JAIPUR: HELL!

DEFINITIONS OF HELL:
OPTION 1:
Hell is a place in the after life, where you are punished for your sins in life and burn for all eternity.

OPTION 2:
A 14 hour bus journey from Amritsar to Jaipur in which you get Delhi belly and then on arrival spend the next 5 days being ill in your room.

At this moment in time I'm deciding on option two!
It all started when we boarded the bus from Amritsar. We had purchased tickets for an over night sleeper to Jaipur. Me and Lauren had a double top bunk. I climbed up and my first impression was, I think we have a 99% of catching bed bugs from this place! Yes it was a complete flea pit! Oh well! It being a 14 hour journey we had also purchased some snacks for the trip. It was purchased from a street store. Now I have been to India twice before and have never been ill from the food. In South America I was never ill. I fell sick in Cambodia with water poisoning but I soon recovered. I have always purchased food from the street, it's sometimes some of the best and very cheap. I was even bragging to Lauren at one point, that I had a very strong stomach. I spoke too soon, and cursed ourselves. The number 13 bad luck was back! And boy was it back!
About 5 hours into the journey I started to experience stomach pains. They started to get worse. A massive wave of nausea came over me and all I could smell was the left over snacks.
"Lauren, can you throw the food out the window it's making me sick."
Lauren looked worried and did as I asked, but it was too late; the sickness had taken hold. And not long after, I'm screaming
"Lauren get the window open, I'm going to be sick."
The window is jammed. My head is spinning.
"I'm going to be sick, I'm going to be sick! Hurry please."
Lauren manages to free the window in time and I throw my head out of the still moving bus and projectile vomit. I'm sick until there is nothing left in me. Luckily we are at the rear of the bus so no one can see the white girl puking her guts out, all over the back of the bus ( There is a God)! I lie back and try and sleep. The pains in my stomach get worse and my stomach becomes very swollen. There is no toilet on the bus, and I have just thrown up all my pain killers. There is nothing to do but grin and bare it. The pain becomes so immense, I want to cry. It feels like someone is stabbing me. Lauren looks on helpless as I groan. It is the longest bus journey of my life and I pray for it to be over. We eventually arrive in Jaipur and I'm a broken women. As I'm sick we check into a good hotel. I then spend most of my time in the bathroom or just lay like a zombie. It's horrible. At least Lauren is OK, and can look after me I think. WRONG! That night I'm awoken by the sound of Lauren vomiting in the bathroom. She is soon as bad as me. The next day I try and convince myself I'm getting better. I try to read, I use the Wi-Fi and watch some TV, but I soon lose the battle. In the end me and Lauren just lie like zombies not talking and only moving to go to the bathroom. The next day I'm so weak; I've gone through a whole packet of immodium; I haven't eaten in 3 days; and even though the room is littered with dead water bottles, our lips are cracked with dehydration. We are not getting any better, in fact we are getting worse. This is not your normal travellers bug, that you get, I thought to myself, this is something very bad. It's was at this point I made a decision to do something that I never do.
"Lauren we need a doctor" I said " I'm going to get us one!" Lauren hardly responded but did seem to agree sort of, as she kind of moved her head. I managed to get to reception with the last of my energy. As I arrive at the desk my mouth is so dry I can hardly talk, everything is spinning. I nearly faint, and the guys at the desk grab me and prop me up.
"I need a doctor" I mumble.
Depuk the skinny, funny guy who works on reception, suddenly tries to pick me up "Gone with the wind" style and carry me up the stairs! As he's smaller and skinner than me, I tell him I don't think it's going to work and not to bother, much to his disappointment. I just get him to support me all the way to my bed. They call a doctor, to come out and see us, as we are unable to really move.
An hour or so later, there is a knock at our door. I force myself out of bed. I'm completely out of it. I answer the door to a short squat man with sliver hair and beard, who was wearing the best blazer ever, followed by his assistant holding his bag.
"Hello. I'm the doctor" he says calm and collective.
I lay back on the bed. He asks me questions but I'm all over the place and answering the simplest thing seems hard. He examines me and Lauren.
"Carly, Lauren" he's says in his deep booming voice, "You are very ill and dehydrated. You have a serious stomach infection and because of this your normal medicine will not work. We have to inject you with antibiotics, straight into your bloodstream."
I don't care, he can inject me a hundred times, I think, if it makes me feel better. I hold out my arm.
"No not the arm" he says "Your backside."
What! My ass! Oh God! Actually I really don't give a Dam right now. I roll over and pull down my trousers. I receive injections on both sides, Which even outs the numbness. He leaves us with some medication and tells us that his assistant will be around tomorrow morning to take blood and stool samples and that we must go to the clinic the next afternoon. The rest of the day we just sleep and hope to feel better. The next day, there is a slight improvement but we still feel awful, can't be far from a toilet, and are still not eating. We go to the doctors that afternoon and receive more medication, through a needle. The next day Lauren is feeling better and eats. I try but struggle. We have to go back to the clinic again for a check up. I'm feeling crap again and fear I'm heading downwards. After more injections, the doctor decides to put me on a drip, as I'm so dehydrated and weak from lack of food. I lie there for two hours while, my body is fed vital fluids.

We are back at the hotel and sat on the roof top terrace ordering food as the doctor has told us to eat. I feel terrible. The smell of food is making me sick. How can it be that after 2 hours on a drip I'm still totally dehydrated. I get frustrated. After 5 days I've barely eaten a thing, I'm still going the bathroom every two seconds; my stomach is still swollen and I have constant nausea; and even though I'm glad Lauren is better, it's hard seeing some one who got ill after you, get better before you. I lose it and start to cry. India you have broken me, I think. I feel so bad I have to go back to my room and the kitchen delivery my food to me there. I lay in bed and just look at it. Food has become the enemy. I take a couple of mouthfuls, but I feel I'm just going to be sick again. Lauren takes it away and I lie down depressed and defeated. If some one would of come along then, and said they would shoot me to put me out of my misery, I would of gladly excepted.

I awake the next morning and Lauren is full of energy and wants to go sightseeing, and who can blame her. Before she goes she orders breakfast for me and gets it sent to the room. I sit looking at the food, thinking "here we go again", but then I realise I have no nausea and my stomach isn't swollen. I'm a bit taken a back, but then I suddenly realised I hadn't really eaten in 6 days and started gobbling down everything on the plate like a ravenous animal. I sit and wait, but nothing happens. I don't need to go to the toilet and I don't need to throw up. OMG! The biggest smile comes across my face. By the time Lauren gets back I'm like an excited kid.
"Lauren I feel fine, in fact I feel amazing."
It's like some one has just flicked a switch that just makes you better. I've never know anything like it: to feel like this now, when the night before I was at my lowest. I want to go out, as the hotel feels like a prison. Apart from going back and to, to the medical clinic, I haven't left it. Lauren suggests we go to the cinema, to see a Bollywood film, as she was told it was great fun and it won't be too tiring. Now those of you who know me, might remember my previous experience with Bollywood. It kind of involved me having a screaming row with the Indian costume girl in front of the England cricket team, in Lincoln Inns Fields, while telling her to shove her job and throwing all my kit off the costume truck. So as you can see my Bollywood experience was kind of interesting. Well maybe watching Bollywood, would be better than working on it. Another reason for going to see Bollywood in Jaipur was, that it had probably the best cinema in India. After purchasing our tickets from an outside booth, we pushed aside the doors and were greeted with the most amazing sight. It was the most over the top, tacky, kitsch, retro interior I had ever seen and I totally loved it. It was like some big pink fairy cake with icing. After staring a lot, we were ushered into the screen. Now us in west, our obsessed with complete silence when we go to the cinema. Not in India. As soon as the opening credits start, the crowd start cheering and screaming. They laugh loudly; shout at the screen and wolf whistle at the beautiful leading lady. It's more like theatre. It's great and if I could actually understand what is going on (Yes the whole film is in Hindi) I would join in more. The film we go and see, Danbangg 2, from what I gauge is about a cop who wears very tight retro slacks and who likes wearing his aviator sun glasses on the back of his shirt. The plot is really that he just goes round beating up some bad guys, then does some singing and dancing, while gyrating his hips a lot, then he beats up some more bad guys, sings and dances and gyrates his hips some more! All very taxing stuff!

The next day we go to see the doctor for the final time. He gives us our final injections (My arse is a pin cushion by now)! He then proceeds to give us our test results.
"Girls, you were very ill. The tests show you had the bad strain of E. coli." He says it so calmly and slowly I don't really register what he says at first.
"E.coli! E bloody coli!" I think to myself. Isn't that, that thing that killed lots of people in Britain last year!? Yes it bloody is! I look at the test results; its there in black and white. Jesus Christ!!!! This is all going on in my head, but in general I just sit quietly listening to the doctor. He continues.
"As you can see, you are much better and will make a full recovery. You must", he pauses for a long time. Then continues "Take all the tablets we give you, so we kill the parasite and it doesn't come back." His assistant then gives us, what looks like a whole chemists worth of medicine, which we have strict instructions which and when we take.
We say goodbye to the doctor. I'm going to miss him. Not only does he have a fine array of 80's style blazers; wears his shirt quite unfastened; and has a cool gold signet ring which he wears on his pinkey, but he is kind and calming. I like the fact that he speaks slow and pauses mid sentence most of the time, for no reason at all. He also comes out with some great one liners. I like him a lot, but I like him most of all for making us better.

Our last day in Jaipur and I finally get to see some of the city. That night we catch the night train. Maybe some people might think we left too soon after getting better, but after a quick recovery and a week in Jaipur, we were gagging to get on the road again. India is a big country with many things to see, and this experience had not broken me. You might of abused me and made me suffer India, but I still love you, but isn't it always the ones you love the most, that always hurt you the most too? I should know that by now shouldn't I? Next stop Udaipur.