NEW YEAR: HOT TUBS; CHAMPAGNE; CHILDREN; AND CHIHUAHUA'S

I don't get asked to baby sit a lot. That's because I'm not very good at it. I once fell asleep before the kids I was meant to be looking after. The parents came home to find me passed out on the sofa, while the kids were running riot, when they should of been in bed hours before. Another time I decided to take my wards to the video shop to keep them entertained. For an easy life I said they could watch anything they wanted. It didn't go down too well that they chose and I let them watch "Freddy got Fingered!" Before you start it's not a Porno but was an 18 certificate and as I was told not an appropriate film for children to watch. I explained it was good for kids to learn things early in life. I myself had seen "Basic Instinct" at a very young age. Well actually this was only because I'd told my mum that it was a mystery, love story, which it sort of is? I just forgot to mention it was a mystery, love story with a nymphomaniac serial killer woman, who didn't like wearing knickers.

My family had a slight problem this New Year. My sister was flying and mum and Paul had booked to go to a hotel. There was no one to look after the most beloved member of our family: Coco the chihuahua! Well there was one person? ME!

OK so I'm a rubbish baby sitter with kids, but I was sure I'd be better with animals. I'm good with animals. To be fair I often prefer animals to people. They are loyal and don't give you any hassle. As I was going to Sherwood Forest to a log cabin for New Year with it all my friends, I thought it would be perfect for a dog, so I volunteered myself. After all how hard could it be to look after a dog?

I should of got worried when my sister started packing the dogs stuff. Coco the chihuahua is like a child to my sister and it is completely spoilt! I just want to state that I had one bag of belongings; the dog has two, complete with different outfits (Coco has her own wardrobe where her clothes are hung on hangers) and a selection of cuddly toys! I'm also bombarded with a list of how to treat the dog and what not to do! They also threaten that nothing better happen to the dog or my life won't be worth living! I'm sat in the car, ready to start my journey looking at the chihuahua dressed in a jumper sat in her own basket, placed on the passenger seat (for her own comfort!) thinking OMG, what the hell have I let myself in for?

I lied! I actually had more than one bag! I had two whole bags full of alcohol as well! Though I shouldn't of bothered as the guys have already filled the bath full of champagne (My heaven)! The log cabin is a mass of energy; greeting friends I haven't seen in a long time; people drinking; people cooking and Stan, my friend Claire's son running around with my hat (which is way to big for him) falling over his face. I sit back and relax with a drink. Everything is just perfect! Well that's until I try to move anywhere. The dog is following me around everywhere. It becomes like some weird furry stalker. I can't even go the toilet without her following me and jumping up on my lap mid pee! Throughout dinner she cried and begs to be picked up, which I have to do in the end and cradle her like a baby. OMG! I'm not looking after a dog! I'm looking after a baby! It's like baby sitting all over again.

The log cabin has a hot tub! Yeah! I'm determined to see the New Year in, in the hot tub with a glass of Champagne. You can't get much better than that! There's one problem though. It's not working properly as there has been a power cut, so it's kinda not very hot. Still we brave it for a while. There is also a second problem. The DOG! AGAIN! It keeps standing a the side of the hot tub crying in the cold wanting me to pick her up. I cut my losses leave the tub and celebrate midnight hugging everyone in a bikini with a chihuahua attached my arm of course.

I would like to say I think I have grown up from my baby sitting days and even though I got totally wasted and actually didn't go to bed all night I was still a responsible mother; feeding the dog; giving her toilet breaks and even taking her for a walk at 7am very drunk and wearing my onsie. How responsible am I?

The dog continues to follow me everywhere, which is now worse as I have a hangover and haven't slept in 24 hours. I put my foot down when she actually tries to get in the shower with me!
When we had all recovered from New Year we decided to go on a big walk to Sherwood Forest to see Robin Hoods Oak tree (which turned out not to be his oak but like one he used, which was shit)! I dress Coco in one of her many coats. As she going for a number 2, I realise I haven't brought any poo bags! I rush her before other people come a long and see I haven't cleared the mess. As we are walking, I realise that the dog has shit all over its ass. OMG! I am going to have to clear it up. You have to understand this is the worst thing anyone could do to me. I have never even changed a babies nappy as I can't stand anything like that. I think I'm going to cry. Luckily Alex had wet wipes for Lyra (thank God for mums)! Everyone takes great amusement as I grimace a lot performing the task. Im thinking at this moment, a babies nappy would be better! Oli starts taking photos as he knows this will wind me up more and he lives to wind me up. I'm almost tempted to throw a shit stained wet wipe at him. I did it though, I did it. I dealt with shit; literally!
That night I return Coco the chihuahua home in one piece.
"I hope she's been looking after you" my sister says to Coco.
Looking after her! Looking after her! You don't know what I've been through the last couple of days, I think to myself. Dogs are such hard work. I think I'll take baby sitting over dog sitting any day in future!