BENIDORM BAD GIRL 1: PANAMA CANAL

So here is my first picture of the challenge set down to me by my friend Debs; to have my picture taken around as many famous sites as possible in central and south America, wearing this awful vest, thus making a total nob of myself. May it long continue.

BOOKS & DEMONS

Never judge a book by it's cover is the saying. We do though, it's human nature. First impressions are always made and usually stuck to. I like it though, when I change my mind. It makes life more interesting. Bocas del Toro was pitched to me before I went, as this party island paradise. I admit its a hard task to live up too. So it was no wonder that my first couple of days, I felt slightly disappointed. It rained constantly, the beaches were nothing to write home about and everything seemed to shut around 9.00pm! Dull! Then things began to change. The sun came out, the beaches weren't too bad and the place and it's residents were all a little bit crazy, and so I began to be charmed. When I say crazy, what place do you get a load of grown men dressed up in the blazing heat in demon costumes covered in bells going around whipping people? Bocas del Toro! Yes, it seems that this is the crazy local custom. I don't really see the point to it; people whipping the shit out of each other (unless your a dominatrix) but the locals love it and it does provide some good if not usual evening entertainment. The only people that don't agree seem to be the local cops who come and break it up every night, only for the demons to start whipping again as soon as they are gone, and then the police come back and break it up again and so begins the crazy cycle. Watch the video I filmed of some of the stupidity. Great!

The best nights always happen when you least expect them. I had nearly finished reading my book "If this is a man" by Primo Levi , about a holocaust survivor ( I know I'm so cheery!) and really wanted to exchange it at the hostel, but with Heike our land lady being German I wasn't sure how this would go down, so when Angus told me he had found a book shop, we both went for a look. The book shop itself was kind of disappointing with titles only my nan would read, but as we looked through the shelves we heard a booming voice from behind us; "Do want a beer while your browsing"? Me and Angus looked at each other; why the hell not we thought! The booming voice and the bookshop belonged to an American called Dave, along with his wife Nancy who had the dirtiest laugh. Dave's shop motto was drinking and thinking. Now as I love both drinking and reading I loved Dave's ethics, though I can't say much reading went on as we just drunk beer all night and got drunk, and every night after that in fact. Borders is was not but maybe if Borders had employed Dave's motto they might have not gone bust! I do love a good character and it turns out Dave was one of life's very big characters. He had sold everything he owned in the states and moved to Bocas to open up a book store which really didn't make any money but he didn't care as long as he was having a good time; he refuses to speak Spanish, thinks all the locals are stupid; thinks nearly all Americans are thick as shit including himself and has about three love children scattered around the globe. I know! He sounds awful, but actually he was great and very entertaining and in the short time we knew him, me Angus became very fond of him, but all things come to an end and it was time for us to leave. Well actually it should of ended a day early if me and Angus hadn't got so drunk and ended up crawling home in the early hours of the morning, thus not getting up and missing our bus to Panama city. I blame Dave! Maybe I should of done more thinking than drinking!!!

DON'T CROSS WITH ME!

They say in life, you should be careful what you ask for. I found this case to be true recently. In my time in Nosara I hadn't seen rain in over a month. Towards the end the heat became suffocating, making it impossible to sleep at night and the roads! Don't get me going on the roads! They are just untarmaced dirt tracks which turn into dust bowls the dryer it gets. This meant everytime you went outside you would come back looking like you had been sent down a mine. Not very attractive! So I found myself wishing for something I never thought I would: RAIN! Well I certainly got it. Just not at the right bloody time or place! Yes! We got to Bocas del Toro and it just didn't stop raining for days, and when I mean rain, I mean rain! It's the kind that is so heavy it wakes you at night; the kind that doesn't stop ALL day; the kind that you have have to take your shoes off and wade around the streets bare feet in! Lesson learnt: don't wish for rain again! In fact don't wish for anything, just to be safe.
The journey to Bocas was a long one. After being on another sauna of a bus for hours we arrived at the border town of Sixola. Now from experience I hate border towns. They are complete shit holes and this one did not disappoint! After being stamped out of Costa Rica by a guy who really wouldn't care if I was Osama Binladen we then had to cross no mans land by some shit bridge, which you had to be careful on as there with so many gaps it was quite easy to fall through it! We also had to peg it across as they were trying to drive a big lorry truck across it which would of squashed us all like flies! So when I get to the another side, the last thing I want to hear is some guy telling me I have to pay out cash if I want to go any further. Right!
RULE ONE:
Don't mess with me when I'm tried!
RULE TWO:
Don't mess with me when I'm hot and bothered!
RULE THREE:
Don't mess with me, I'm from Warrington!
When I'm angry I get blunt! He told me I had to pay $20 to get a return bus ticket to San Jose because I had no plane ticket out of there. "No I don't!" was my response. In fact it was the response to every thing he said to me. As I was being difficult he passed me over to woman and told me to explain my self to her. As I was so vexed I couldn't be bothered to try and even attempt Spanish so just said everything in English in a Spanish accent for special needs people? It really shouldn't of helped my case but I think she got so pissed off with me, and she just wanted to get rid of me! Then I got to customs. They tried to charge me for what I don´t know as they only spoke Spanish. I was just shouting "porque!" and "no entiendo"! So basically I was having a Kevin in Panamanian customs! For you who don't know, Kevin is my alter ego which basically means I throw a tantrum and sulk like a stroppy teenager. Anyway we got through though I did have to give the bastards $3! We then had to get a taxi the other side to get the last water taxi to Bocas. Even though are driver was a nutter we still could have been a lot quicker if hadn't picked up all his friends and family and dropped them off everywhere. When we do get to the water taxi it's so full there is no way they can get more people on it, can they? Oh yes they can? They pile us all in and the boat is only just keeping above the water. Health and safety, we think not! So we make it to Bocas but it's only a bloody Saturday and everywhere is full! After finding a room for more than we wanted to pay, we were exhausted, hot and dirty. There is only one thing to do then! Get drunk on caipirinha's! Bad hangover the next day!
Next stop Panama city.

OBSERVATIONS
* My loyal hot pants that have been with me since me and Becky B cut my jeans up in Vietnam, maybe on their last legs. Well actually I might get done for indecent exposure as they are fraying away and barely cover my arse and fru fru!

* Local men in Bocas like to call you baby a lot. Don't call me baby!!!

* Our new land lady, a German called Heike, never seems to not have a cigarette in her mouth: watering the plants: taking the rubbish out: doing the gardening etc. Great hostel though.

* Went scuba diving for the first time the other day. This is quite an achievement as I'm really scared of deep water. It was even more worrying as most of the dive team seemed stoned!

* Warning: Don´t go on a 18k bike ride in the midday sun with out water, up hill. Not very pleasant. Was so exhausted I could hardly peddle and couldn´t even throw a Kevin! Angus was not even out of breath. Dam it.

* The rain has stopped and its bloody hot here now. Yeah!

* The tan is looking pretty bloody good, if I say so myself.

THE GOOD TRAVELLER?

Considering I love traveling so much, I am probably the worst traveller in the world. I get motion sickness in cars and buses; I get sea sick on boats; I'm scared of flying and I'm so so on trains. The only form of transport I'm OK with is walking, but that said I also fall over a lot too! I have been reminded of what a bad traveller I am over the last week, now that I'm on the road again. After leaving behind my new adopted hostel family (Yes! I did shed a tear; well actually quite a few) I got on an 8 hour bus ride to San Jose to meet Angus. There was no air con, the roads were bumpy, there was dust everywhere and I felt sick as a dog. To top it off we had to wait an hour at the side of the road,in the roasting sun while we changed a tyre. This took a lot longer than it should of due to our Cuban heeled bus driver smoking and drinking with the garage boys! I arrived in the shit hole that is San Jose (I hate it!) completely whacked.
So I'm now traveling with Angus. I wasn't sure for a time, if I wanted anyone from home traveling with me. I went through a stage of wanting to cut off from everything back home, but actually I'm glad he is here with me. Angus always has a calming effect on me. He keeps me on the straight and narrow and stops my sometimes reckless behaviour. In fact I'm a complete nightmare. I'm not sure why he puts up with me sometimes. All that said we get on well; we always have. Though we do squabble like children and wind each up a lot.
We decided to go to La Fortuna first so that Angus could see some of Costa Rica. La Fortuna was not quite what I expected. Instead of the sleepy little town by a volcano I had visioned, we found a tourist trap and a expensive one at that! We opted to go on a volcano tour which we were told would have no more than 10 people. Well people must not be able to count in Costa Rica as there were 30 in our group. It was also a shit tour! The guides got done from the police for trespassing, they did not really know anything, they abused the wildlife and were a health and safety nightmare! The only good thing was we got to go to the natural hot springs which helped my buggered shoulders so much! The next day we decided to take matters into our own hands and hired a motor bike and did our own tour. Now Angus told me he had last ridden a motor bike a couple of months ago. It later turns out it was over two years ago! I should of know as he started out very tentatively, but after an hour he turned into Mad Max and was racing down those roads, which I loved. He said he's going to get a bike in London; I really hope so, it's so much fun racing around on those things; well that's if I'm not the driver ( remember the Cook Islands episode everyone)? The best bit of the day was finding a waterfall with no one there. We went swimming in the river and like the total idiots we are decided to set up the camera filming us stunt fighting and falling into the water. A great day; motor bikes and stunt fighting; what more can anyone ask for?
We then moved on to Monte Verde in the mountains. We went on a coffee tour as Angus used to work as a coffee roaster. There is only one problem with this: I hate coffee! So when ask on the tour what my favourite coffee was an I had to say I don't drink it! Everyone looked at me like a weirdo! Never mind it happens quite a lot anyway. The next day we did a nature walk which was good as no animals were abused which always helps. This was followed by the canopy tour, which we nearly crapped ourselves on the last swing as it was more like a bungie. We then went horse riding as Angus had never been on a horse before, which was OK but me being Miss horse woman, all I wanted to do was gallop, which wasn't possible. So I just had to sit watch our guide Mr machete as I called him chop down every tree in sight, while on horse back!
We our now back in the shit hole, San Jose as we get a bus to Panama tomorrow and Bocas Del Toro. I'm sooooo excited to go go to a new country. Costa Rica has been great but it's time to move on and my wallet needs a rest as this place is far to expensive. Panama baby here we come.
OBSERVATIONS

* I did think for a long time that the men in Costa Rica had some problems with their teeth as they are always making sucking noises when you walk by but actually I have learnt that is their version of wolf whistling.

* So much for getting my Latino curves for Rio. I think I've lost weight, as my breasts seem to have shrunk. Dam it!

* Actually I know why Latino women have big breasts. They keep their mobile phones between them. I tried it but it just looked like some rectangle lump. So correction. Latino women keep their phones down there because they have big breasts.

* I have started to talk Spanish in a Brooklyn Jewish accent due to a comical Jewish family that lived below us in our hotel in La Fortuna. I do not think this helps with my already bad pronounciation.

* There are a lot of cross eyed people in Costa Rica.

*The shop manequins over here have the biggest knockers ever.   There like porn stars or something.

* There are lots of fat people here (Alex Shipp would hate it!)  It's because there is fast food places everywhere.  Tonight me and Angus had the most depressing meal ever eating shite fast food in a mall as there was no other stuff to eat other than fast food!

 If you want to see more photos and videos of what we have been up to.  Click on this link below to Angus's flicker site.
http://www.flickr.com/photos/59266709@N05/

MOVING ON

I have come to realise that I´m a person that finds it hard to settle in life.  For nearly ten years of my life I moved house a least once a year if not more.  I found it difficult when I had to buy my first bed as it meant that if I wanted to move I could not pack everything into my car anymore.  I´m not very good at putting down roots.  It is the same with my travels.  I never stay anywhere too long;  A week at the most, then I move onto the next spot.  It seems to be changing though as I get older.  I have now stayed in my place in London for four years.  A record for me.  I guess I have finally found a home.  My travel pattern has changed too.  I have now been in Nasaro for over a month.  I never thought I would stay here so long, but I fell in love with the place and the people.  I have met some great people here and Almost paradise hostel and the people there have felt like a little disfunctional family to me, but all good things come to an end.  Slowly but surely the family started to leave.  First Hannah, went back to England, Lindsay the American moved onto new pastures and my Ex husband (Thats what I started calling him) Thomas left to go and chef on a ship sailing around the world.  The place has now turned into empty chairs, tables and beds with only memories of ghosts of the past.  Its time to move on, to adventures new.  I will be sad though.  I might even shed a tear, something I have never done before on my travels.
On a good note, there are still familar faces around.  Cat, Owen and Jeff of course.  Julie and Stefan have become like a mum and dad looking after us and Carly 2 came back a little sad after the end of her whirl wind romance with the Frenchman Alex.  Me and Carly2 have been hanging out a lot, which has been nice and we now are grouped together and just known now as the Carly´s.
With me and Thomas now just friends, which we probably should of been in the first place, I was free to do what ever I wanted again.  Which was just as well as I pulled a very cute California surfer on dance night at La Luna.  He was called Utaw (I know!  Why can´t Americans just have normal names like John and Kate) and as well as surfing he does Yoga so was very ripped and great arms.  I think I´m getting a weakness for men with strong arms.  It nearly didn´t happen though as I was very drunk and still trying to work it, and I fell down a ditch.  Luckily he didn´t see, I didn´t break my leg and carried on like nothing had happened, just a little sore.  Utaw left the next day to go back to the states which was sad, but actually OK as there can be no attachment then.
Saturday the fiesta came to town and we all had a hostel outing.  The fiesta is a big event for locals, with food, rides, disco and the main attraction being the rodeo.  The rodeo is crazy.  It consists of everyone sitting on the fence of the bull ring, while a few crazy tico´s (Locals) and Gringo´s (Americans) run around the ring waiting to get killed by the bull they release.  The bull comes out with some man trying to stay on it wearing american football padding and helmet, while it bucks.  Once the man comes off the bull some old tico always with a fag in his mouth then waves a red flag in front of the bull trying to annoy the hell out of it, while all the men show how manly they are by trying to whack the bull on the arse.  Eventually they lasso the bull.  All very crazy but much better entertainment than X Factor.  Unfortunatley some stupid Gringo woman was just stood there having a fag when the bull stamped on her knocking her out. Very messy  and not nice  Luckily they have a make shift medical centre on the ring, because apparently this happens all the time and thats what most people come to see, mashed up people!
On Thomas´s last night we had a cocktail evening,  where Cat 2 (Our new bar tender from Berlin)  created new cocktails.  As me and Thomas were now like part of the furniture of the place we had the honor of having a cocktail named after us. I always knew it was my calling in life to get a cocktail named after me.  Thomas´s was called the Naughty Thomas, due to his womanising ways.  It was very sweet at first but then leaves a bitter after taste in your mouth, which I said was very suited to him.  We both laughed.  Mine was the sweet Carly which seemed very sweet but was actually very strong due to the amount of gin in it.  Cat2 thought it was a good one for me.  I think she was right.
Tomorrow I head back to San Jose to meet up with my house mate Angus who is coming out to travel Central and South America, which is cool.  So I close a chapter on the first part of my journey.  I have memories that will stay with me.  I love you Nasaro.  Thank you for making me the happiest I have been in a long time.

OBSERVATIONS

* When I wear my very obscence hot pants, I don´t seem to have any problems getting rides when I´m hitch hiking!

* A Brazilian wax over here is different to the ones back home, as I found out to my horror.  I feel like a ten year old girl.  Wrong!

* My spanish is getting better.  Well it couldn´t get any worse!

LOST IN PARADISE

I have been lost in my own little world for a bit, and it has been very nice for the time it has lasted.  I forgot about everything and everyone back home for a while, and have lived here in my own little bubble.  It was like London and the life I had there did not exsist, like it was just some dream.  I even have my own little daily rountine.   I wake usual at 6.30 am, listen to my music in my bunk bed until 7.00am, then I changed into my bikini, put the sun cream on and head to the bar, where Julie serves me my usual hot ginger, lemon and honey, which Jeff usual nicks.  Sometimes I mix it up depending on my mood and have museli intsead of omelette (Crazy I know)!  I then walk to the beach usual with Thomas as he goes for his morning surf, or with Hannah if she can out of bed in time.  I lay basking in the rays until 11.30am, at which time I leave on my 4km walk to Spanish school (I'm getting very fit here), stopping off on the way for my usual pastry from Cafe de Paris where I practice my really bad Spanish with the guy behind the till.  I get to Spanish school, have a dip in the pool before lessons start and look over my very badly done home work.  I suffer for four hours in lessons and then get a ride home with Sylvia one of the teachers, back to Almost Paradise.  I shower change my clothes and then go and prop up the bar for the rest of the night, eating Stefans food of the day and talking to the regulars.  I feel like part of the furniture there these days.  So this has been my life for the last couple of weeks and I have been very happy with it, but the problem with bubbles is that they always burst and one day mine did a little.  Me and Thomas have been close now for a couple of weeks, to the point that people started  to refer to him as my boyfriend.  It felt weird.  What felt even weirder was I started to feel a little bit attached towards him.  This was not part of the plan.  I did not come here to get in a relationship with anyone.  Especially not Thomas.  He is very independant, a nomad, and wants no ties in life. He is also a big player.  I always knew that about him and have never expected anything from him.  I think we both freaked each other out.  I decided it was for the best to cut myself off from him and told him I just wanted to be friends.  He agreed.  It has changed us, which makes me sad.  The first couple of days, were uncomfortable, but things have got better and we are friends once again.  It did make me realise though that this little world I have here is not forever and I will be leaving soon for the road.  Its time to start taking my head out of the sand.
Its hard to get around here.  We are so cut off from everything, there is no real transport unless you have a car.  We have been trying to pimp Hannah out to men with cars so we have transport, which she suceeded with an American guy called Andrew for a bit, but then he pissed off back to the states.  So when, me and Thomas tried to hitch to go and see the baby Turtles at Ostional, and failed miserably as it was a Sunday morning, we decided to hire a quad bike.  Yes!  Quads are the way to get around here as the roads are so bad.  Only one problem is the dust on the roads.  You get covered.  Me and Thomas showed up at the bar for mulled wine night looking like chimney sweeps, which made Julie laugh alot as we sat there drinking our drinks covered from head to toe in dust. It didn´t help that Thomas also drove the quad like he was Micheal Schmacher, but I like a bit of danger; its more exciting.  We did get to see the turtles in the end (actually I bloody saw three times in the end) as we drove to them at first light getting Hannah on the quad with us.  We told Thomas he was very lucky to have a threesome on a quad with a blonde and burnette.  He just smiled.  It was worth it though to see hundreds of little baby turtles take their first steps into the world and head towards the sea.  It was so magical, until Thomas informed us that only one in a hundred make it!  Then the picture became more clear as vultures attacked them and bit their heads off, dogs ate them, the sea knocked them on to their backs and the hot sun drained the life out of them.  Magic turned into massacre and all this on a hangover after mulled wine night; not good!  Me and Hannah were sad.  Thomas was? Well just Thomas!  So couldn´t tell what the hell he thought. Just another day in Paradise, then.

OBSERVATIONS

* The howler monkeys round here are little bastards.  They like to shit or piss on people when they walk under the trees they are in, as I found out the other day on my way to Spanish school as one decided to shit on my arm.  God dam it!

* We had a bit of danger and excitement the other day in the hostel when Stefan found a snake in the foot path.  It turned out it was a fluer de Lance and if it bites you, you only have minutes to live.  So some one had to kill.  Andrew the American volunteered as I think he wanted to show off in front of Hannah.  He got a machete and chopped it into bits.   Which wasn´t to pleasant as I had just eaten!

*  The local supermarket does not sell water, beer, or much food, but there is always a vast supply of cocaine.  Not quite Sainsburys then!

*  The surfing is starting to get better.  It still bloody hurts though.

* I´m really shit at spanish.

*  I need to stop saying shit so much!

ADIOS!

I realised something the other day; that I'm always having to say goodbye to people in my life. With my job, I'm always working with people for a short space of time and saying goodbye to them when the show finshes.  To be fair I say goodbye a lot to most of my relationships also.  I have grown so use to it now, I tell myself that I'm good at it, that I really don't miss people, but really I do.  Traveling is the same as well, meeting people but always having to say goodbye, which was what I had to do again last week as my international family left me bit by bit.  Maria left for San Jose, Pete when back to the cold of Canada and Alex and Carly 2 ventured off into the sunset on a romantic journey up the north of the country.  Even Cat and Hannah left for Panama for a couple of days (I'm heading there later so decided not to go), thus leaving me all alone sleeping in my empty dorm, and I thought to myself "I miss everyone" but that's OK.  So I found myself left in the care of Jeff and owen!!! This meant being shown round their bachelor pad where they proudly showed me their DIY which consisted of them raising their beds on breeze blocks so they could now see the sunset from them, which they thought might help pull more ladies?  Jeff was not happy when I told him that Owen's bed was much better.  I was also left with task of putting cream on Owen's surf wound, for which I was rewarded with being shown on the floor of the hostel bar, how to get up on a surf board, which was probably not the best timing as we had, had a couple of beers by then.  Some of the dinners looked on in confusion as two crazy people lay on their stomachs on the floor pretending to paddle, while Stefan, sat rocking his head back and two, chewing a tooth pick listening to hard core German rave (Julie and Stefan listen to it 24/7).  I decided to keep myself busy with everyones absence by filling in for Cat as a volunteer at the local summer school.  Rabbit in the head lights would be the sentence I would use to describe it.  My first day consisted of me looking after 160 hyper Costa Rican kids, and me not knowing any Spanish, it was a hard task indeed.  Luckily NO!  means no in Spanish.  The rest of the time I spent shotuing at them in English, to which they ignored me.  So all in all it went very well indeed.  
I wasn't on my own for long.  Thomas came back, looking like a scared little puppy dog.  He didn't think I was going to talk to him and I'm not sure things went well with Frenchie (Wonder why?).  So!  I have had a few complaints from readers on this topic, so let me put things straight.  First he's not my boyfriend and I'm not his girl friend.  Where both traveling and not here to get into a relationship and finally I'm under no illusion that when I leave this place, I am probably never going to him again, because you always have to say goodbye in the end; Remember?  So no, I'm not angry with him, I would of probably done the same.  I'm not interested in going to Heaven.  All I do know is that I get on with him really well, he makes me laugh and for all our differences, I think we are quite similar.  I will make the most of the time we have left together and thats all I can do.
I've started doing an intense Spanish course for two weeks, so that I might be able to survive in South America.  This means I have 4 hours a day, with an amazing teacher called Kattia who only speaks to us in Spanish.  I would like to say I'm finding it easy but God its probably one of the hardest things I have every done!  I'm not going to be fluent but hopefully something will stay in.
So the other night Jeff and Owen decided to have a BBQ which was probably the most disatorous but funny one I have ever been to.  Jeff who had arranged it decided not to show up as the 2 girls he wanted to shag were not coming, so it was left to Owen to set up the BBQ in a wheel barrow, which he dropped as he got nearly bitten by a scorpion.  He proceeded to get very drunk show us his pubes, tell everyone he had seen my nipples, while the two smelly weirdo hippies from the hostel, nicked our food.  Jeff did turn up later, so Owen just started shouting at him that he was a big knob head (there like a married couple!)  So just another normal night at Almost Paradise.  Julie and Stefan are having a mulled wine party on Sunday, to remind them of Berlin, so God knows what carnage is going to go on at that?

OBSERVATIONS

* The boys have all taken up a new sport of Iguana shooting.  I wake up most morning to find Owen on the bar Terrace with an air rifle, swearing alot when he misses them.

*  I'm not an natural surfer.  Had my first lesson with Jeff and spent most of my time spitting salt water out of my mouth as I fell off the board loads.  I did manage to get up in the end though.

* I think I really am starting to hate hippies!

*  Why do Americans all do there best English accent like Dick Van Dyke in Mary Poppins!  Very annoying.

* Ruby Wax was drinking in Almost Paradise bar last night. Show biz or what.