A QUESTION OF LOVE

God its Valentine's day tomorrow, the day that very single person seems to dread.  It will be the first time I have been single for the day in two years, not like that matters.  My ex never wanted to celebrate the day anyway, as he thought it was commercial rubbish, but on reflection, I just think he was too cheap to want to do anything.  I guess it is a day like any other as I never done or received anything memorable, apart from one thing.  Years ago a boyfriend of the time, made me a home made Valentines card.  It consisted of a heart cut out with his face behind it, him sticking out his tongue.  He had decorated the outside with pink and white rolled up balls of tissue, or maybe toilet paper!  I still have it hidden away somewhere and ever now and again, I come across it and it brings a smile to my face.  It was and still is the most heartfelt gift I have ever received and reminds me of a time I was very much in love.
Valentine's day also has other significance for me:  It almost marks a year of me being single.  Sometimes it feels like a life time ago and then there are times it only feels like yesterday.  It was a split that left me confused, sad, and questioning what love really was?  The year in between has seen many ups and downs in my quest to find out what love was again.  Some men have made me cry, feel cheap, and worthless.  Others have given me hope, confidence and understanding.  I have been told my three men this last year that I mean a lot to them and they totally adore me, but they never adored me enough, as they would have never let me go out of their lives, so their words are meaningless.
So I sit here on the eve of Valentines, alone but happy.  I have finally learnt again to feel happy in my own company, the desperation and the loneliness that I have felt in recent times have disappeared.  I am now content, so from now on I'm not looking for love anymore, it can bloody well find me.