HAPPY

I've been feeling really low of late.  I've had a few knocks recently, that have found me in that dark, negative frame of mind that I said I didn't want to go back to any more.  This long cold winter doesn't help either.  It doesn't seem to end.  I have never been more desperate to see the spring in my life.  Some of my friends of noted my recent sadness, and one asked me what made me happy?  She told me to say the first things that came into my head, no matter how small, and to list them and say why. I am told it makes things more clear in your head.  So here is my list and my reasons:

MY FAMILY

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The corny and obvious choice, but its true and they will be always first on my list.  From the begining, I was the odd one out, and never really fitted in, in warrington, but that doesn't mean I don't love them.  They ground be and make realise the important things in life.  They are always there for me, and I can't tell you the amount of times I have turned up feeling like a train wreck, but by the time I am ready to leave they have made me strong and ready to take what ever life deals out again. They can be crazy, mad, and annoying, but I love them all dearly.

TRAVELING
Its funny how there are certain things that people take to, like a duck to water.  Thats what happened to me with traveling.  When I was a child I use to love looking at the screens in the airport and get excited by all the different destinations people were going to all over the world, and I always couldn't help but feel a little disappointed that Alicante was mine!  I didn't get the chance to go traveling properly until I was 25, but I have made up for it since.  I'm in love with it, maybe even a little bit addicted!  My travels have given me some of the happiest times of my life and I have seen things that will stay with me until my dying day.  I am need of another big trip.  I'm thinking South America is on the cards soon.  Here is some of the best moments so far:

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FLOWERS

I have grown up around flowers, with my mum being a florist.  I just think they are the most beautiful things and love to be surrounded by them.  I love buying flowers and try to go down to Columbia Road flower Market when I can, especially in the summer, when I like to cycle down on my bike wearing a very short dress that flashes my knickers to the whole of Hackney.  The best thing in the world though is to receive flowers, something that an ex of mine use to do a lot, especially when he had done wrong, but when I received those flowers I could never see any of his wrong doings anymore.  Funny that!  Boy! He knew how to work me.

BOOKS

Apart from running the animal sanctuary when I get old, I would also like to be a part time librarian, just so I can be surrounded by books.  I'm totally obesessed with them, and they probably make up most of my belongings in this life.  I always reading, and usually have three books on the go at once.  At the moment they are: Carter beats the devil by Glen david Gold; A thousand Splendid sun's by Khaled Hosseini and a historical biography on Lucrezia Borgia by Sarah Bradford.  I was totally devastated recently when Borders became another casualty of the recession, as I could often be found in there, sat looking through a book, usually in the history corner, which always raised a few eyebrows with a tall blonde, looking a bit out of place with the usual balding, geeky middle age men that normally frequent that aisle.  Well you should never judge a book by its cover!  Did you see what I did there?  Anyway my favourite books are The star of the Sea by Joseph O'Connor; The Curious incident of the dog in the Night-Time by Mark Haddon; Shantaram by Gregory David Roberts and The CrimsonPetal and the White by Michel Faber.  I would sell my soul to the devil if I could right anything a fraction as good as these novels.

UNDERWEAR

You can look as rough as hell on the outside, but if you are wearing good underwear underneath you feel great on the inside.  When I broke up from my ex one of the first things I did was go out and buy a load of new underwear, just to make myself feel better, and you know what?  It worked as well.  I'm always popping into Agent P or Selfridges when I'm in town working, but most of the time I just have to window shop at those prices.  I shouldn't have such expensive tastes? My favourite of course is Agent Provocateur, its just so sexy but classy at the same time.  I feel so good wearing their stuff.  I also love Myla, La Perla, What Katie did, Coco De Mer and of course you can't beat good old M&S.

WRITING

As I sit here and write these words, I am happy.  Writing is something that has come only to me later in life.  I find great solace in it.  I don't always say the right things or express myself in the right way in this life, but with writing I find a great freedom in putting out my feelings without interruption or feeling insecure with them.  It has become like a form of therapy for me.  I have note pads all around the place filled with feelings, thought, observations and sometimes nothing of importance at all.  Before I die I have said I will write a book, and you know what?  I really believe I will, when the time is write.