MELBOURNE: FRIENDS REUNITED

It's funny how some people come into your life. Take for instance one of my closest friends Kym. Kym was only meant to be in my life briefly and then vanish like a lot of people do. She was renting a room in our warehouse for a couple of weeks while my housemate was away on holiday. During this time I spilt up with my long term boyfriend who I lived with as he was cheating on me with a girl who lived down the corridor from us. With all the tears, shouting and drama, Kym must of thought she had moved into some sort of Jerry Springer episode. I chucked my boyfriend out as it was the only thing to do. The only problem with this was that between us, we rented a bedroom and an office. I could not afford both on my own. As I had been a complete nutter on the verge of a breakdown (or drunk!) most days since she had lived there, it was a complete surprise when Kym said she would move into the office and make it into a bedroom to cover the rent. She stayed for 8 months and over that time we became good friends, and when she left we continued our friendship and over the years she has become a really good, loyal friend to me. So looking back on it now, I'm really glad my boyfriend cheated on me, because I would of probably never of become friends with Kym and gained a person who was far more important to me in my life. I'm also glad he cheated on me as he was German and listened to bad German rap music, so it meant I didn't have to listen to that anymore as well! 

While I was traveling through South America this year, Kym emailed me to say that she had decided to move back to her homeland of Australia after 8 years in London. She was tired of London life and wanted a new start back home. I was devastated. Not only was it another person from my circle leaving London, but moving to the other side of the world! I was going to miss her so much. Kym was the person I rang when I was feeling down, if things weren't going right or if I was involved with another asshole of a man, and she rang me for the same reasons. Things were always easy and uncomplicated with Kym. She has at times, not had the easiest of lives, but you would never know. She never complains, never feels sorry for herself or never makes a song and dance over things.  She has the ability to laugh off the most horrible of situations. I once asked how she always remained so calm and was able to laugh off these things.

"Because if I don't, I would cry and it's much better to laugh" was her response.

I didn't get to say goodbye to her properly as I was lay up in bed with a chest and throat infection from Hell. Maybe it was a good thing as I would of cried my eyes out in front of her, so instead I cried my eyes out on my own, while high on Day Nurse and antibiotics for my infection! 

I was determined to keep in contact when she left. I sent her emails to ask how her new life in Australia was going, but got no response. I felt gutted. "Was this the way it was going to be now she back in Australia. Would she forget about me now" I thought to myself. A couple of weeks later I received an response email. Kym told me that she was sorry for not replying sooner but she had been in hospital for the last couple of weeks with Pancreatitis and a collapsed lung. She calmly said that it had been quite serious and she had nearly died. Not the start to a new life in Australia she had hoped for. Kym was one of my main reasons for visiting Australia. I missed her and I wanted to check my friend was OK. 

"You have Australian visa?"

I'm panting, out of breath at the check in desk of Narita, Tokyo airport after sprinting across the terminal, scared I was going to miss final check in after missing my train and having to wait another hour for the next one. I make it just in time but then I'm presented with this question.

"No" I reply "British passports don't need a visa for Australia!"

"I think they do" replies the woman politely, behind the desk. 

"I've been to Australia before and I didn't need a visa!" As this was seven years ago I really can't remember if this is true or not but I'm sticking to the story.

"I have to check with immigration" she says I picks up the phone and starts to dial. I'm starting to feel nervous. I spy an Australia couple at the desk next to me.

"I don't need a visa for Australia with a British passport do I?" I turn to ask them.

"Na!" they respond "You will be fine."

A tall, thin, camp Japanese man waltzes over.

"I believe you don't have a visa for Australia?" He asks.

"No. I don't need one!" I say defiantly.

"Well then I can't let you board this flight then!"

"What!" I go white and my mouth drops open. "You mean I can't get on the flight!"

"That's what I just said."

"But I have a British passport. I've been before!" I say in shock.

"I have worked here many years and you have always needed a visa" he responds. I hate this guy! He's smug and has a face I want to punch! I stand for a minute defeated.

"You pay 3000 yen and I can do visa online now for you" he says.

"Really?" My face lights up. This guy is not so bad after all. I wait anxiously as he types away at the computer as time ebbs away. This is cutting it down to the wire. After what felt like forever, he turns to me:

"It's done you can check in. Oh and next time you go to a country I suggest you check the visa situation!" 

No! I take it back! I hate him and his smug face, which I still want to punch! I make it to the gate as they announce the final call, with my nerves shot at.

I wasn't go to stay with Kym first up as she was moving into a new house. I had rented an Air B&B with  my friend Biskey who had come to see me from Sydney. As I said it's funny how people come into your life, well read how I meant Biskey and rest of the Pussy Fags (I did not give them this name before you all start telling me off for the use of this term!) in Colombia click here

Actually you should read it as then you will understand the chaos of what is about to follow as they seem to bring chaos with them. The plan was simple. I had the address of the apartment. I would buzz and he would let me in. Hey presto! That simple! Well you would think but as I have learnt, nothing is that simple with the Pussyfags, especially Biskey. After going through immigration and getting my luggage I arrive at the address at 2am. I buzz. Nothing. I buzz again! Nothing! I keep buzzing. Nothing! Nothing, NOTHING! I decide to ring him but I realise I only have Biskeys English mobile number from when he was in London. I have to turn on my 3G. I leave a message to say I'm outside. Nothing! So it's the early hours of the morning and I'm sat on the street with my bags looking like a homeless person in the middle of Melbourne. It's not even warm! I want to kill Biskey! I've been sat there at least half an hour, when a guy walks over:

"Are you OK there?" he asks.

I explain the situation to him. Luckily he lives in the building and takes pity on me and let's me in. Result. I find the apartment and knock on the door a couple of times.  Nothing. I try the handle. The door opens. Amazing! I walk into a dark and silent and apartment. I call Biskeys name. Nothing. I walk from room to room with no signs of life until I finally I reach the bedroom where I can see a figure asleep in the dark. I call Biskeys name again. I walk closer to the bed and then I have a heart attack. You see Biskey is of Indian origin and is dark. This guy in the bed is definitely white! "SHIT! I've walked into the wrong persons apartment! I'm going to get arrested for trespassing in some one else's place!" I think.

I'm still having a heart attack when the person turns around and looks at me.

"Hello slag! Surprise!"

It's Reuben! One of the Pussyfags, but he's not meant to be here! I throw myself on the bed and give him a huge hug.

"Where the Hell is Biskey?" I ask

"He got drunk and didn't want to wait, so went out!" replies Reuben.

"What! He's such an idiot! Why didn't you wait up and let me in?" I ask Reuben.

"I'm not even meant to be here remember? I'm a surprise! None of my responsibility!" is his response and turns over and goes back to sleep. A typical Pussyfag response: I'm not taking responsibility! I decide to go to sleep and not get angry. Why would I expect anything different from these guys? They are total nightmares. Isn't why I get on with them? Life is never boring with them? 

I've been asleep over an hour when I get woken by a phone call.

"Where are you?" Says the person down the line.

"Biskey! Is that you?" I ask.

"Of course it is! Where are you? I've been waiting for you!" He replies

"No you haven't! Where the Hell have you been?" I'm angry and tired after being woken from sleep.

"Yes I have! I've been waiting for you at the casino!" 

"Why the Hell are you waiting for me at a casino?"

"Because that's where I am!" He retorts

"Your an idiot and I'm going to sleep!" And I hang up.

An hour later I'm woken from sleep again. This time it's Biskey in person shaking me! He smells of alcohol. 

"Hey how are you? I was waiting for you?" He says drunkenly

"No you weren't! You were at a casino?"

"I know! I was waiting for you in the casino!"

"Your drunk!"

"No I'm not!"

"I can smell it on your breath!"

"I won $10,000 at the casino!"

"Yeah right! I'm going back to sleep! Nite!" And turn over.

I hear Biskey stumble to the kitchen to fix himself another drink and try to fall asleep while he plays music too loud in the living room. "Well a least they weren't a disappointment on the chaos element" I think to myself as I fall to sleep.

I will give Biskey his dues. No matter how drunk or little sleep he gets he always gets up to battle the next day. He just needs a pair of dark shades and a strong coffee to hot wire him. By the way he didn't win $10,000 at the casino. More like $800! The boys decide as its my first day in Australia they want to take me to the best breakfast place in Melbourne. The problem with this is, they can't decide on a good place. We walk the streets of Melbourne for over an hour to the point that everywhere has shut for breakfast! We miss breakfast! Typical! So I end up having the best lunch in Melbourne. It's not long after midday that the boys decide we should have the first bottle of wine. "Well we should" I think "to celebrate our reunion!" After the lunch (which was bloody amazing!) they take me to a roof top bar that looks like some picture postcard house of white picket fencing and pink upholstered chairs. The sun is shining, the sky is blue, my Dad is on the mend, I'm not on the street looking like a homeless person, I haven't been arrested for trespassing in someone's flat and the boys have just ordered a bottle of Bolllinger! Life is good! I'm full of the joys of spring! Life is very good! We get slowly drunk. We are served at the table by young pretty girls dressed in the shortest of tennis skirts, that if they bend over too much you will see right up them. The boys are in their element. They refer to the girls as number1,2, and 3 and compare who is the best. I think they forget at times I have tits and a vagina because they treat me like I'm one of the boys. The thing is I do have tits and a vagina and I'm really proud of my tits and vagina!

"Will you stop talking about women as if they are objects! We are not objects! We are people!" I berate them.

"We know you have tits and a vagina, but you should be happy that we treat you like one of the boys. Number 2 is nice but I don't really like the underwear she is wearing" Reuben continues to Biskey totally ignoring me.

Assholes! 

I arrange to meet Kym later that evening. I'm so excited to see her. I tell the boys they can't come. The reasons for this is are:

1. Reuben has already asked if Kym is fit. He can hit on the whole of Australia but he ain't going anywhere near my friends.

2. I don't want to be having a deep and meaningful conversation with Kym while in the background all I can hear is them two going on about the merits of the waitresses underwear. 

3. I need to get away from the walking bags of testerone for a bit. I tell them they can meet us for dinner later.

On the way to meet Kym at Flinders street station I realise I'm quite drunk. I have been drinking since midday though and trying to be one of "The Boys!" Kym is already there waiting for me at station. She looks really well. Radiant in fact. Not like someone who has nearly died. I'm so happy to see her well. We walk and talk. It feels like I just saw her yesterday. It doesn't feel like we are the other side of the world. We go to a bar down the lanes and catch up. Kym tells me she has been asked to do a PHD. Back in London Kym was a lawyer for Hackney council. She decided she want to do something different. So she decided to study for a masters in Human Rights and journalism, while still working full time. Kym is extremely intelligent, probably one of the most intelligent people I know, but what I like about her is she can be as ditzy as Hell sometimes too. She passed her masters with a distinction and her dissertation picked up the highest mark in her year. It's this dissertation that an Australian university has picked up on and want her to write a PHD on for 3 years. She tells me that she is waiting to hear if she has been successful in her application for the funding it will take, for the 3 years of research and writing she has to do. I can tell she has pinned all her hopes on this and doesn't quite know what she will do if the application fails. I tell her it will be fine. 

After meeting the boys later on an over crowded roof top bar we decide to go for dumplings in China town. It's cheap and cheerful as you have to bring your own booze. We get sat down in a massive room full of drunken people at a long table crammed with others. It's like some bad medieval banqueting hall. We are sat next to a group of girls when Biskey spies one and does his usual trick and turns to us all and says:

"I'm in love!"

"Your not in love!" I hiss at him "You have only just seen her and you have never spoken to her!"

Biskey ignores me.

By the time the food arrives I realise I'm completely wasted. I look around. Biskey is still staring at the girl like some love sick puppy or stalker (it depends on which way you look at it) and Rueben is looking at some girl in a short skirt that has just walked in. 

"Are they always like this?" Kym asks.

"Yes!" I reply drunkenly

Kym makes the wise decision to depart after dinner (I really don't know why as we are such pleasant company?). It would of been a wise decision for me too by then, but I'm not very good at wise decisions, so instead I down what is left of my bottle of processco in the street and start talking crap to some fellow Brits I find outside a bar. After that things become a little hazy. I remember the boys dragging me to some bar and then them arguing with the bouncer to let me in as he's refused me entry as I'm too drunk. He relents and I'm whisked in and sat down in a corner, while Biskey plonks down a pint glass of water in front of me and tells me to drink it. It's going to take more than a pint of water to sober me up and Biskey realises this

"I'm taking you home" he says. I know I'm in a real bad way as Biskey is the most irresponsible person I know and even he's looking after me! He drags me back to the apartment and dumps me on the bed and goes back out partying (as I said: not responsible)!

I awake the next morning to the hangover from Hell! I wander to the living room to find Biskey passed out on the sofa and Reuben on the floor with some blonde spooning him. They are surrounded by empty bottles and cigarette ends. I decide to have a shower and freshen myself up, while trying my hardest not to throw up on myself in the shower. "I'm getting too old for all of this!" I think to myself in the process.

When I return to the living room the boys are back in the land of the living, the blonde has gone and there raring to go again! "Right lets get back on it!" They beam. I just want to die.

Melbourne is known for its food and the boys take me to one of the best where we eat like kings. They order wine and I'm looking at the glass like its the enemy. 

"Come on. Hair of the dog Carly! It will make you feel much better!"

Funnily enough it does and a bottle later I'm feeling brilliant, and by the time Kym comes to meet later in a bar I'm well....... Drunk again! 

I decide to head to a BBQ of one of Kyms friends and have some time out from the boys. It was perfect weather for it. Melbourne has very changeable weather: worst than Britain if that's possible? One minute it can raining with gales the next it can be 33 degrees and so hot you can't think. It must of been that hot, as I wasn't thinking properly (or was it the fact I was drunk again?) as I rang the boys and decided to join them again instead of going home after the BBQ. They were at one of their friends houses in the suburbs, having a party so I drunkenly got a taxi to the address. The taxi dumps me at the end of a cul-de-sac and I look blurry eyed for the house numbers. I decide the house at the end is the one I want and stagger up the drive and to the porch. "It's very quiet for a party" I think to yourself. The door is open so I just drunkenly stroll in to find an old couple sat watching TV. They turn around in shock when they see me!

"Arnold? Reuben?" I blurt out in panic

They stare back at me blankly.

"This isn't number 34 is it? I'm in the wrong house aren't I?" I say pleadingly

"Yes Doll! It's next door!" Says the old man. 

Shit! I run out the house as quick as possible. "Why the Hell does this keep happening to me?" I think to myself. I don't tell the boys about this incident or I'd never hear the end of it. 

After too many drinks again I find myself collapsed in bed again before midnight (I really am getting too old for it!) and once again awake, to find the boys heaped on the sofas in some drunken state. Luckily they have to catch a flight back to Sydney (which in their state I'm not sure how they managed?), which means my liver and sanity can have a rest, until I see them in Sydney. I clear the carnage and the odour of stale booze left by them and collapse on the sofa. I don't drink that day. The boys have left me broken once again! 

The next day I go to stay with Kym at her place in the suburb of Northcote. She'd only moved in the day before as being ill and in hospital has set her back a bit (nearly dying can do that)! She has moved in with an old childhood friend Bryony who is an artist and her boyfriend Gregory who a scientist. There are two other housemates as well: one who is a teacher who plays the guitar and doesn't shave her arm pits and the other is a lesbian writer who also doesn't shave her armpits either. The house is big, but saying that there isn't much room due to the fact that ever square inch seems to be cluttered with anything and everything. No one seems too keen on cleaning either, but everyone is very big on communal living and sharing, so when dinner time arrives everyone chips in with cooking the food which usually consists of something vegan with kale in it. This is followed by after meal discussions about science, politics and green issues  which leave me feeling kind of stupid and not well read enough. Its how I'd  envisage a 1970s commune in San Francisco to be, only that we are not wearing flares or flowers in our hair; though I wished we were as that would be cool. I also wished I was wearing a crochet waistcoat as well because that would be even cooler. 

The days in Melbourne pass a lot calmer than how they started. Me and Kym go to museums, I eat well (lots of kale)  and my liver becomes normal again.

Before I leave I go to see Ann. Ann is one of my mums friends who she use to work with back in England. Ann has been over the years one of the most encouraging people to me about my travels and my writing. There is a reason for this. Years ago Ann lost her daughter in car accident in Australia when she was back packing. It was all very sad and tragic. I think Ann likes to see my travels as I guess it's probably what her daughter might of done if she was still alive. Ann ended up marrying an Australian and moving over here a couple of years later. 

I meet her at the train station and we go for dinner. Ann is all smiles, with a soft nature. She still has a strong northern accent without a hint of a Aussie twang. She tells me about her life here. She has been helping as a volunteer for road trauma victims and their families. She tells me she finds it hard here sometimes. Even though we speak the same language and Australia is quite similar in some ways to England, you have to remember it is still completely the other side of the world from us. I understand why it would be hard. That said you cannot focus on the negatives of situations in life and I tell her this. She must focus on what she has got here: a good partner; a beautiful city and the blue sunny skies. I would love to live in a country where the sky was blue most days. For me alone that would be worth it. We go and sit by the river and I make Ann have a glass of wine, because as I tell her "everything is better with a glass of wine!" We sit and talk as the sun smiles down on us and while I'm sat there with Ann talking about my travels, with my glass of wine, blue skies and not a care in the world it occurred to me that I should practice what I preach and think about all the good things in my life and not the negative. I realised at that moment I was a very lucky person indeed. 

Next stop Sydney! 

KYOTO: GUILT TRIP

A week before I was set to go on my travels, I went back up north to see my family. On visiting my Dad he told me he was going in for open heart surgery the week after I left. He asked me if I would go to the hospital the next day with him for further tests and to see the consultant. I guess you always think your parents are always going to be around forever, but no one is immortal, even your parents and this finally hit me when sat in a hospital room with the surgeon telling my father if he did not have this operation his heart was going to kill him. The operation was not with out its risks too, which he listed. We are sat afterwards in the hospital waiting room. If my dad was feeling scared or nervous by what he had just heard, he didn't show it. He seems more concerned with scar he is going have on his chest and how the operation is going to mess up his New Year plans, but maybe that was just his way of dealing with it. I on the other hand, was trying my best to reframe from crying. I felt like utter shit. I had planned this trip months ago and the thought of going away had been the only thing that had been getting me through the last couple of weeks. Going away, now seemed like the worse thing in the world. I tell him I'm going to cancel it. I know the ticket is non refundable. He tells me to stop being stupid. 

"You have worked hard for this and I know how much you want to go. Besides you have to go and see your brother and your nephew."

He tells me Barbara (His girlfriend) and my sister will look after him and keep me informed. I felt selfish and guilty going away and no matter how much everyone said it would be OK, the truth is I would never forgive myself if anything happened to my dad and I wasn't there. 

In a way Japan was the perfect place to go. There is so much to do and see that your days become so filled, you don't really have anytime to think of things. It was only at night when I finally stop and lay down to sleep that I would have time to think and become stressed about things. No matter how tired I was I had total insomnia that first week in Japan. The day before my dad's operation I decided to take myself off to Kyoto for 2 days as I had always wanted to see it and I wanted to be on my own, as solitude is my way of dealing with things. 

Now I've travelled a lot on my own, in fact it's what I prefer and not many things intimidate me but travelling in Japan is quite a different kettle of fish. As soon as my brother left me at the station with strict instructions of how to navigate my way through the Tokyo train system to my intended station, I had an overwhelming feeling of panic. 

"Shit I'm on my own! I don't know the language! I can't even read the writing! There are so many people everywhere and none of them understand me!"

I pulled myself together and get going, finding my way through the crowded commuter crowds. It's a good thing to be tall in Japan as it means that your head and shoulders above everyone else and that you can breath while everyone else is squashed down below, in the rush hour crowds.

After getting a little bit lost and confused I make it to my station to catch the Shinkansen otherwise famously known as the bullet train, Japan's high speed train which will take me to Kyoto. In a city as busy as Tokyo, the timing of the trains is critical. If a train is late it causes the whole system of flow to collapse. If a train is more than a minute late the driver has to issue an apology. I have never seen a train late in Japan. Please take note British rail.

Kyoto was the imperial capital of Japan for thousands of years and is known as the place to see the old Japan of geishas, tea houses and temples so it comes as quite a surprise when I get off the train and huge modern city presents itself to me. "Were is the quaintness?" I think to myself. It's only afterwards that I realise that Kyoto is still a city with a population of 1.5 million. I eventually find my hotel after walking around lost for half an hour, even though it is right next to the station and I've already walked past it twice. I cannot check in yet so I leave my bags and decide to head out and see the city. I buy a bus pass and decide to head first to the famous golden pavilion, Kinkaku-Ji. Unfortunately I get on the wrong bus and end up at another temple, which is nice but it isn't the bloody golden pavilion! After looking at the bus map at every angle possible, including upside down and getting on another wrong bus, I finally make it to the pavilion. It rather busy, mainly with really annoying Chinese tourists who seem more interested in getting a photo of themselves with the new Selfie stick than actually taking in the sights. I worm my way past them and walk past a group of Japanese school children, dressed in the traditional sailor suit style uniform which I think is particularly cool (High school would have been much better if we'd had that type of uniform)!  I see some of the kids pushing one of the boys towards me. He stops me slightly hesitating and starts to speak to me in broken English:

"Hello. Can we speak to you in English?"

"Yes" I respond. There is a cheer of excitement from the class. I have an audience.

"What is your name?"

"Carly." The is met with "arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr" of wonder.

"Where are you from?"

"London." This is met with a double "arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr" of wonder and even the teacher who is looking on seems so excited by my response he looks like he might wet himself. 

"Why are you in Kyoto?"

"To see all the temples and look at the ancient culture!" This doesn't get an "arrrrrrrrrrrrr" as I think I have gone beyond their English vocab and none of them can understand a word I'm saying but they nod politely anyway.

"Thank you for talking with us" says the boy "and here is a present!" I'm then given a plastic lamenated card which one one of them has made with peace and love written on it and then weirdly enough the puma sports logo drawn with "Puma" written underneath. Strange! I then have to have a group photo take with them all to prove that they have spoken to a weird white alien like lady who they can't understand a word she says. Peace, love and puma is all I can think as I walk away. I might make it into a saying?

Afterwards I decide to get the bus to Gion which is the district that my brother had said I would like. He was right. Here was my Kyoto, with narrow winding streets, and small wooden houses and shops that lined them. I'll say one thing about me, is that I can walk. I can walk forever (Actually this excluding up hill)! Maybe it's because of many years living in London, but it's a trait that I have taken traveling with me. I find nothing better than going to a new place and wondering the streets for hours. I do this in Gion Until the night has fallen and everything has turned black. I decide to catch the bus back to my hotel but have walked so off route I haven't a clue where it is anymore. I'm completely lost again (It seems to be a reoccurring thing for me).  I keep heading south through the back streets in hope that this will lead to the station and my hotel. It's on one of these back streets, I see a head of me, a woman at a door bowing to an older lady.  They are both wearing the traditional Japanese Kimono but the younger woman has a face painted porcelain white, a black stiff wig and flower ornaments hanging from her hair. It's a geisha! The geisha, the Japanese courtesan, who my brother had told me where very hard to see, as they are only seen in public briefly while leaving their houses and tea houses for short moment before they get in their chauffeur driven cars to go to another event, all done privately behind closed doors. Sure enough a suited, hatted driver waits by the roadside with car door open ready to whisk her away. In the west some people look on geishas as just high class prostitutes but in Japan it is a profession that is looked apon with respect. As they do not want to be a tourist attraction and shield themselves away from the eyes of the public, I feel extremely lucky to have seen one. I walk along a few houses further and the same scenario presents itself! A white painted faced kimonoed young woman bowing to an older woman and a driver waiting by the side of the road. It's another geisha! I can't stop staring. I want to take a photo to prove I actually saw one. Actually no! Two! But I can sense they feel my eyes apon them and feel a sudden sense of violation of the scene, if I was to get my camera out. This is why I would never make a good photographer. I photograph it with my eyes instead. I'm on cloud nine when I walk a little further to see another geisha just about to get in her car. OMG! This is amazing. I must of wandered into a street of where geishas live. I watch the rest get into their cars and drive off into the night. Sometimes it's good to get lost I think to myself.

I get back to my hotel eventually and finally check in. It's the smallest hotel room ever. A single bed squashed into a space that also contain a small desk. The bathroom is tiny too complete with a bath tub that is a like a big washing up bowl, but it's deep. I'm exhausted. I look more tired than I did in London. I text my dad to say I lit a candle for him at the temple that promises health and safety and because of that I know everything will be OK. 

I don't really sleep again that night but I have become use to feeling tired. Today I want to go and see the imperial place and Nijo castle. I decide the best way to do that is to cycle. The previous day I had seen that Kyoto was a very cycle friendly city and everyone cycles everywhere, especially on pavements and cycle paths. I headed to the shop where I was given a pink basket bike who I called Barbie Chan (I know I name everything!) I purchased a pair of gloves and brought along a wool hat as it was freezing. The shop owner gave me a map and asked me where I was heading to. 

"The imperial palace!" I reply.

"You have booking?"

"No!"

"Then you cannot go. You need booking in advance for tour. Weeks in advance!" He tells me.

Great! I think I guess I won't be going there then. I head straight for Nijo castle on Barbie Chan. Besides I was more excited about seeing Nijo as it was built by the Shoguns and was meant to be like something out of a kurosawa film. The only problem is that when I cycle up to it I'm met by a sign saying:

Shut today due to restoration work! What the Hell! I'm furious. My kurosawa fanasty is over. The day isn't going well, so I decided to cycle over an hour out of town to a bamboo forest and temple as they can't shut a forest for restoration can they? The cycle is pleasure able if not cold and I feel safe as I wiz by people at a fast rate (please note that 90% of the people I over take are 100+ year old pensioners, so this is not a great achievement)!

After a full day of sightseeing I sadly drop Barbie chan off and head back on an late evening bullet train to Tokyo. I'm anxious as I know that my dad is in surgery back in England now. I just want to get back to my brothers so I can be back on the Wi-Fi to find out what's going on. It feels like the longest journey ever. I make it back to my brothers just before midnight. He and Yuko are still up. 

"Have you heard anything about dad?"

"No!"

"Have you?"

"No!"

He looks worried, though he would never say he was. 

There is nothing to do but sit and wait and look silently at a phones to light up with some information of what's happening. We sit there for what feels like an age. Its horrible, this feeling. It's the early hours of the morning. We both know that my dad has been in theatre longer than he should of. The anxiety is overwhelming but I look at my brother. He looks tried and he has to work in morning. I tell him to go to bed and I will wait up for news. I lay in my bed in the early hours of morning staring at my phone. A message finally comes through from sister. At first I'm scared to look at it but read it all the same.

"The operation was a success! Now gets some sleep! X"

There was huge relief, of course there was. Dad was going to be OK. Everything was going to be alright, but I'd had got myself into such a state I felt sick and still could not sleep. But it didn't matter though. Dad was OK. It was only the next day I finally started to relax. My sister and Barbara kept me up to date with his progress. Already he was conscious and asking if his hair looked OK. That night my sister sent through a picture. It was Dad sat in bed in hospital. Even though he was sat in bed covered in tubes and a large line of stitches down his chest, he looked better than I had seen him in ages. The colour had returned to his face. I realised then my father for a long time had looked grey and ill in his complexion. It was a beautiful sight. I would like to say for all of you that know my father, after skyping him and keeping up to date with him, he is making a good recovery (though is still moaning about not being able to drive for another couple of weeks) and will soon be out and about causing as much trouble as he did before. The next night I had my first good nights sleep in two weeks. I awoke feeling great. I wasn't stressed and could finally start to really enjoy this trip. The guilt had gone.

OBSERVATIONS 

I know! I haven't done the observation section in a post for ages, but I Japan is a country full of observations, it would be rude not to. 

* You see a lot of crying girls at Japanese train stations. This is (as my brother tells me) because a train station is the main place to split up with your girlfriend in Japan. So if you have a Japanese boyfriend and he asks you to meet him at a train station it's not going to end well. I'm just saying!

* Thigh high style hooker boots seem to be really in fashion here. I will not be adopting this trend!

* Green tea is the favourite drink here but you can just about get anything in green tea: ice cream, crisps etc, but my favourite has to be the green tea Kit Kat, which looks like a Kit Kat but is green like someone has snotted all over it. Once you get over the snot look they actually taste OK.

* Japanese people get very drunk, very quickly on not a lot. My brother use to have a collection of photos titled "Drunk Japanese business men" which he use to photograph lying in the gutter after a night out. 

* You can buy used Japanese school girl knickers from slot machines. I'm informed they are of girls over 16 as school girls wear the uniform up to 18 but OMG! Wrong!

* Don't ever, ever, ever go into Toys R Us in Japan. It's like some bad acid trip!

ITS A FAMILY AFFAIR: TOKYO

Do you want to know who I admire the most in this world? It's not some famous Diva actor or popstar. It's not some over paid sports person. It's not even a revolutionary or a peacemaker. It's my baby brother, though I have never told him. Why? Because he has always had the odds stacked against him most of his life and he took those odds and went "Up yours odds! I will still do this anyway!" These odds started from the moment he arrived on this planet, because my brother was never meant to have been here in the first place. My mum became pregnant after having me, more or less straight away. Up to the point of giving birth to my sister my mother always thought that she was having one child. She was wrong! All the doctors were wrong! The hospital was wrong! She was having twins and 15 minutes later my brother was born small weak, with malnutrition, looking like he wasn't longed for this world. The doctors told my parents he won't live. He did! They then said he would probably have brain damage. He didn't! He was diagnosed with learning difficulties and told he would have to go to the special learning unit. My brother worked twice as hard at learning and stayed in normal classes. He was told he probably wouldn't get any GCSE'S. He did! He wouldn't get any A levels. He did! He wouldn't go to university. He did! After graduation he said he wanted to go and work in Japan! We all laughed: "Yeah right Darren!" we would say. He went anyway and stayed for 3 years and started to learn Japanese. He got married, came back to England and had a child. After a year he decided he wanted to further himself. He applied for jobs at high up firms. He would get down to the final few each time but get rejected. "We like you" they would say "but your not experienced enough, your writing isn't good enough!" He had this for 2 years, but he never gave up and kept trying harder after every rejection and then one day it happened. "I'm moving back to Tokyo. A company want me!" And that's where we find him now: working for one of the biggest law firms in the world, a valuable and highly regarded, as far as I can see, member of the company. You should never tell anyone they can't do something in life, no matter what, because if they want it enough, they can! This is why I admire my brother the most in this world.

I hadn't seen my brother and his family in over a year and a half, since they had last paid a 2 week visit to England. I was coming to Australia anyway, so what better way of breaking up a trip than stoping off in Tokyo and having some family time. Besides I been to Tokyo ten years before with my boyfriend of the time and my sister and had the time of my life. Even now, a decade later of traveling, I still think Tokyo is one of the best cities and experiences I have ever had.

"Leo is really looking forward to seeing Aunty Carly again" my brother would tell me. This bemuses me! "How the Hell does he remember me in this first place?" I thought to myself. I've always regarded myself as the absent Aunty. Even when my nephew was living in England I was never around as he was in Manchester and I was always leading my life in London. Unlike my sister I have never been maternal. When my nephew would cry or have a tantrum like kids do I would never know what to do and walk away in my usual selfish manner, feeling not a lot. Things in my life have changed recently though. I have learnt more about children, and I'm not as scared or awkward anymore around them. I have learnt a side to me I thought I never had. I saw this as an opportunity to connect with my nephew. And to get to know him.

My brother came to pick me up at the airport which I insisted on as:

1. I was carrying a bloody great big suit case full of presents for him!

2. I hadn't got a clue how to get to his and neither did I understand any of the swiggly writing that is known as Japanese.

3. He's my brother, so he has too.

To be fair though I'm not sure whether my brother had much more knowledge than me of the Tokyo train system as he seemed to get lost every two seconds. It's not like he's lived in Tokyo for six years! Oh wait a sec! Yes he has. On changing train lines my brother insists we go into the seven eleven shop and buy some alcoholic beverages as he tells me lots of Japanese people drink them on the way home.
"You should of have one of these!" He's says pointing at a can in the fridge "It's a Suntory Highball! It's soda and whiskey and it has no calories!"
"Are you trying to say I'm fat Darren?"
"No! I'm yes saying girls like that type of thing!"
"That's kind of stereotyping women!" I retort. I'm just about to go off on one of my feminist rants, when I think, "Actuallly whiskey and soda sounds really good and no calories! Even better!"
We spend the rest of the journey back to his drinking Santory Highball from a can looking like alcoholic westerners as I don't see one Japanese person drinking the whole way home. Great!

I awake the next morning a little confused due to jet lag and a hyperactive five year old jumping on me!
"Aunty Carly, Aunty Carly!" So he does know my name! I look at him. He's grown so much, and God he's so beautiful. I know I'm biased but he is. He looks like my brother but he looks Asian too. He shows me his favourite Lego pieces , his favourite cartoon shows. He's speaks to me in a mixture of Japanese and English. His Japanese is better than his English and he seems shy at times talking to me in English. He insists that I come and pick him up from kindergarten, so he can show me to all his friends. To be fair I do feel like a speciality or an oddity (depends which way you look at it) as my nephew presents me to his friends. In fact you feel like this most of your time in Japan. Coming from such a culturally diverse place such a London, Tokyo even though it's is far bigger, with a greater population, it has very little racial diversity. As a 5'10 blonde I stick out like a sore thumb. You sense people staring but when you catch their eyes they always look away quickly. The Japanese never like to be seem looking.

You can't go to Tokyo with out going to a themed restaurant. In fact I think it should be made illegal not to go to one, as its part of the whole Japanese experience.
When I was last here my brother took us to one called Lock Up, which saw us handcuffed to some girl clad in PVC and taken to our cell where we served our food in between the bars and half way through the meal the lights went out and we were attacked by criminals. Definitely the strangest meal I've ever had.

This time my brother was keen to go to a new themed place that had just opened called Robot Restaurant, as a lot of my brothers colegues had recommended it. He thought it would be good a good place for just me and him time.Now what I am about to describe does not even come close to how crazy this night or this place was. You need to have been there to believe it, but I will do my best. It is as follows. We head to Shinjukui at the heart of Tokyo. It's a maze of high rised buildings and lights. It's hard to believe with its vastness that Tokyo was nothing more than rumble after world war 2 and that it was all rebuilt again at such a fast rate like a Phoenix from the ashes.
We arrive outside the venue which is down the back streets of the seedy red light district. Now let's just say you really couldn't miss the venue. Why? Well if you think of every light in Vegas being put onto one building lone building then this was a building. It had so many lights that if you looked at it too long you would probably have an epileptic fit. If this was the outside then what the Hell was the inside like? Well let me tell you! We are led down stairs in to what was know as the waiting area. So try and imagine if a 70's disco, a pimp pad and Versace's house was merged together, well that's kind of the best way to describe this room. It's kitsch, bling and just amazing! Me and my brother are opened mouthed. We are led to are table by a pretty Japanese girl dressed as a sexy Santa who than puts down a robot dinosaur on a table that moves around and makes noises. What the Hell! I turn to my brother.
"What's the robot dinosaur about?"
"I haven't got a clue!" he replies "but it's bloody hilarious!"
We order some Japanese alcoholic drinks in a can, and I haven't got a clue what is, but it's very strong. As we sit drinking two Japanese girls, scantily clad in silver beaded outfits and thigh high boots, appear. One starts to play the piano. The other a violin. My brother starts laughing. "Jesus Christ!" He says. I can see what he's laughing at. The piano player is wearing a black thong underneath her silver tassles which are trying to pass as a skirt of some sort. It really doesn't leave a lot to the imagination.
"I think I can see now, why the guys from work recommended this place Daz!" I say.
The girls are then joined by some guys dressed as robots playing some Japanese flutes. It gets weirder! Then two more scantily clad girls come out with Santa hats on and sing their version of Mariah Careys "All I Want for Christmas is You!" It would have been quite good as they can actually sing. The problem is they don't really know English and so don't pronounce any of the words properly so it sounds like a demented speech impediment version of the song.
"I need the toilet!" I think! Not like the toilet is going to be any less of an experience; which is wasn't! I open the door to find ever square radius covered in gold, mirror and bling. Even the toilet seat is a tropical cerise print. I actually can't wee as I think I'm in shock. It's all too much! The first thing I say when I get back to brother is: "Daz you have to go to the toilets!"

The introduction is over and we get separated from our robot dinosaur (sad!) and dragged further down into the basement to see the actual show. We get placed at tables surrounding an arena and given more of the strange alcoholic Japanese canned drinks. OK! To sum it up it a nutshell the performance is as follows: lots of scantily clad beautiful Japanese girls come out. I start to get really envious of their amazing figures until I realise they actually have a figure of a child and that they only have breasts because they have really padded bras on. Then some girls come out and sit on gyrating diamanté horses and sing Lady Gaga's "Telephone" under laser beams. Next there are some boxing battles between robots and more scantily clad girls and fire breathing dragons. It's at this point I think there must be weird drugs in those Japanese canned drinks and I'm on some kind of crazy acid trip; especially for the finale which consists of UV light dancing girls followed by robotic roller bladers, robotic dogs and a dancing robot. This is then top off with a load more scantily clad smiling Japanese girls riding around on moving women cars with huge breasts, and we were all given glow sticks to dance with. No words! I mean no words could describe that event I said to my brother later as we finished the night the only way knew having a drink in Tokyos answer to an English replica pub. "Maybe epic is the best way to describe it!" my brother later said. I think maybe he was right!

On my last day in Tokyo I decided to take my nephew to another big rage in Japan at the moment: animal themed cafes. You see in Tokyo people have such small homes in densely populated areas most of them don't have room for pets, so people see these cafes as a good way to be able to interact with animals. Cat cafes used to be the favour of the month, but now this season it all seems to be about rabbit cafes, hence that's where we went. We use to have a rabbit when we were kids. It was a white albino dwarfe called Nibbles. I think it was slightly crazy as it always use to piss on me and bite me if wore a certain T-shirt which was burgundy with mustard stripes. I also think he was gay as one time I came to clean out the hutch to find him buggering the long haired ginuea pig Dibbles (see what we did there?) who we had got him as a companion; but I guess Nibbles had a different opinion on what type of companion he wanted. Later Dibbles had to be put down because of a heart attack. My mother could not bring herself to tell the vet the real reason for what induced this attack! When Nibbles eventually died we buried him under the shed in a Victoria biscuit tin and threw daisies we had picked from the garden over his coffin while my step dad covered him in soil with a spade. I actually cried for that sodomising rapist of ginuea pigs! Oh child hood memories!
We get to the cafe which is full of rabbits in cages. Leo gets to chose which two rabbits he wants to play with first. Of course he chooses the biggest called Figaro which is the size of a small dog and one girly looking one with white long hair and a pink bow in its mane. They are cute until they decide to piss and shit every where! My child horrors flash back at me but a least this time it isn't on my burgundy and mustard striped T-shirt (loved that T-shirt)! Leo soon becomes bored and is more interested in chatting to the women that work there. It's at that point I realise my nephew has quite a lot of charm, attitude and swagger for a five year old. I think he's going to be a heart breaker in the future. We leave the rabbit cafe after delinting and frebreezing ourselves of rabbit hairs and fumes. I'm not sure I will be in any great hurry to pay to drink, drinks while rabbits shit and piss all over me again? Been there; done that; and got the bloody T-shirt!
My nephew was being quite difficult on the way home and even threw a tantrum. I felt angry at him for this. It was my last day after all and not part of the plan, so in my usual selfish Manner I decided I couldn't cope with this, I never can when kids misbehave and walked off. It's only later well I'm lay on the sofa knackered, and Leo comes and snuggles next to me for a hug, I realise he is only a child and that's what children do and they are learning all the time, like I am learning all the time! I put my arm around him and we hug. Is the best hug in the world and I finally think for the first time I'm not a stranger to him and maybe actually an Aunty. It's a nice feeling and one I will keep working at. Next stop Kyoto!

24 HOURS IN DUBAI: WEIRD!

I've seen the future people and I can tell you it's not bright, it's not even orange! It's just weird!  How, you may ask! No! I haven't travelled to the future in a time machine or finally given in and let my fortune teller Aunt read my palms or do that crystal ball stuff she does (This isn't a lie, I actually do have a fortune teller Aunt who does it for a living in a seaside town on the east coast, like her mother did before her. Another quirk to add to the long list in my family)!  No, it's none of these things. I got stuck in Dubai for 24 hours instead! 

You know things are never going to go well, when you first turn up at the check in desk, only be told your flight is already an hour delayed. This wasn't good as my connecting flight time in Dubai was already tight. This was taking it down to the wire. "It's still possible though" I thought. Things were looking up though as I had a seat right at the front of the plane which meant extra leg room( which is always good for someone who is 5'10).  It was also  the prime viewing spot for what was about to unfold. I sat down next to a guy who was very friendly. It turned out he was going to Dubai to play rugby in a tournament out there. In fact his whole team were on the flight. Amazing! I realised after chatting away for a bit that the flight wasn't preparing to leave. Strange! Even stranger was the sudden amount of security guys suddenly on the plane. "Do planes normally have security guards on them?" I thought to myself. I then heard some commotion from the back and a thick Afrikans accent go "What da f**k have you done with my son! I F**king kill you! You hear me, F**king kill you!" The next thing a blurry eyed man was being dragged off the plane by a load of security, followed by an out of it spotty teenager. The pilot makes a announcement: 

"I'm afraid we have to delay this flight due to, two intoxicated passengers who have to be removed due to violent behaviour. We will now do a personalised bag check for your own safety."

The whole plane of passengers groan, apart from the rugby guys who joke that they should of let them  know and they could of rugby tackled the drunks out of the plane. 

The pursor (the lead air hostess in charge of the plane) is stood in front of us using the phone looking extremely stressed. It's at this moment another hostess walks up to her and says,

"I'm really sorry but a passenger is really sick I think we might need to get an ambulance!" 

The pursor goes white in fact I think she goes more than white. They then rush off to the back of the plane leaving me with no doubt now that my connecting flight in Dubai is now official screwed! 

The pilot makes another announcement:

"Hello. So I'm really sorry but we now have a passenger that is really ill and we need to remove from the plane. We now have to do another personalised bag check!"

The passengers groan again apart from the English rugby team who are now asking for beers, to go along with the entertainment. To be fair I'm feeling that a stiff drink wouldn't go down too bad now. The ambulance comes and takes away the sick passenger. Finally we can take off! Actually no we can't! The pursor who looks like she has aged about 20 years in the last hour and half is stood in front   me again about to announce down the phone "Prepare for take off cabin crew!" when another steward comes up to her:

"I'm so sorry, your not going to believe this!" And then whispers into her ear.

The pursors eyes widen in horror.

"Your joking me right? This is a joke? I can't believe this is happening!" And she storms off back down the plane, like she's having a nervous breakdown. The rugby team can't stop laughing at this point.

"This is better than in flight entertainment" the one next to be laughs.  I am actually waiting for Jeremy Beadle to turn up and shout "You've been framed!" but I know that's not going to happen as he's dead. Besides they always say things come in threes. The pilot makes another announcement to say we have another problem and we will be delayed further. The groan this time is a little bit more subdued, as maybe people are resigned to their fate or they are just greatful that we don't have to do another personalised bag check. After what seemed like eternity the plane finally took off to great cheer and the rugby team finally got their beers (a lot of them in fact) and the rest of the flight passed without incident. I never did get to find out what the third problem was!

I landed in Dubai as expected: missing my connecting flight by over an hour. "No problem" I thought to myself "I will just catch the next one."

"The next flight to Tokyo is not until tomorrow" said the Emirates representive

"What!" I look at the clock on the wall its 9.30am. "I don't have anywhere to stay or any Dubai money!"

"It's OK. We will sort everything. Hotel, food, transport" they reply.

"Oh great" I say "Can I get my luggage?"

"No."

"What!" I'm dressed for the Japanese winter in a thick jumper, jeans, boots and a Barbour wax jacket. I look out the window at the dawning of another hot Dubai day which must of already hit the mid twenties. You win some, you lose some I guess.

I get herded into bus along with other unhappy holiday makers who seemed to have missed their flights also and dropped at a souless hotel near the airport and given a pick up time for the next day and coupons for food in hotel restaurant. It's all very depressing. Well a least I have a clean room to sleep in (even if it is dull) , as my eyes have started to go bloodshot with tiredness. I get a couple of hours sleep and then my traveller side takes over and I feel the need to go and explore a little even if it means venturing out in a jumper and jeans. 

Dubai is a place I've never had any interest in visiting. A couple of decades ago it was nothing but desert until oil was found in the Emirates and the money started flowing in, and a city was founded at quite an alarming rate. This is what Dubai is: a city founded on modern money. I walk around. Everything is polished and new. It's all bling and marble. Marble which annoying makes my boots squeak every time I walk. There are fancy restaurants serving food from all over the world served by people who are from all over the world, working for the new cash that Dubai brings. There are air conditioned malls selling duty free goods that people buy but don't really need but buy anyway as its tax free. There are seven star hotels (I didn't even know there were seven star hotels: what the hell makes them seven star anyway?) and then there are the buildings, brash, new big and tall, in fact the tallest building in the world which looks like someone stuck a big sewing needle into the floor. Dubai sees itself as a city of the future, raised from nothing, designed for modern age with everything needed for comfort and pleasure. A global city with an international and diverse population. This is Dubai's problem though. It has no history, no culture and no community because no one ever lived there in the first place. It's souless. I walk around thinking that I'm in a revamped version of that film Logan's Run, with people living in a artificial world like Zombies. If this is the future well it's weird and well quite frankly I'm not interested in it. Give me a city anyday with dirt and grime, crumbling buildings and bad facilities. A least it will have some soul and life. The next morning after reaching the Emirates airport, which isn't a pleasant sight at 5am in the morning, as it is lit up like a 70's disco, with flashing lights, I finally get my flight to Tokyo. As we take off and fly away from the Dubai skyline, I see the worlds tallest building staring back at me through the clouds.

"Oh piss off!" I mutter under my breath. The man sat next to me shoots me a look. "He probably thinks I'm weird" I tell myself. "Well a least I'm not as weird as Dubai!" Next stop Tokyo. 

GONE GIRL

I would really like to be a bear right now. I've decided that bears are cool! "Why?" You ask. Well it's because bears hibernate, and all I really wish I could do right now, is curl up into a ball and fall asleep and hide away from the world a little bit. I'm so tired right now. I'm tired of work. I'm tired of dating and men. I'm tired of idiots. I'm tired of 80 hour working weeks. I'm tired of getting up at 5.30am 6 days a week. I'm tired of getting home late. I'm tired of the dark and the cold. I'm tired of the rain. I'm tired of traffic and queues. I'm tired of parties. I'm tired of socialising. I'm tired of small talk. I'm tired of hackney wick. I'm tired of London. I'm tired of everything. I'm tired of being tired! Yes hibernation would be a lovely thing right now. Unfortunately us humans don't have that setting in us. Really, someone should write to God as the manufacturer, and tell him there is a fault in his design, because imagine how much better the world would be if humans hibernated and had a little time out from it all. I'm sure if Kim Jong il had 3 months out hibernating, he'd wake up thinking, "God! I've realised after having some rest I've been a complete bastard recently, so I'm going to give up being a nasty dictator and give the power of the country to the people, and cancel all public executions, including those of my close family!"
In fact if people had hibernated before Black Friday, it would of been renamed "Fluffy Pink Friday" and everyone would of been kind and helpful to one another instead of trying to kill each other by hitting one another with Plasma screen TV's, and thus signifying the fall of mankind!
Time out is what is needed right now from life and as hibernation isn't an option, I'm going to do the next best thing (actually it's a lot more fun than hibernation), I'm going to take myself off from my world for a bit and not think about it at all for a bit. I believe this is called escapism! Oh and guess what? I'm the master of escapism, because escapism is fun. Escapism is adventure, so why the Hell not!
This time my escapism (sorry I mean travels!) takes me firstly to visit my brother and his family in Japan, then on to Australia to take advantage, like a traveling gypsy of all the friends I have accumulated over there, over the years. The final part of the journey, is a little unsure but exciting all the same. Sri Lanka for filming or exploring Burma. Either way I'm not complaining.
I'm traveling a little heavier than usual due to the fact that as soon as my mother found out I was going to Japan before Christmas she went crazy buying Christmas presents for the family and I'm now weighted down with a suitcase the size of a tank which has nearly taken all my luggage allowance. It's a good job me and my back pack travel light. I'm taking this as my mothers revenge for all my years of traveling that have given her slight heart attacks and added to her grey hairs (not like she has any of course)?
I sit here now waiting for my flight the most excited I have felt in a long time, but at the same time with enormous sense of guilt, that I shouldn't be going at all, for reasons I won't explain. It just means the first week I don't feel I will relax properly, but hopefully after that it will be all good. Anyway it's done now. I'm checked in, waiting and ready to go. I hope these travels will lead to as many good stories as before and hopefully I will be a better blogger than my last travels, as I didn't really keep up to date and finish them which was a first. I did have a good a excuse though as my phone did get it stolen in the first week, when I was really drunk in a Buenos Aires nightclub, an experience I do not wish to repeat. Actually that's not true as it was a bloody good night, well apart from the bit I was crawling around on my hands and knees on the dance floor looking for a phone I was never going to find.
Anyway I think my gate has been called. It's time to hit that road. Cue Canned Heat: on the Road Again. This girl is Gone Girl! Woo hoo!
First stop Tokyo!

THE GRINGO TRAIL: LIMA

My mother always said I should have been an only child, as from an early age I've never minded my own company. I'm a little bit of a loner in fact. People are always surprised when I state this fact, because I can, when I want to, be the most social person in a room. That said I crave solitude a lot. I'm quite happy being left to my own devices for long periods of time. In fact I get a little grumpy if I don't. I think its this trait in me, is reason that I have been able to travel around the world on my own. I have realised as I have got older there are very few people I can travel with anymore, for great lengths of time. I find it easier on my own; nobody to please but myself. So when my housemate Kyle said he was coming to meet me in South America, the alarm bells rang. Kyle will be the first to admit he's not the easiest person to please. He likes the finer things in life and gets bored very easily. The thought of Kyle back packing round South America didn't compute in my brain. "This is going to be a disaster!" I thought to myself.

I flew into Lima, feeling quite unsure of myself. I was back on the road again and my head wasn't in that space after staying in Montevideo for a couple of weeks. Kyle had arranged for me to stay at his hostel. I arrived late at night to find a very hungover Kyle and that the hostel had double booked my bed and that there was no room for me. Great! Luckily Kyle knew of another hostel around the corner which I managed to get the last bed in hostel that night! We then went out for drinks and dinner. It was weird that I had been dreading Kyle coming to South America, because as soon as I started talking to him, I felt a wave of happiness spread over me. I guess after weeks spent with Nico, feeling like the outsider in Montevideo, it was nice to have someone from back home who spoke my language and was from my culture. I relaxed, was myself again and nothing was lost in translation. I suddenly realised I was actually glad to see Kyle.

After traveling half way across South America, I was feeling tired and was looking forward to a good nights sleep in my bed. This was not to happen. Apart from sleeping in a dorm with 10 other people, who kept banging their way through the dark as they returned home at different times of the night, the room had no air con, which meant the window was left open for ventilation. My bed was right next to the window and it was Saturday night and I was staying smack bang in the centre of Miraflores the party zone of Lima. It was not kind to my sleep, nor was Sunday morning either. Sunday! The lords day of rest! Not in Miraflores. My hostel is opposite a park, which can I tell you is the most looked after park I have ever seen in my God dam life. It has a million gardeners, Wi-Fi and even the a feeding area for stray cats! It also has Peru's answer to Mr Motivator start his exercise class at 7am on a Sunday! He also performs it with a full sound system and micro phone! What little sleep I was having is shattered! I look out the window to see the park covered in slightly over weight middle class, middle aged Peruvian women in tight Lycra trying to follow the movements of a small man on a stage. My head is banging and my nose is streaming as I seem to have picked up a cold on the flight here. I feel awful. I shove my head under the pillow! "What kind of Hell is this?" I think to myself. I decide to get up as sleep does not seem to be an option. With in the first 5 minutes I realise my room mates seem to have about as much personality as a dead corpse! They are not exactly friendly and most of them brag of their travels with the same places and same stories, as if they are the only people that have ever been there. "Yeah right!" I think to myself "Your on the Gringo trail stupid!" It then occurs to me I myself am back on the Gringo trail!
Gringo is a term used by Native Spanish speakers to refer to US-Americans or any other foreigners and the trail is anywhere we travel in Latin America. In Montevideo I had been as close to, as an 5'10 English blonde speaking little Spanish could be to being a local in Latin America. I had spent my time in the suburbs with locals and had little interaction with Gringos. Now I was back among the backpackers, right in the heart of the Gringo trail (Peru) and I didn't like it. "Bloody Gringos! They are so annoying! I hate them!" I think, then I realise if that is the case I must hate myself as "Your a bloody Gringo Carly!" (Actually Gringa; I'm a female)!

The day after me and Kyle decided to venture into Lima old town. This meant taking the super express which we thought was going to be an high speed train but in fact was a crap bendy bus in a sectioned off lane drove by a mad man that thought he was Micheal Schumacher, which I guess made it pass just about as express. I had wanted to see the cathedral as it held the grave of Francis Pissaro; the conquerer of Peru (Yes I'm a geek: get over it)! The cathedral was shut, so we ended up going on a tour of a monastery next door with a tour guide that was so dull, as she said the same thing as she entered every room in her same monotone voice: "The wood is brazil wood, covered in gold leaf!" I thought at one point she might kill herself with her own boredom. Sight seeing makes one hungry, so me and Kyle decided to take a lunch break. As we were on a budget Kyle recommended that we have the menu of the day or El Menu de dia as its know, as its a cheap tradition in South America, with 3 courses. We found a simple local restaurant with a menu of the day at only £3. Bargain! I started with a soup which was nothing special, but hey! It's £3! The main course was OK. In fact I think I was quite enjoying it until I noticed something sticking out of my rice. It was brown and crusty. I poked at it some more until, it started to reveal itself, and then the gut wrenching realisation of what it real was! I looked in horror as before on my plate lay a giant fried cockroach. I thought I was going to be sick on the spot. Suddenly menu of the day had lost its appeal even if it was £3. I couldn't eat a single thing for the rest of the day.
Next stop Machu Picchu!

A LITTLE LESSON ABOUT URUGUAY

"Where are you?"
I'm skyping my sister one afternoon in Nico's room hiding from the midday sun, when she asks this question.
"Uruguay" I reply.
"Where the Hell is that?" She responds. As my sister thought that Africa was a country, her geography is not the best, but it turns out when I talk about Uruguay not many people know much about it at all. So I am now going to give a little lesson on this country that I have fallen in love with.

FACTS:

POPULATION: 3.5 million (Really small for south America).

AREA: At 176.125sq km Uruguay is the second smallest country in South America after Suriname

LOCATION: Uruguay is between the South of Brazil and the North East of Argentina.

CAPITAL: Montevideo. Almost half the population of the country live in the Capital.

* Most of the low-lying landscape (three-quarters of the country) is grassland, ideal for cattle and sheep raising.

* Uruguay is often called the Switzerland of South America for a stable democracy and social benefits such as free education.

* Although not a maritime nation, Uruguay is surrounded on three sides by water. Three rivers (the Río de la Plata, one of the widest rivers in the world; the Río Uruguay; and the Río Yaguarón), a lake (Laguna Merín), and the Atlantic Ocean border the country. The main port and capital city of Montevideo, founded in 1726, is situated on strategic trade routes.

* Even the name of Uruguay, first applied to the Río Uruguay, has river-related origins. Its etymology derives from either uruguä, a Guaraní Indian word meaning a species of mussel, thus Río Uruguay, "the river of shellfish"; or the Guaraní word components uru (a kind of bird that lived near the river); gua ("to proceed from"); and y ("water").


* I don't think there is a country that the British haven't invaded and yes that goes for Uruguay as well.  Between 1806 and 1807 the British invaded and took control of areas of the Rio de la Plata, even capturing Montevideo for several months from the Spanish.  This was because of the Napoleonic wars as Spain was an ally to France.  I wonder how different Uruguay would be today if the British had kept control?  Apparently there are still buildings left over from the British times.  Nico was going to show them to me but they were in a very dangerous area.

*During the 1970's Uruguay fell under a military dictatorship. According to Amnesty International, a private human rights organisation, under the military regime Uruguay had the world's highest per capita ratio of political prisoners: one in every 500 citizens. By 1980 many citizens had been detained and tortured at some point, and one in every 500 had received a sentence of six years or longer. Between 300,000 and 400,000 Uruguayans went into exile.

* It is probably right to say that Uruguay has been traditionally a more liberal country than the rest of the region. Historically, Uruguay has been a liberal country with a solid track record of reform.

It declared itself a secular state in 1917.
In 1913, it became the first in the region to grant divorces to women who requested them. In 1927, it introduced the vote for women.  This tradition continues today, With Uruguay being one of the first countries in South America to legalise same sex marriages, and abortions. On 10 December 2013, Uruguay became the first country in the world to legalise the sale, cultivation, and distribution of cannabis.

* Uruguay probably has the coolest president in the world. President José Mujica of Uruguay, is a 78-year-old former Marxist guerrilla who spent 14 years in prison, mostly in solitary confinement down a well. He lives simply and rejects the perks of the presidency. Mujica has refused to live at the Presidential Palace or have a motorcade. He lives in a one-bedroom house on his wife’s farm and drives a 1987 Volkswagen. “There have been years when I would have been happy just to have a mattress,” said Mujica, referring to his time in prison. He donates over 90% of his $12,000/month salary to charity so he makes the same as the average citizen in Uruguay. When called “the poorest president in the world,” Mujica says he is not poor. “A poor person is not someone who has little but one who needs infinitely more, and more and more. I don’t live in poverty, I live in simplicity. There’s very little that I need to live.” He also has an adorable three-legged dog, Manuela! Manuela lost a foot when Mujica accidentally ran over it with a tractor. Since then, Mujica and Manuela have been almost inseparable.

*And lastly Alfajor's!  Alfajors are the traditional biscuit of the area and I had a complete addiction to them.  If only you could get them in England, my life would be complete.  The best is the Milka Dulce de Leche ones. God! I miss them!!!!!