KYOTO: GUILT TRIP

A week before I was set to go on my travels, I went back up north to see my family. On visiting my Dad he told me he was going in for open heart surgery the week after I left. He asked me if I would go to the hospital the next day with him for further tests and to see the consultant. I guess you always think your parents are always going to be around forever, but no one is immortal, even your parents and this finally hit me when sat in a hospital room with the surgeon telling my father if he did not have this operation his heart was going to kill him. The operation was not with out its risks too, which he listed. We are sat afterwards in the hospital waiting room. If my dad was feeling scared or nervous by what he had just heard, he didn't show it. He seems more concerned with scar he is going have on his chest and how the operation is going to mess up his New Year plans, but maybe that was just his way of dealing with it. I on the other hand, was trying my best to reframe from crying. I felt like utter shit. I had planned this trip months ago and the thought of going away had been the only thing that had been getting me through the last couple of weeks. Going away, now seemed like the worse thing in the world. I tell him I'm going to cancel it. I know the ticket is non refundable. He tells me to stop being stupid. 

"You have worked hard for this and I know how much you want to go. Besides you have to go and see your brother and your nephew."

He tells me Barbara (His girlfriend) and my sister will look after him and keep me informed. I felt selfish and guilty going away and no matter how much everyone said it would be OK, the truth is I would never forgive myself if anything happened to my dad and I wasn't there. 

In a way Japan was the perfect place to go. There is so much to do and see that your days become so filled, you don't really have anytime to think of things. It was only at night when I finally stop and lay down to sleep that I would have time to think and become stressed about things. No matter how tired I was I had total insomnia that first week in Japan. The day before my dad's operation I decided to take myself off to Kyoto for 2 days as I had always wanted to see it and I wanted to be on my own, as solitude is my way of dealing with things. 

Now I've travelled a lot on my own, in fact it's what I prefer and not many things intimidate me but travelling in Japan is quite a different kettle of fish. As soon as my brother left me at the station with strict instructions of how to navigate my way through the Tokyo train system to my intended station, I had an overwhelming feeling of panic. 

"Shit I'm on my own! I don't know the language! I can't even read the writing! There are so many people everywhere and none of them understand me!"

I pulled myself together and get going, finding my way through the crowded commuter crowds. It's a good thing to be tall in Japan as it means that your head and shoulders above everyone else and that you can breath while everyone else is squashed down below, in the rush hour crowds.

After getting a little bit lost and confused I make it to my station to catch the Shinkansen otherwise famously known as the bullet train, Japan's high speed train which will take me to Kyoto. In a city as busy as Tokyo, the timing of the trains is critical. If a train is late it causes the whole system of flow to collapse. If a train is more than a minute late the driver has to issue an apology. I have never seen a train late in Japan. Please take note British rail.

Kyoto was the imperial capital of Japan for thousands of years and is known as the place to see the old Japan of geishas, tea houses and temples so it comes as quite a surprise when I get off the train and huge modern city presents itself to me. "Were is the quaintness?" I think to myself. It's only afterwards that I realise that Kyoto is still a city with a population of 1.5 million. I eventually find my hotel after walking around lost for half an hour, even though it is right next to the station and I've already walked past it twice. I cannot check in yet so I leave my bags and decide to head out and see the city. I buy a bus pass and decide to head first to the famous golden pavilion, Kinkaku-Ji. Unfortunately I get on the wrong bus and end up at another temple, which is nice but it isn't the bloody golden pavilion! After looking at the bus map at every angle possible, including upside down and getting on another wrong bus, I finally make it to the pavilion. It rather busy, mainly with really annoying Chinese tourists who seem more interested in getting a photo of themselves with the new Selfie stick than actually taking in the sights. I worm my way past them and walk past a group of Japanese school children, dressed in the traditional sailor suit style uniform which I think is particularly cool (High school would have been much better if we'd had that type of uniform)!  I see some of the kids pushing one of the boys towards me. He stops me slightly hesitating and starts to speak to me in broken English:

"Hello. Can we speak to you in English?"

"Yes" I respond. There is a cheer of excitement from the class. I have an audience.

"What is your name?"

"Carly." The is met with "arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr" of wonder.

"Where are you from?"

"London." This is met with a double "arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr" of wonder and even the teacher who is looking on seems so excited by my response he looks like he might wet himself. 

"Why are you in Kyoto?"

"To see all the temples and look at the ancient culture!" This doesn't get an "arrrrrrrrrrrrr" as I think I have gone beyond their English vocab and none of them can understand a word I'm saying but they nod politely anyway.

"Thank you for talking with us" says the boy "and here is a present!" I'm then given a plastic lamenated card which one one of them has made with peace and love written on it and then weirdly enough the puma sports logo drawn with "Puma" written underneath. Strange! I then have to have a group photo take with them all to prove that they have spoken to a weird white alien like lady who they can't understand a word she says. Peace, love and puma is all I can think as I walk away. I might make it into a saying?

Afterwards I decide to get the bus to Gion which is the district that my brother had said I would like. He was right. Here was my Kyoto, with narrow winding streets, and small wooden houses and shops that lined them. I'll say one thing about me, is that I can walk. I can walk forever (Actually this excluding up hill)! Maybe it's because of many years living in London, but it's a trait that I have taken traveling with me. I find nothing better than going to a new place and wondering the streets for hours. I do this in Gion Until the night has fallen and everything has turned black. I decide to catch the bus back to my hotel but have walked so off route I haven't a clue where it is anymore. I'm completely lost again (It seems to be a reoccurring thing for me).  I keep heading south through the back streets in hope that this will lead to the station and my hotel. It's on one of these back streets, I see a head of me, a woman at a door bowing to an older lady.  They are both wearing the traditional Japanese Kimono but the younger woman has a face painted porcelain white, a black stiff wig and flower ornaments hanging from her hair. It's a geisha! The geisha, the Japanese courtesan, who my brother had told me where very hard to see, as they are only seen in public briefly while leaving their houses and tea houses for short moment before they get in their chauffeur driven cars to go to another event, all done privately behind closed doors. Sure enough a suited, hatted driver waits by the roadside with car door open ready to whisk her away. In the west some people look on geishas as just high class prostitutes but in Japan it is a profession that is looked apon with respect. As they do not want to be a tourist attraction and shield themselves away from the eyes of the public, I feel extremely lucky to have seen one. I walk along a few houses further and the same scenario presents itself! A white painted faced kimonoed young woman bowing to an older woman and a driver waiting by the side of the road. It's another geisha! I can't stop staring. I want to take a photo to prove I actually saw one. Actually no! Two! But I can sense they feel my eyes apon them and feel a sudden sense of violation of the scene, if I was to get my camera out. This is why I would never make a good photographer. I photograph it with my eyes instead. I'm on cloud nine when I walk a little further to see another geisha just about to get in her car. OMG! This is amazing. I must of wandered into a street of where geishas live. I watch the rest get into their cars and drive off into the night. Sometimes it's good to get lost I think to myself.

I get back to my hotel eventually and finally check in. It's the smallest hotel room ever. A single bed squashed into a space that also contain a small desk. The bathroom is tiny too complete with a bath tub that is a like a big washing up bowl, but it's deep. I'm exhausted. I look more tired than I did in London. I text my dad to say I lit a candle for him at the temple that promises health and safety and because of that I know everything will be OK. 

I don't really sleep again that night but I have become use to feeling tired. Today I want to go and see the imperial place and Nijo castle. I decide the best way to do that is to cycle. The previous day I had seen that Kyoto was a very cycle friendly city and everyone cycles everywhere, especially on pavements and cycle paths. I headed to the shop where I was given a pink basket bike who I called Barbie Chan (I know I name everything!) I purchased a pair of gloves and brought along a wool hat as it was freezing. The shop owner gave me a map and asked me where I was heading to. 

"The imperial palace!" I reply.

"You have booking?"

"No!"

"Then you cannot go. You need booking in advance for tour. Weeks in advance!" He tells me.

Great! I think I guess I won't be going there then. I head straight for Nijo castle on Barbie Chan. Besides I was more excited about seeing Nijo as it was built by the Shoguns and was meant to be like something out of a kurosawa film. The only problem is that when I cycle up to it I'm met by a sign saying:

Shut today due to restoration work! What the Hell! I'm furious. My kurosawa fanasty is over. The day isn't going well, so I decided to cycle over an hour out of town to a bamboo forest and temple as they can't shut a forest for restoration can they? The cycle is pleasure able if not cold and I feel safe as I wiz by people at a fast rate (please note that 90% of the people I over take are 100+ year old pensioners, so this is not a great achievement)!

After a full day of sightseeing I sadly drop Barbie chan off and head back on an late evening bullet train to Tokyo. I'm anxious as I know that my dad is in surgery back in England now. I just want to get back to my brothers so I can be back on the Wi-Fi to find out what's going on. It feels like the longest journey ever. I make it back to my brothers just before midnight. He and Yuko are still up. 

"Have you heard anything about dad?"

"No!"

"Have you?"

"No!"

He looks worried, though he would never say he was. 

There is nothing to do but sit and wait and look silently at a phones to light up with some information of what's happening. We sit there for what feels like an age. Its horrible, this feeling. It's the early hours of the morning. We both know that my dad has been in theatre longer than he should of. The anxiety is overwhelming but I look at my brother. He looks tried and he has to work in morning. I tell him to go to bed and I will wait up for news. I lay in my bed in the early hours of morning staring at my phone. A message finally comes through from sister. At first I'm scared to look at it but read it all the same.

"The operation was a success! Now gets some sleep! X"

There was huge relief, of course there was. Dad was going to be OK. Everything was going to be alright, but I'd had got myself into such a state I felt sick and still could not sleep. But it didn't matter though. Dad was OK. It was only the next day I finally started to relax. My sister and Barbara kept me up to date with his progress. Already he was conscious and asking if his hair looked OK. That night my sister sent through a picture. It was Dad sat in bed in hospital. Even though he was sat in bed covered in tubes and a large line of stitches down his chest, he looked better than I had seen him in ages. The colour had returned to his face. I realised then my father for a long time had looked grey and ill in his complexion. It was a beautiful sight. I would like to say for all of you that know my father, after skyping him and keeping up to date with him, he is making a good recovery (though is still moaning about not being able to drive for another couple of weeks) and will soon be out and about causing as much trouble as he did before. The next night I had my first good nights sleep in two weeks. I awoke feeling great. I wasn't stressed and could finally start to really enjoy this trip. The guilt had gone.

OBSERVATIONS 

I know! I haven't done the observation section in a post for ages, but I Japan is a country full of observations, it would be rude not to. 

* You see a lot of crying girls at Japanese train stations. This is (as my brother tells me) because a train station is the main place to split up with your girlfriend in Japan. So if you have a Japanese boyfriend and he asks you to meet him at a train station it's not going to end well. I'm just saying!

* Thigh high style hooker boots seem to be really in fashion here. I will not be adopting this trend!

* Green tea is the favourite drink here but you can just about get anything in green tea: ice cream, crisps etc, but my favourite has to be the green tea Kit Kat, which looks like a Kit Kat but is green like someone has snotted all over it. Once you get over the snot look they actually taste OK.

* Japanese people get very drunk, very quickly on not a lot. My brother use to have a collection of photos titled "Drunk Japanese business men" which he use to photograph lying in the gutter after a night out. 

* You can buy used Japanese school girl knickers from slot machines. I'm informed they are of girls over 16 as school girls wear the uniform up to 18 but OMG! Wrong!

* Don't ever, ever, ever go into Toys R Us in Japan. It's like some bad acid trip!