A LITTLE PIECE OF HEAVEN ON EARTH: ILHA GRANDE

People travel for many reasons.  Some to find their inner self; some to learn and be cultural, others to party and have sex with as many people as possible! Some like myself are looking for something: We are looking for that little piece of heaven you can find on earth.  When you find this you see the world at its most beautiful and its the best feeling ever.  Addictive as well, because people always want a little bit more of heaven.
It was sad when Prue left but not strange as me and BB had travelled together before round India a couple of years ago on a very eventful trip, which included me collapsing with a chest infection and her getting a nose infection that spread to her eyes, which left them blood shot, so after that I think we could of coped with anything?  We decided to go to the Island of Ilha Grande 3 hours from Rio.  We sat on a cramped small bus, being flung around by a driver who thought he was the new Arton Senna, which really didn't help my hangover that I was trying to deny after another Caipirinha night.  As my head hit the ceiling for the God knows what time as we went over another bump too fast again,  I heard a bang from behind us.  The man sat behind us had dropped his  i Pad.   His eye caught our eyes and he then began;
"This driver is God Dam crazy. He is going to kill us!" he said in a very thick French accent and then began to laugh and the guy next to him started, followed by me and BB.  We got talking to them.  They were a French couple from Paris Medi and Nicola.  I could tell instantly they were gay and they were very open about it.  They were also extremely funny.  Medi who was originally from Algeria was the chilled one who took everything in his stride.  Nicola who was a harpist (One of the best in the world I was told) was a little bit more highly strung, and hated not being on time for anything, as he was getting stressed we were already late and were going to miss the boat for the island.  For the rest of the journey we chatted away with them and by the end of it they said:
"Girls! We must have drinks and food together tonight!  Lets meet by the tree over there, at 8pm and don't be late!"
Its 8pm we are sat at the tree where we said we would meet.  We have been here 5 minutes already to make sure we are not late, which was quite an achievement with BB as she is usually late.  Its is now 8.20pm and no sign of the French.  "We have been stood up! and by  2 gay guys as well.  Its not just straight men that our disappointing" I think to myself.  Me and BB decide to give up the wait and settle at the nearest table.  About 15 minutes later Medi eventually finds us at our table. He looks a bit worse for wear.
"I'm so sorry" he explains "well me and Nicola we went to the beach in the day and we decided to have a caipirinha and then we decided to have another one, and then another and the next thing we know we are completely drunk!"
"Drunk French people! Amazing" I think to myself "It doesn't happen enough!"
"Where is Nicola?" We ask.
"He's coming in a bit"
Surely enough, the man who never likes to be late turns up over an hour late. He is even more drunk than Medi and seems to be quite sun burnt too. We enquire if he is OK, as he orders another Caipirinha.
"I'm good, I had such a lovely day" he says merrily "We drank and lay on the beach and I was rolling around with lots of chickens!" He then proceeds to show us photos of him drunk frolicking around with lots of chickens in his swimwear.  He's completely mad and I love it!  They order more Caipirinhas  and become drunker and louder to the point that all the nearing tables stop and stare at the table of loud gringo's.  Its at this point I realise that our nations have had a role reversal.  Isn't it the English that are meant to be drunk, sun burnt and badly behaved, not the French?  The night carried on with more caipirinhas and their fun, great company.  French people are great fun when they want to be.

The next day me and BB decided to venture to the beaches for which Ilha Grande is famous for. To get to them you either had trek through the jungle for 3-4 hours in the blazing hot sun or you can do what we did and get a water taxi (Not really a hard decision)!  We decided to go Lopes Mendes which we had heard was the most beautiful of all the beaches.  The boat dropped us on the other side of a narrow bit of the island, as no boats are actually allowed to go into Lopes Mendes, so you have to trek across a hill for 30 minutes! "What a pain in the Ass!" I thought, as we set off on the trek.  Once again it being me and BB, we had set off in the midday sun, when most of the locals were walking back after a morning session.  Sweat was dripping from our bodies and I'm suddenly finding myself in a foul mood!  The good thing about finding heaven is, it doesn't matter how badder mood you are in: Heaven can change the worse feelings in the world into a moment of beauty, and that's what happened when I reached the end of that 30 minute trek, pouring in sweat, hot, thirsty and not feeling the best.  We saw a little bit of heaven on earth and it beamed at us in all its glory and any bad feelings I had, subsided and where replaced with this over whelming feeling of happiness, and you need nothing more than this.  Lopes Mendes was just as beautiful if not more, as everyone had said.  A long stretch of white sand for as far as the eye could see, bordered with turquoise clear waters which were crowned with deep blue skies.  There was not a building in site apart from a rustic life guard shack.  There were no boats, no tacky souvenir shops, bars or touts.  The few people there was either basked in the sun and the waves or hid from the heat under the palms that lined the beach.  Heaven it truly was, but words don't do justice to heaven, because to truly feel heaven you have to see it with your own eyes.

Its hard to figure out what to do with yourself after having a little taste of paradise of which me and BB had experienced that day.  So we did the next best thing we knew which was to head to the bar and have Caiparinhas!!! Me and BB where sat in the "Happening" bar of the island that night, quite content in each others company when a guy approaches our table.  He's tall olived skin with a mop of dark curly hair. He's also extremely confident.
"Hi ladies, me and my friends, wonder whether you would like to join us for a drink?"  Me and BB look at each other.  "Why not?"
We sit down at their table. The instigator David, who has a slight American accent, lives in Sao Paulo.  Another is Raphael who is tall, fair with a warm friendly comic personality and who is also carrying a graze on his cheek from a fishing accident early that day, and then there is Thomas!  They are all French, but I had already figured that out before.  Since I have started travelling I have this habit of scanning a room and trying to figure out where people are from.  I couldn't really tell from David; Maybe  a little from Raphael, but Thomas yes! I can tell he is French.  He has that brooding moody look and doesn't smile much.  So that makes him French!  I decide to call him "Happy" due to this.  I sit down opposite him.  "He does have beautiful eyes though!" I think to myself.  We start talking.  It turns out he has a good sense of humour too.  Actually he's quite funny.  After one too many Caiparinias we find ourselves at the beach, where for some reason David thinks its a good idea to go for a skinny dip.  I try to be terribly English and try not to look, but of course I can't help but catch a glimpse and its at this point that I realise that David is Jewish (Figure it out)!  As David wades back to the shore after his little outing in the waves, there is a group of local men waiting for him.  Now let me explain something.  Brazil is probably one of the most sexual places I have ever been on my travels, where everything oozes sex, people stand around in trunks and bikini's that leave very little to the imagination, and monogamy isn't a very popular word. All that said Brazil still prides itself on being very religious and family orientated, so God help anyone who decides to go naked in public as David was about to find out.  The men approached him straight away and start shouting.  David who seems quite drunk, doesn't really seem to give a shit, which I think annoys them more.  David lives in Brazil, speaks the language, and clearly knows the customs, and that doing something like this is going to get him in trouble.  He acts dumb and says he's on holiday from France and its OK to go naked in France, which it is (The French love to get naked).   There is a point where I think he might get lynched or a least punched in the face, until another local guy cuts in and calms the situation.  David dresses and we decide to leave the beach before he decides to strip off again.  The guys walk us back to our guest house and wander off up the road, saying they are off to do some star gazing.  What the Hell!

The next day me and BB decided to take a boat tour round the island.  Its eventful for the fact that we seem to get adopted by the Brazilian family on the trip with us who can't speak a word of English and we no Portuguese, which makes communication interesting. We also I realise that we can't tell straight men and gay from one another in Brazil as straight men seem to dress just as camp here, especially in the swimwear department.  That night BB goes to bed early as she is not feeling well.  I bump into the little guy who's name I can't pronounce, who works at our guest house.  Through my shit Spanish I make out that there is a Samba band playing at the church square, and he wanted to know if I would go with him.  I wasn't in the mood for an early night (rarely am) so I say yes.  We walk to the square and as he said, there is a band playing Samba music.
I soon notice that the little guy with unpronounceable name is flirting with me. As he comes up to my chest and there is a big language barrier I'm really not interested. I suddenly spy the Frenchies at a table in a bar next to the square, sipping on caipirinhas.
"Oh I have to go and say hi to my friends. Bye!" I say as I dash away from unpronounceable name. I've never been so glad to see French people in my life and have soon resided myself with them sipping caipirinhas at the table. I'm quite happy, great music, great drinks and great company. Well that is until someone starts a fight in the square and the next thing there is smashed glass everywhere and the local police whacking the hell out of people with their batons. This ends the music and the festivities. We sit through the whole fight still drinking our caipirinhas watching the whole spectacle as if it's some nightly performance put on for the tourists.
Later, after a few too many Caipirinhas (Caipirinhas seem to feature in this blog a lot!) I find myself alone near the beach talking to Thomas. I'm not quite sure where the others are as I'm feeling a bit blurry. I like talking to "Happy." I like his humour and we get on, and he has the most beautiful eyes. It's at this point I realise I'm completely attracted to him. Oh shit! He suggests he walks me home. As we are saying good night outside my guest house, we linger a little bit too long and the next thing I know we are kissing the faces off each other. I like it and he's a good kisser.  I don't know how long this went on for but then in the corner of my eye I can see David and Raphael coming up the path. I freak out and push him off and shout "Goodnight. Bye!" And run off inside like a scared school girl.
Now I can't really remember a lot of what happened next. Most of this account comes from BB telling me the next day, but it kinda of goes something like this. I stumble into the room and bang around a lot.
"BB! Are you awake?" No response.
"BB! Are you a sleep?" I shout
"I was!" Responds BB.
"I kissed that French guy! Thomas!" I say drunkenly.
"He has a girlfriend you know?"
"Yes! I know! What am I doing? I'm meant to be going back to Uruguay to see Nico? I like Nico don't I? BB am I a bad person?"
"No carls! Your drunk and Nico is not your boyfriend so you are a free agent! Besides Frenchie does have beautiful eyes!" She replies.
"I know he does doesn't he. I'm been thinking that for a while now! Beautiful eyes! Hiccup!"
"Right I'm going back to sleep Carls" responds BB.
More banging around in the dark continues until:
"BB!" I shout excitedly "There is a armadillo in the garden! Hiccup!"
"Carls!"
"No BB there really is. You have to come see the armadillo now!"
I'm practically dragging BB out of bed to come see this bloody armadillo. I think she did like seeing the armadillo though I think she would of like it more if it wasn't 4am.
"Can I go back to sleep now Carls?"
"Yes! Hiccup! BB! I kissed a French guy and we saw an armadillo! Hiccup." No response. BB has either passed out already or decided to ignore the annoying drunken person. I wake up the next day hugging my tooth brush and BB's mobile, still half dressed.

We returned to Rio for BB's last day and night before she returned back to London. After spending a lovely day once again on the beach we decided to head up into the hills to Santa Theresa the oldest part of Rio. We had met a girl local to Rio in Ilha Grande who had told us about a samba troupe who practiced every Tuesday ready for carnival in a community centre in a favela up in the hills. She had said it was a 'must' to see, so off me and BB went. We arrive at the community centre in the middle of the  favela. On first impressions it didn't seem that appealing, with a ram shackled group of musicians warming up in the hall. Hardly carnival! There is also an array of varying characters. There is a guy dressed like a woman, dancing and rolling around on the floor, who is obliviously high on crack or some thing? Then there is a young girl wandering around in a bikini top with so much attitude she looks like she might explode from it. My favourite though is the frail old black lady who can hardly walk and sucks on her gums because she has no teeth. Yes it's all a bit odd. Then something strange happens. The drinks start following, the music starts to play, more and more people arrive, the dancing and singing begin. It's infectious. Soon everyone is dancing including the Tranny and Granny who may not be able to hardly walk but she still knows how to move. The sunsets over Rio and I have this most amazing feeling. You see heaven on earth can present itself in many forms, it doesn't have to be white sandy beaches, or grand palaces.  I'm going to sound like the biggest hippy now,  but it's not about what you see or where you are, it's about the feeling it gives you. It's the feeling of being more alive than you have ever felt. So in a Favela in the hills above Rio watching the sun go down, listening to the sounds of Samba, with a dancing Tranny and a Granny I found another little bit of heaven on earth , that  gives me that alive feeling. I turned to BB and said "This is why I come travelling; for moments like this!"

The next day BB left and I was alone but not for long. Lauren (remember her?) my long suffering travelling partner from India was in town, as she was travelling around South America with four friends. She convinced me to come and stay at her hostel. Now Lauren is 9 years younger than me at the age of 25, but this has never really been a factor in our friendship due to the fact I'm still acting like I'm 21, or maybe not? I started to realise maybe I was starting to get older as I checked into the party hostel she was staying at. The first signs of this was checking into my dorm to find one of my new roomies fully naked as he had just got out of the shower. Well I guess that's one way of getting to know someone quickly? I am then informed by my other roomie Brad ( a Californian life guard that rather fancies himself) that the bed I am occupying was last night used in a threesome by the last occupant, an Argentine guy and 2 girls he picked up.
"Man I don't know how he fitted them  all in there but they were fucking away all night man! So jealous!" Brad continues, as I lie down unsure on my bed looking for stains and hairs! I must admit that when I couldn't sleep that night I did find myself thinking of how the Argentine had managed it, in such a small space and what positions he might have used to over come this problem!  In the meantime I have received an email from "Happy" and Raphael asking me to meet them for drinks that night as they are in Rio, which is great as I need to get out if the party hostel and I'm rather keen to see "Happy's" beautiful eyes again after my sudden departure the other night. I go and find Lauren, who fills me in on her misdemeanours of her past weeks in South America.
"Carly I have been so bad! I don't know what's got into me.  I have just been man mad!"
"If you recall Lauren I was hardly Mother Theresa last time I was here" I say thinking of my past exploits on my last visit "I think they put something in the water here? Speaking of which I'm going to have a drink and go and meet a French man tonight if you want to come?" This is said casually as an invitation, but the next thing I know Lauren has invited all the girls, she is travelling which is cool, but then they also seem to invite the whole hostel, to something that was meant to be a quiet drink!
"So where is this bar? Is it any good? What kind of music do they play?" Is what everyone keeps coming up to me and asking. I look a little bewildered, and tell them I haven't got a clue and I'm just meeting friends for a quiet drink. Two hours later (as that's how long it takes to get a nearly a whole hostel of people together!) we leave. I'm sat in the taxi fretting as it's taken so long to get out of the hostel with everyone, I'm very late and the Frenchies could of left and I have no phone to let them know. The taxis drop our huge group outside a little old fashioned cafe with an open front with a group of old men playing samba music inside. This is our destination, which I think is rather sweet. I spot Thomas and Raphael and feel glad to see them again, especially Thomas. The rest of my group seem less than impressed by the choice of venue. 
"Is this it? This is shit! Oh my God this is a major fail on your part Carly!" are some of the comments. I'm stood feeling a little bit embarrassed, in front of Thomas and Raphael.
"Right we are off to go and find a proper bar Carly. This place is crap! Are coming?" asks Lauren. I then realise I'm not 25 and I am quite happy to have a quiet drink and chat and not go and get pissed up downing shots till the early hours of the morning.
"No I'm going to stay" I reply.
"Really! I wonder why?" Says Lauren looking at Thomas. "He is cute and has really nice eyes" Lauren says a bit too loud for my liking.
"Shut up Lauren!" I say under my breath.
"Enjoy" she says as she leaves with a knowing smile on her face. My face is bright red by now.
I spend most of the night talking to Thomas and trying not too much to look at his eyes, but I'm glad I stayed. Towards the end of the night I find myself sat in another bar with them talking about travels. Thomas talks about how he wants to travel more. We get onto the subject of Havana in Cuba.
"I have always wanted to go. I need to go before Castro dies" I say.
"Me too. I really want to go" says Thomas.
"Why don't you both go together?" Says Raphael out of the blue.  I laugh.
"Why not? Thomas you want to travel more and you don't want to go back to Paris. Carly you want to go and you love travel. You should go together. Its perfect!" continues Raphael.
Thomas looks at me, "OK! Yes why not? Let's go!" He says in that very matter of a fact way the French have. It's at this point I realise he's not joking. I think he's serious?
"We can't! You leave tomorrow and you have a girlfriend and a job to go back to and I can't just change my whole travel plans, can I? It would be crazy!" I say a little speechless.
It's the end of the night and Thomas has walked me to a taxi and Raphael has conveniently disappeared again. It's that awkward moment when you are trying to say goodnight.
"Can I see you again tomorrow?" He asks.
"Yes" I reply and the next thing we are kissing each others faces off again. I'm sat in the taxi alone on the way home thinking "Why do you always get yourself into these situations?"
We arrange to meet the next day in a bar. This time Thomas comes alone. We talk for a bit and decide to walk to the beach. As we walk the subject of Havana comes up again.
"We should go. Why don't you come with me to Texas tonight on the plane and then we can get to Havana" he asks.
"I can't! I met this guy in Uruguay I'm meant to be going back to see him. I like him and besides you have a girlfriend remember?" I retort.
"I really like you!"
"I like you too!"
"Then you have a decision to make. You can either go back to Montevideo or we go travel together?" He says.
I don't know what to say. It's this kind of crazy stuff that I love. The impulse! Every part of me wants to go and buy a ticket to Havana. We walk a long the beach.
"You should go for a swim" he says. I suddenly feel quite shy at the thought of stripping off to my bikini in front of him, which isn't like me and I think he senses this as he says "You nothing to worry about, you look good in a bikini. Your perfect!"
I should have told him I wasn't perfect, far from it, but for once I'm speechless. No one has ever called me perfect before. We sit and watch the waves, and talk, then lay there, until our time has run out. I walk him back to his hostel.
"Don't go to Texas. Stay here with me. We can go to Paraty together!" I blurt out in desperation as I realise I don't want him to leave, but we both know it's not going to happen. We kiss goodbye one last time and I get into a taxi.  As  the car pulls away I wind down the window and shout,
"Good bye Happy! Always remember to be happy!" He waves and smiles goodbye.
A week later I get an email. It's Thomas.
"I want to come back please" he says.
I tell him it's too late, that he should of never got on the flight. I'm back with Nico in Montevideo. The decision has already been made. I'm not going to lie though; I often think of what it would have been like running off to Havana with a French man with beautiful eyes, but I guess I will never know sadly.
Next stop Montevideo again.

MY GOD IS THE SUN: GUARDA DO EMBAU AND RIO DE JANEIRO

I suffer from many things in life: Bad taste in men; an addiction to Purdey's vitamin drinks, a phobia of sandwiches; and watching too much of the reality show goggle box (I'm sorry but I love it)! Another thing that I suffer badly from is S.A.D. S.A.D or seasonal affective disorder is where a persons moods are effected by the weather or seasons.  It can effect people in both summer and winter, but for me, I am effected by winter depression.  The winter with its long cold days has slowly become my enemy.  With every passing year my fear of this season has become worse.  A dark cloud comes over me and the simplest every day things in life become a huge task.  I pray for the winters to end and for this feeling to pass.  In bygone times civilisations use to worship the sun: The Romans; The Aztecs and the Vikings.  I can see why, for now my God is the sun. I follow him where ever he may go and worship him as he glows in all his glory, and pours rays of happiness upon me.  Yes my God truly is the sun.  He is one of the main reason I travel so much, and was a very big reason for me to head to Brazil!

I left Montevideo on a 19 hour bus journey which consisted of complete boredom as I was on my own, had no music to listen to (No phone remember?), and I couldn't read (I get car sick)! I also nearly got hypothermia due to the fact the bus company seemed to want to kill all its passengers by blasting us to death with air con (Why do they always do that)?  I arrived in Florianópolis shivering.  As I had no phone (I know I keep going on about it!) the only information I had to get to BB and Prue was a name of a town and a hostel they were staying at scrawled on the last page of my book.  Add to that I have also entered Brazil.  Its a whole new ball game people!  When I first arrived in Latin America  3 years ago I spoke no Spanish at all.  I spent most of my first weeks feeling like a monkey that points at things and mimics a lot with big hand gestures and stupid facial expressions to get myself understood.  In Brazil they don't speak Spanish.  They speak Portuguese.  I don't speak any Portuguese!  I am once again a monkey! I'm feeling thirsty and in need of refreshment so go to a kiosk and order myself a lovely fruit smoothie with my monkey language and pay for it.  I can't wait!  A minute later I am handed a huge ice cream cone  with a chocolate finger sticking out the top! "How the Hell did this happen! I wanted a refreshing fruit smoothie instead I'm stood here shivering in a bus station with an ice cream with a God Dam chocolate finger!" I think to myself.  Of course I don't say anything.  I'm English we don't like to complain.  My next task is to buy my bus ticket.  I go to the desk and say where I want to go to.  Everyone looks at me. I say the name again.  Still everyone looks at me.  I see it written on a sign behind the desk and point.
"Oh! Guarda do Embau" says the man behind the desk while everyone else laughs.
"Yes! Guarda do Embau" I say thinking "That's what I said in the bloody first place?"
I'm now on a bus feeling pretty proud of myself, when after a while it occurs to me that I haven't got a clue where this "Embau" place is.  Maybe I have already gone past it? I go up to the driver and I point at my ticket.  He shakes his head.  "What the Hell does that mean?" I think to myself. I go back to my seat.  Twenty minutes later I repeat the process and the driver shakes his head again and gives me a look to say "Sit down stupid monkey pointing girl!" After a while he indicates to me with his hands and the next thing I know me and my bag are shoved off the bus onto the street and I'm stood there thinking "Where the Hell am I?"

After asking a dozen people for directions in monkey language and not understanding any of the responses I arrive hot, sweaty and tired at the hostel, to find a fat guy passed out on the floor in just his Y fronts, while a big Labrador is strecthed out on him.  Next to him are 2 young guys in board shorts sat in a hammock smoking a joint.
"Hola. I am looking for 2 English girls? Are they here?"  I say slowly and clearly.  The two guys look at me blankly. The fat guy is still passed out.
"Prue and Becky?" I ask pleadingly hoping they will understand.  They look blank again for a second and then the one with the Mohawk hair, face lights up.
"Yes Prue! Becky.  Prue, Becky friend? Carla?"
"Yes! That's me! Well actually its Carly, but Carla will do!" I respond with complete happiness that I have made it, and everyone seems happy.  Even the fat guy passed out on the floor opens his eyes for a second to see what all the noise is about.  The stoned guys show me to the room door where BB and Prue have left me a note.
"We have gone to the beach.  Come and meet us.  Cross over the river and we will be in front of the stall with the Brazilian flag."
"How exciting.  Hand written notes" I think to myself  "Its sounds like a little adventure maybe this not having a phone business isn't that bad after all."

I quickly shower and change and head for the beach.  Like the note says I have to cross a river first, so I strip off to my bikini and wade through the water which is up to my chest.  The river and the beach are surrounded by forested mountains, which have a dream like effect from the distant.  Its all very dramatic and magical.  I can see why the girls have chosen this place. I walk around but I cannot see a flag, until in the distance I see a limp shredded Brazilian flag in front of a stall.  I head to it but cannot see the girls.  "Maybe they have gone for a swim?" I think to myself.  I sit and wait, and then I wait some more, and then some more! I feel like everyone is staring a me as the girl on her own on the beach.  "Where the Hell are they?" I think.  Suddenly hand written notes don't seem that adventurous or exciting anymore.  They are just God dam stupid notes actually, that's why God invented Mobile phones! OH yeah! Its that thing again! A Mobile phone, which would have been really handy at that moment in time to text them and ask them where they were, but Yes! I don't have one! I'm in a really fowl mood and have been sat on my own for well over an hour when I see another Brazilian flag straight in front of me. "Oh shit!" I think to myself.

I eventually find the girls in front of the flag.  We do the usual girly happy to see again shriek and hug.
"Did you find the place alright.  Were there some guys there when you arrived?" asks Prue.
"Yeah! There was some fat guy passed out in his Y fronts and two stoned guys" I reply.
"The fat guy is the owner.  He got drunk last night.  Did one of the guys have a Mohawk?" Prue continues.
"Yes."
"That's F**k junior! He is like a mosquito flying around me.  He just won't leave me alone" Prue carries on talking about the traumas of having a Brazilian mosquito as an admirer, when I interrupt.
"Wait a minute! F**k Junior! F**k Junior! What kind of name is that?"
"Its his name! He changed it by dipole to Derek F**k Junior or something like that" responds Prue.  I later find this out to be true when a couple of nights later on the beach F**k Junior proudly displays his bank card with that very name branded on it!  I soon see what Prue is on about, as every time we return F**k Junior is around her like the mosquito she described, trying to touch her and get her attention.  When we go out at night he is there too,  trying to keep any other male predators away from her. One day after many other advances, Prue looses it with him.
"Will you leave me alone! Your like a mosquito!"
Instead of being offended by this F**k Junior seems very happy at being referred to as a mosquito and even starts to laugh and make a buzzing noise like one.  Nothing seems to deter this guy.  I actually think he was in love with Prue, as he could never take his eyes off her and looks at her like some love sick puppy.  Part of me for a second felt slightly sorry for him and then I remembered that he was called F**k Junior by choice and then all sympathy went out the window!

We spent our days in Guarda do Embau sunbathing on the beach, drinking fresh Coconuts, surrounded by what felt like paradise. Our nights were spent drinking too many Caipariania's and dancing to the early hours of the morning at the only real bar in town.  We could of quite easily stayed there forever but then there was Rio waiting for us and no one can ever refuse Rio. Rio de Janeiro, from all my travels is probably the most beautiful cities of them all.  You have everything any modern city provides but then on your door step you have golden sandy beaches, surrounded by jungle mountains.  There is even a lake.  Rio is about many things: beauty, fun, excitement, but the main thing Rio is about, is SEX! It oozes it from every pore.  Its like everyone is on heat or something? Everyone is on display permanently, be it someone that is fat, thin, young, old beautiful or ugly.  No matter who you are or what you look like, everyone is giving off some sexual vibe and  there is no better place to see it than the beach.  The beaches of Rio are a city within themselves and like a city they all have their different sections. There is the Gay section; the family section, the beautiful people section; the intellectual section, the list is endless. Yes the beaches of Rio are truly the places to be seen, and with not a lot on either.  OK so you never go naked or even topless but you don't leave a lot to the imagination either. Me and girls had now become fully accustomed to having our asses on full display and even kind of liked it!  The men were just as bad with some of the smallest swimming trunks in history (You could tell what side they dressed too, and I wasn't even perving! You couldn't help but notice)! We were sat on the beach one afternoon when we were looking through some photos we had taken earlier.  Prue was complaining how awful she looked in the photos.  Now Prue is a very beautiful girl, but I could see what she meant.  She  was not making the most of herself.  "Why do you always look so good in photos?" she exclaimed to me.
"That's because I'm a complete and utter poser Prue, and you need to learn The Carly School of Posing!"
I'm not ashamed to say I'm a poser.  I am by no means a great beauty but I feel everyone should make the most of what they have got and posing makes you do that.  Besides I have spent 5 years of my life in relationships with professional photographers.  You learn quickly what makes a good photograph and what doesn't. So I taught Prue The Carly School of Posing that day in one of the most posy places on earth: Ipanema beach.  The rules of The Carly School of Posing go something like this:

* Never slouch. It looks horrible! As a person that slouches a lot in life I have learnt not to on photos.  Extend that spinal column.  It makes you look thinner as well.

* Always bend one leg, otherwise you look like a statue!

* Turn slightly to the side.  Its more flattering.

* Put your hands on your hips, never on your waist as it can make unflattering ceases in the stomach.

* Tilt your head, a little.  I don't why! I just do it!

* Lastly always have quite a smug look on your face, that says "I don't really give a Dam if you think I'm a vain, self obsessed, poser, because I'm making the most of what I have got, which at times isn't a lot (Believe me)!So there!"

THIS IS THE CARLY SCHOOL OF POSING! AMEN!

Another things Brazilians are obsessed with is music.  Well dancing and music to be precise.  We really wanted to go to a real Brazilian music night, not some night set up by a hostel where you down a load of cheap shots; end up being sick and wake up the morning after with some faint memory that you might of kissed an 18 year old on his gap year (That has never happened to me)???? We had been told by one of our guides about a Forró night that all the locals went to and not really any Gringo's. Perfect! Forró is a form of music from Northwest Brazil, just so you all know. We took a taxi to the address given and found ourselves outside a huge old building with a lot of locals milling outside.  It felt very intimidating as we looked out of place and everyone was looking at us.  This only got worse when we walked inside.  A huge dark hall was filled with dancing locals.  There was only one problem with this.  They were all dancing as couples!!!! Now the last time anyone danced together in Britain was probably during World War 2 or your Grandparents at family function when they start doing some embarrassing slow waltz or something.  I have never danced as a couple in my life, nor have the girls.  We are prettified.  We look like rabbits in the head lights. We quickly head to the bar for some courage from a Caiparinia. We stand round the side of the dance floor, sipping our Caiparinias like girls at a prom with out a date.  We watch the dancing.  Well if you can call it that.  Don't get me wrong there is some fancy foot work but a lot of its seems like they are grinding on the dance floor.  In fact they praticially look like they are having sex!
"Well I won't be dancing!" says Prue
"Me neither" Says BB looking uncomfortable for once. I then recall I had danced as a couple once before.  In Bogota in Colombia, in a Salsa club.  I remembered the initial terror of having to dance and how it cleared and in the end I'd had, one of the funniest nights ever.
"I will!" I said "I just need another Caiparinia first!"
Prue is the first of us to be asked to dance.
"No I can't . I'm English.  I don't know how!" she says looking very stiff and proper. A guy then comes and asks me and gets the same response.
"Then why are you here" he asks and walks off.  I realise then how terribly English we are being and feel angry at myself.  Five minutes later another guy comes and asks me to dance as well, but this time I decide to remove the rod from up my ass and go with the flow.  He holds me by the hips and pulls me close to him, so that we are cheek to cheek.
"Feel the rhythm and follow my lead" he says leaving me shocked that he can speak English.  We start to move and I find myself for the first minute mainly standing on his feet, but he is kind and encouraging and we continue, till at the end of the dance I find some rhythm. The music stops and he says "Thank you" and I'm left there standing on the dance floor, wondering why he hasn't tried to make a move on me, as that's what I expected from dancing like that and then me having to make awkward excuses at turning him down! But no!  Nothing! I'm only alone for a second before I'm dancing the next dance with another guy.  With every dance I feel like I'm getting better.  The trick is to move from the hip and follow the guy in the grinding process.  It feels weird at first to be doing such an intimate, sexual dance with a complete stranger who is so close to you, you can feel his sweat fall on to you.  The end result was the same though with every guy saying thank you at the end of the dance and leaving you alone.  It made a refreshing change from having your ass felt up by sleazy drunk guys on the dance floor, even if I was pratically having sex on the dance floor.  I look around and see that Prue and BB have let go of their fears too and are now enjoying a dance with some locals too.  At the end of the night as we take a taxi back I'm feeling happy.  It was good to let go of our English up tightness for a night.  "Hmmm! I grinded 8 guys on the dance floor tonight! Not bad for a Tuesday night!" I think to myself.
Next stop Ilha Grande.

THE MIDDLE OF THE ROAD

While on this trip, I one day received an email from a friend, who was concerned about my behaviour. He asked me to be more "Middle of the road" with the way I acted. I replied that I couldn't; as I don't know how. I've come to realise I'm all or nothing. Im addicted to the highs in life and I pursue them sometimes in ways which people would class as reckless or as my sister recently said to me; "You just don't think, sometimes Carly"! There is a problem with the highs though: the fall! I have fallen from great highs in the past, especially the last 2 years and believe me it hurts. I still go back for more though. All that said recently its becoming harder and harder to get back up after these falls and the thought of being more middle of the road on this trip has constantly been in the back of my mind.

Maybe with what I've just said about the way I am, is the reason why I fell in love with Rio. There is nothing middle of the road about it. It's a city that is all or nothing. It's crazy, beautiful, exciting; everything I love. A dangerous combination, me and this city, but I knew I was going to have a hell of a lot of fun here, and that's just what I did.

I arrived in Rio totally exhausted after ANOTHER 24 hour bus journey. I was now once again, totally on my own after leaving Maria. I booked myself into a hostel in Ipanema after a lot of recommendations off travels to stay there. Besides it's the best area to stay in the whole of Rio and I'm in love with the song, the girl from Ipanema. Now after nearly 5 months traveling, and tons more travel experience before this trip, you would think I won't get intimidated anymore. WRONG! I turned up at Ipanema Beach House to find everyone, chatting and laughing with one another. God! I thought, everyone knows everyone, I'm a complete outsider! After getting over my initial fear, I decided to rein in all my people skills and get chatting to everyone. Unfortunately this was to no avail, everyone was completely hungover from the night before. God this is so shit!, I thought and decided to call it a night. Hardly the rocking first night I thought I would have in Rio.

I woke the next morning to sunshine and thought, God dam it! I'm in Rio and there is only one place go be in Rio when the sun is shining: THE BEACH! I hot footed it down there, a long with a French guy from my dorm called Fabrice, who kind of tagged himself onto me, but seemed nice enough. Now I've heard the Brazilians where a beautiful race, but nothing prepared me for what I saw on that beach. I thought the Argentineans where a beautiful, but what I saw there were the most beautiful men I have ever seen in my life. It's not like there were one or two scattered around. No they were everywhere! Every time looked round there was a new one. I was like a kid in a sweet shop. I imagined this was what heaven must be like. God it was amazing. As time wore on, on the beach, it started to become clear to me that Fabrice wanted to be more than just friends! He kept buying me drinks and getting very pissed off with me when, he kept talking to me and I was just nodding and clearly looking over his shoulder and just perving at all the hot men on the beach. I really knew he fancied me when I was lay on the beach and he lay down besides me, grabbed me and started taking pictures of us together like boyfriend and girlfriend. Hello! I've only just met you, I'm not interested and I'm surrounded by hot Brazillian guys! Why do things like this always happen to me? He invited me to go to sugar loaf mountain to watch sunset with him. I couldn't get out of it.

Sugar loaf was amazing. Even though it was cloudly; even though I was with a Frenchman that I didn't fancy and who kept coming on to me; even though I kept thinking I wish I was here with one of the hot Brazillian guys from the beach. Yes! Even with all this. It was amazing! I've seen a lot of cities in my time, but seeing Rio from above I can truly say it's one of the most beautiful cities ever, tucked between tropical mountains, with it's White sandy beaches. It was there my love affair with Rio began.

We got back to the hostel and Fabrice wanted to go out for dinner! SHIT! Think fast! I bumped into some of the guys I had been talking to the night before and quickly arranged that we should all go out for dinner together. No one really had a say in the matter, as that's what I wanted to do, as there was no way I was going out for dinner with just me and Fabrice. Fabrice looked very pissed off. I looked very relieved! After having an all you can eat meat feast which the Brazilians are the best at (totally amazing!) some of us decided to hit the bars. I was left with Fabrice (of course!), the most chilled English guy ever called Tom, and a Israeli guy whose name I can't pronounce so we will just call him Israeli guy! We decided that being in Rio we had to drink Caipirinha's. Warning: After my time in Rio, I have realised that Caipirinhas make you do crazy things, as the following will show. Totally drunk, we realised we were in a gay bar, only after Tom came back from the toilet after being accosted by a man in them. Please bare in mind we had been in this bar for nearly an hour and didn't notice once, we were surrounded by tables full of butch guys in hot pants! This is what Caipirinhas do to you! After a few more bars later, and few Caipirinhas later, we crawled back to the hostel. We all decided to go straight to bed as we were totally wasted. I put my PJ's on realised I needed some water so headed to the reception to get some. Now after this it gets a little bit blurry. I'm at the front desk asking for water and some how I start talking to the Brazilian guy behind the desk in Spanish, as I don't know Portuguese and he starts talking to me in Spanish and we are talking for ages and then he asks me to come and sit with him outside, I say yes, we sit down, we talk, he grabs my face and starts kissing me, I kiss him back and then I stop this moment and go " I'm sorry but I'm in my PJ's. I can't do this!" and storm off to bed.

The next day I wake up with a sore head not really knowing where I am! It takes me an hour of being awake to realise that my handbag with all my money, my phone and my passport is gone. SHIT! I run to reception in an panic and ask the girls at the desk if they have a brown leather bag. They pull my bag out from underneath the desk.
"We just found it left on the desk this morning. What the hell happened to you last night?" one of them asks. Yes, what the hell did happen to me last night I ask myself?
"Caipirinha's" I reply. They laugh back in an all knowing way.

I spend most of the day trying to avoid the guy from the desk that I kissed. I don't even fancy him, I think to myself. It was only because I was drunk on Caipirnha's and he was whispering sweet nothings in to my ear in Portuguese that I even went there. Besides Im a bit besotted with the other guy that works there at the front desk in the day. I ask him to write down the music he plays in the hostel which i think is cool, to add to my growing South American playlist. He does so with his glaring beautiful eyes, smooth smile and sexy voice. God he's so hot, I think to myself. On the good side Fabrice checked out before I woke up. Some one later told me he found out about me kissing the guy at the front desk and was pissed off. What ever!

To try and avoid the guy I kissed even more, I book to go on a tour of the favelas. Favelas for you who don't know is the name for the slums of south America and were made famous from the film The City of God (in my top 5 of best films of all time) and that snoop dog video, Beautiful, with all those girls not wearing much with big asses. On the tour I meet a fellow northern called Jen, who is also at my hostel and we get on like a house on fire. I tell her the favelas are a bit like Salford; we both realise we love guys and motorbikes; we get a lift with some guys from the ghetto on the back of their bikes; we see gansters smoking joints; bullet holes in the walks from gangland fights; drug dealers and the fattest roughest girls you have ever seen. All on all a good day out.

I go out with Jen and everyone from the hostel again that night and yes more bloody Caipirinhas (I told you can't do middle of the road; I never learn)! As everyone I knew was leaving the next day for the beaches of Brazil, we decided to stay up late for farewell drinks at the hostel. This means me and Jen do Northern measures and in no time we are completely drunk! Everyone seems to pass out and goes to bed and I'm left once again with the Brazilian guy that I kissed on reception and his hot volley ball friend. At some point, very drunk I kiss the Brazillian guy again (what the hell am I doing)! After coming back to my senses, I decide to go to bed. As I'm coming back from the toilet, I find the friend, the hot volleyball player friend blocking my door way. Before I continue this story, let me tell you that a lot of travellers had told me about what Brazillian men were like. They are extremely sexual, on heat all the time and very forceful! I was now about to find out, this was very true. As I tried to pass the door, volley ball guy asked me where I was going?
"To bed I reply!"
"Why?" he asked
" Because I'm tired".
He grabs me and tries to kiss me. I push him away. The next thing I know he picks me up, like Tarzan would do to Jane and starts to carry me away. I'm hitting him, but there is little I can do as he is so strong and I'm no match for him. I'm feeling a bit scared. He sits me down on the pool table at the far and starts kissing my neck and chest and whispering, "I want you, I want you"! Oh God, what am I going to do? Suddenly, I remember what the Danish girls had said to me about dealing with full on Brazilian men: You have to just punch them sometimes! So that's just what I do; I full on punch him (I'm a northern girl, I've got a good punch)! He stops in surprise and then I realise Carly is back in control again.
"When I say no, I mean no!" I scream at him, "Now as I said I'm off to bed!" I gracefully stand up, compose myself and walk away. It's as I'm walking back to my room I realise I'm shaking a little.

The next morning I wake up to find a new addition to my room; an Aussie girl called Natalie, who turns out to be a stripper. Natalie is one of lifes characters, very strong, doesn't give a shit and extremely funny. I like her instantly. I tell her about my incident with the volley ball guy, the night before. She just laughs, tells me she had a fling with him last time she was in Rio, that's he a complete arse hole, and that he is like the hostel bike, as everyone has had a go. We then both laughed! We decided to go on a mission to go and see Christ the redeemer (a must see in Rio). This is harder than you think when you don't speak any Portuguese. I had realised by now it was better to speak Spanish than English, but this still wasn't always understood. Two buses later, lots of lost in translation and being escorted by a kind Brazillian woman, we stood at the foot of Corcovado, in the pouring rain looking up to the skies, to realise you couldn't see a dam thing! God dam it! I never got to see Christ the Redeemer, due to the bad weather. We spent the rest of the day in the hostel, feeling miserable as the rain poured down. It's Rio, it not meant to bloody rain, I thought to myself! As we sat around talking, the boys from the hostel told me they were going out that night to a club where there was Samba music and free Caipirinhas from 10-12. Really, the sensible thing to do here, would be to say no, after my last 2 nights on Caipirinhas seemed to have got me into a bit of trouble, but as I'm not sensible, I said yes to going straight away. Besides it was my last night in Rio. I had to make the most of it.

We arrived at the club and it was crammed with people dancing, and downing Caipirinhas. I noticed volleyball guy was there, and I avoided him at all costs. I also noticed that there was a cute guy that kept looking at me. He seemed quite familiar to me, but then I just thought I had one to many Caipirinhas again. As the night wore on people got drunker, the dancing got crazier and everyone I was with seem to have hooked up with someone. I got stuck being chatted up by some boring English guy, when I turned around and saw the guy who had being looking at me all night, stood there. He walked over to me.
"Hello" he said "You don't recognise me do you? I work at your hostel."
Suddenly I recognised the beautiful glaring eyes, the smooth smile and the sexy voice. It was the guy from the front desk that I really fancied, only that he had shaved off his beard.
"Yes, I recognise you now" I smiled.
I spent the rest of the night talking to him, dancing with him and of course kissing him. I got my sexy Brazilian guy after all.

The next day as I left Rio in the taxi, I felt full of sadness. It had left a deep impression on me this city. It felt like a city that suited my personality. It was a place where I didn't feel bad about not being middle of the road. I then remember a conversation I'd had with Tanja one the Danish in girls in La Paz, in a bar, about being middle of the road. She told me that night she envied me.
"Why?" I replied
"Because you take risks! I don't because I'm middle of the road, which is safe but it's ultimately boring!"
I don't do boring, I thought to myself. I'll try the middle of the road, when it becomes exciting. Until then I'll carry on as I am, which isn't bad is it? Next stop, is my final one: Miami.

BENIDORM BAD GIRL 5: IGUAZÚ FALLS

Sometimes as I find out a lot, life can be full of disappointments. As I journeyed to Iguazú falls, which is classed as one of the new 7 wonders of the world, on the border of Argentina and Brazil, I expected to be disappointed again. I heard they were amazing off so many travellers, but I kept saying to myself how good can a bunch of waterfalls be?

I was now back on the road with the gorgeous Maria, which was great. We ventured in the morning to the national park, with me a bit under parr as I'd been up drinking till the early hours of the morning with a group of 7 Aussie guys (what is it with me and Aussie guys)? Maria was really excited, but I was just sat there in mood thinking I'd rather go back to bed. As she dragged me along to see Garganta del Diablo, the biggest of all the waterfalls, all I kept thinking I was going to throw up.

Then something amazing happened. I saw the waterfall. I wasn't disappointed. No! It actually exceeded anything I could of ever imagined in my mind. For the first time in ages, something took my breath away, and suddenly my hangover disappeared. I stood there in awe of the beauty and power of nature.

The waterfalls do something crazy to you and me and Maria spent the rest of the day running around like excited children taking in everything.

The next day we hit the Brazilian side to see more of the falls (it's important to do both sides as they give different views). I only had a short time to see it as I had to catch a bus back to the Argentinean side to catch my bus to Rio. "Must not miss that bus!" I told myself.

As I said before, the waterfalls have a strange effect on you and I got completely side tracked and kind of forgot the time! I rushed back to the entrance to find that my bus had gone. Brazil got to witness it's first Kevin as I was stamping my feet a lot and shouting "Shit! Shit! Shit!" So I'm stuck in Brazil, with no Brazilian money, I don't speak Portuguese and I have to try and get back over the border into Argentina to catch my bus that leaves in an hour and a half! Shit! After my initial freak out I go back into experienced traveller mode and decide to use the only thing that is going to get me out of this mess: My feminine charms!

Being a blonde in South America has been a bit of pain most of the time, but now I used it to my advantage. In no time at all, after doing my little girl lost act, I'm on local bus for free, with some local guy making sure I'm OK. He gets me to a bus that is going to the border which I also get on for free, and then the bus driver becomes my new guardian and makes sure I cross the border safely. I'm back with half an hour to spare to catch my bus. Good going girl, I think to myself. Actually sometimes its good to be a woman.

I sit on my bus heading to Rio thinking, Yes, the last two days I have seen this world at it's most beautiful and I then remember the reason why I travel, for moments like these.

NB: Please note these photos and videos can not come near to summing up what I have seen. I suggest you all go and bloody see it yourselves.