asks how old we are, we are both 29" says Prue.
"Deal!"
So that's how I became 29 again.

It wasn't actually that bad being the only Gringas in town as we seem quite a novelty and get lots of attention. Well male attention that is. I once asked a Latin guy why they give western women so much attention when the Latin women were far more beautiful than us.
"Because you are exotic to us" was his response.
"I'm from Warrington! There is nothing exotic about that!" Was my response.
We seem to be surrounded by guys. New men keep appearing and introducing themselves to us. There are two in particular that stick to us, and keep giving us red wine to drink straight from the bottle. They are pretty drunk and so are we, so it kind of works. We can't remember there actual names, so we call them Robert Pattison and Gerald Butler as they look like them, but Latin versions
and only really Like Gerald Butler in 300 as he has the same beard. We play pool, we drink and then we sit by the hippie commune bonfire and then they ask us our age. Me and Prue look at each other.
"29" we say together.
It turns out they are both 29 too. Phew!!!!
The next thing I know we are walking hand in hand (me with Robert Pattison and Prue with Gerald Butler) up the dirt track away from the commune. Not far into that walk I find my self kissing Robert Pattison. I open my eyes and look over my shoulder. A few meters away I can see Prue doing the same with Gerald Butler. I'm on a dirt track kissing some guy I just met after drinking red wine straight from the bottle with him (Whiskey too)! I feel like I'm 18. It's at this moment it occurs to me I'm not 18. I'm not even 29! I'm 34!
"I can't do this! I have to go to bed" I say to Robert Pattison.
"Your going?" he asks a little surprised.
"Yes!" I start walking.
"Prue I'm going to bed!" I shout as I walk past her, still in the throws of a passionate kiss.
About 15 minutes after I'm tucked up in bed, Prue walks in. I guess she had the same realisation too. We giggle like school girls. It's about 5am? It's time to go to bed.
We wake the next morning a little hazy from the night before but decide to hit the beach and get started on our tans. We find Robert Pattison and Gerald Butler asleep on one of the sofas outside. There is a person on a skateboard in the kitchen. Cats and dogs on the stairs. Yes everything seems just like normal in the hippie commune. In fact we have seem to have made a few friends last night as everyone is smiling and saying hello to us. I don't remember talking to half these people never mind
their names, nor does Prue. Well that would be a good first impression night that the drunk English
girls made.

In Europe, it's totally normal to go topless. We love it. Here in South America it's a big no, no! In fact I think it's illegal in most countries here. Me and Prue find this very frustrating as there is no better way to get an even tan than getting your breasts out. It's so liberating as well. The thing in South America is, they may not want to get their breasts out but they have no problems with getting their
asses out. Nearly every woman wears a bikini bottom where the back looks like a piece of dental
floss. Basically it's all about the ass here. Me and Prue look at our modestly cut English bikini bottoms. They totally cover our asses. We feel like an old woman. Actually no, because most of the old women have their crinkly old asses on display. We feel embarrassed because we are not showing our asses! You feel weird if your not, but then the whole concept of feeling weird because you having got your ass on display is just weird too! Me and Prue decide that the only thing to do is push our bikinis up our bottoms to try and create a thong. It feels weird (that word again!)  and you feel the need to pull it back out again, only to push it back up again. I can tell you now it's a very exposing thing to walk into the sea with half your ass hanging out, even though I wouldn't think twice if it's my breasts! The traumas of bikinis in South American style hey!

Latin men! My observations of Latin men are this:
1. I'm extremely attracted to most of them.
2. They are very chauvinistic!
3. They are very arrogant.
4. They like sex a lot. I mean most men do, but Latin men: A lot!
5. I wouldn't trust one as far as you could fling one.
The next night me and Prue find ourselves with a herd of men around us again. One in particular who we call big Nancho has eyes for Prue. He's all over her. We find him good company and he's very intelligent and funny. His friends too. It's such a change from London where guys only look at you if the wasted. They are open and don't hold back. Big Nancho tries his best but doesn't get anywhere with Prue, but we like him and would like to keep hanging out with him. The next day we see him again but his attitude has totally changed towards us. Most of his friends as well. They can't really be bothered to even talk to us. It's such a change from the day before. Me and Prue are totally shocked by this total turn around in their behaviour.  I know they didn't get in to our knickers but a least they could try and be friendly to us instead of pretending we don't exist anymore.
The next night while trying to have an early night me and Prue find ourselves at the bar again as it was impossible to sleep when the band started at 1am again. We kind of thought if you can't beat them, you may as well join them. We are being ignored by the guys still. So me and Prue get talking to a young Argentinean guy. He's sweet but nothing more. Prue leaves and before I know it I am now left with a now very drunk young Argentinean guy who keeps trying to kiss me. I keep turning my face away.
"Why don't you want to kiss?" He pleads
"Because I don't fancy you and your a bit young for me." He is 23 and that's even too old for me at 29!
"Then why are you talking to me?" He responds.
"Because it's nice to talk to people. It's friendly. I can talk to a man without wanting anything. I have lots of male friends in England. I live with 3 guys in London. Do you have no female friends?"
"No!" He seems confused by this concept. I see it's completely lost on him, the thought of being friends with a woman without having anything sexual with her. Impossible! I see things are different here and for once in my life I have a moment where I miss English men. This is for me the problem with Latin men! We leave the next day. It's time to start acting our age again, what ever that is?  Next stop Buenos Aires!