YES MADAM!

I do believe it must be against the law or something to have a good nights sleep in India. I don't think I have a undisturbed night since I have been here! There is always some noise or another: your neighbours having loud sex, someone coughing up their insides or nosiy crap ringtones. I thought at least in Puskar I would get a good nights kip, it being the quietest place on my trip. Oh, but no! At five on the dot the music speakers come on full whack playing some Indian song that is sung by a woman who sounds like she is being impaled! This goes on for a least an hour on repeat and then they play another god awful song on repeat for another hour. Then the other night I was woken at about 2am to the sound of a dog yelpng in the yard below me, so I swing open my doors and go and look down off my balcony to find about five of the guesthouse boys whacking their dog with a stick!
"Hello" I shout "Do you think you could stop doing that!"
They all stop what their doing and look up at me with beaming smiles.
"Yes madam! Don't worry we don't kill it we just teach lesson." says the ringleader
"Well I think it is very cruel! Whats it done!"
"Yes madam. It kill duvet and my 950 ruppes jeans. Very expensive madam."
Its then I notice the left overs of a duvet and jeans scattered across the yard.
"Oh!" I say "Well can't you get it a muzzle."
"Yes madam. What is muzzle Madam."
Oh god! why did I start this coversation.
"It's a strap that you put round a dogs noise to stop it biting."
"Yes madam. We have."
Wait a second!
"Why did you ask me what a muzzle was if you already have one."
"Yes madam."
"You don't have one do you."
"Yes madam."
Then it clicks. I look down at these smiling faces and realise the whole time they have been getting a great view up my vest top, even the dog has stopped yelping and is sat looking, tounge out and panting. Oh my god! They are looking at my tits! I quickly fold my arms and run inside shouting, "Just tie it up then!"
The next morning as I check out the ring leader smiles and says he is sorry that I am leaving as he will miss my pretty face. Yeah mate! Its not my face your going to miss, I think! Its a good job I left as I do believe they would be quacking the poor dog with sticks every night, just so the English lady will come out and dangle her breasts for them again!
The Indians are very curious people, especially the men. It can get very tiring at times. I was sat round the lake in Puskar the other day doing some sketching when to young boys approached.
"Hello madam. Where are you from."
They always start a conversaton like this!
"England."
"What is your name."
"Carly."
"Carly. Like goddess."
Yes, like Goddess."
What is your job Madam."
"Teacher." I know this is a lie but being a teacher gets you huge respect over here.
"What do you earn."
"$300 a year." Another lie but I don't want them thinking I'm rich as they might start asking me to buy stuff.
"Are you married."
"No!"
"Oh! I am very sorry because you should be married at your age."
This is so the wrong thing to say to me.
"Well actually I am very glad I am not married and I have my freedom and I probably will never get married!" I rant. So begins the ravings of a mad woman. I start to lecture them on how I love being a western woman and having the same rights as men, that we all not sinners in the west, that just because I have blonde hair does mean you can feel my arse, that women are not a lesser human being, and that women are much more intelligent then men. They sit there a bit shell shocked and lost for words and then just leave. Note to ones self: Must do more feminist ranting when wanting to get rid of unwanted attention.
I am now in Udiapur which is where the James Bond movie "Octopussy" was filmed. Love Bond! I am going on a whole days horse tracking tomorrow which I'm very excited about. Don't worry I'm much better on a horse than on a moped. Apart from that time I fell off one eyed Spruce( actually only did have one eye!) I have never been to hospital.

OBSERVATIONS
* Old Indian people put henna in their hair, which makes it look like the worst sun in job you have ever seen in your life.

* The cities in India are so polluted that when you blow your noise your snot comes out black.

* I have realised that the most used hotels in India are the railway station platforms, and why not? They have all the facilities you could need: a bed (The bench), 24 hour room service (Street cleaner and food cart sellers) and showers (Actually the drinking water tap, but the locals use it as a shower and strip down to their underwear on the platform and get out the soap."

* Indians do not know how to say no!