YES MADAM!

I do believe it must be against the law or something to have a good nights sleep in India. I don't think I have a undisturbed night since I have been here! There is always some noise or another: your neighbours having loud sex, someone coughing up their insides or nosiy crap ringtones. I thought at least in Puskar I would get a good nights kip, it being the quietest place on my trip. Oh, but no! At five on the dot the music speakers come on full whack playing some Indian song that is sung by a woman who sounds like she is being impaled! This goes on for a least an hour on repeat and then they play another god awful song on repeat for another hour. Then the other night I was woken at about 2am to the sound of a dog yelpng in the yard below me, so I swing open my doors and go and look down off my balcony to find about five of the guesthouse boys whacking their dog with a stick!
"Hello" I shout "Do you think you could stop doing that!"
They all stop what their doing and look up at me with beaming smiles.
"Yes madam! Don't worry we don't kill it we just teach lesson." says the ringleader
"Well I think it is very cruel! Whats it done!"
"Yes madam. It kill duvet and my 950 ruppes jeans. Very expensive madam."
Its then I notice the left overs of a duvet and jeans scattered across the yard.
"Oh!" I say "Well can't you get it a muzzle."
"Yes madam. What is muzzle Madam."
Oh god! why did I start this coversation.
"It's a strap that you put round a dogs noise to stop it biting."
"Yes madam. We have."
Wait a second!
"Why did you ask me what a muzzle was if you already have one."
"Yes madam."
"You don't have one do you."
"Yes madam."
Then it clicks. I look down at these smiling faces and realise the whole time they have been getting a great view up my vest top, even the dog has stopped yelping and is sat looking, tounge out and panting. Oh my god! They are looking at my tits! I quickly fold my arms and run inside shouting, "Just tie it up then!"
The next morning as I check out the ring leader smiles and says he is sorry that I am leaving as he will miss my pretty face. Yeah mate! Its not my face your going to miss, I think! Its a good job I left as I do believe they would be quacking the poor dog with sticks every night, just so the English lady will come out and dangle her breasts for them again!
The Indians are very curious people, especially the men. It can get very tiring at times. I was sat round the lake in Puskar the other day doing some sketching when to young boys approached.
"Hello madam. Where are you from."
They always start a conversaton like this!
"England."
"What is your name."
"Carly."
"Carly. Like goddess."
Yes, like Goddess."
What is your job Madam."
"Teacher." I know this is a lie but being a teacher gets you huge respect over here.
"What do you earn."
"$300 a year." Another lie but I don't want them thinking I'm rich as they might start asking me to buy stuff.
"Are you married."
"No!"
"Oh! I am very sorry because you should be married at your age."
This is so the wrong thing to say to me.
"Well actually I am very glad I am not married and I have my freedom and I probably will never get married!" I rant. So begins the ravings of a mad woman. I start to lecture them on how I love being a western woman and having the same rights as men, that we all not sinners in the west, that just because I have blonde hair does mean you can feel my arse, that women are not a lesser human being, and that women are much more intelligent then men. They sit there a bit shell shocked and lost for words and then just leave. Note to ones self: Must do more feminist ranting when wanting to get rid of unwanted attention.
I am now in Udiapur which is where the James Bond movie "Octopussy" was filmed. Love Bond! I am going on a whole days horse tracking tomorrow which I'm very excited about. Don't worry I'm much better on a horse than on a moped. Apart from that time I fell off one eyed Spruce( actually only did have one eye!) I have never been to hospital.

OBSERVATIONS
* Old Indian people put henna in their hair, which makes it look like the worst sun in job you have ever seen in your life.

* The cities in India are so polluted that when you blow your noise your snot comes out black.

* I have realised that the most used hotels in India are the railway station platforms, and why not? They have all the facilities you could need: a bed (The bench), 24 hour room service (Street cleaner and food cart sellers) and showers (Actually the drinking water tap, but the locals use it as a shower and strip down to their underwear on the platform and get out the soap."

* Indians do not know how to say no!

RELIGION RULES

Did you know that Carly (Me!), is actually a goddess in India (you spell it Kali but it's pronounced the same). I would like to say that she is good and beautiful but if the truth is told she has eyes red with intoxication and in absolute rage (A Kevin), her hair is shown disheveled (Often the case with me!) , small fangs sometimes protrude out of her mouth (Before I had a brace) and her tongue is lolling (happens when drunk sometimes). She is often shown naked or just wearing a skirt made of human arms and a garland of human heads (Would wear if found in Topshop). So really she sums me up quite well. Religion rules life hear in India and I now I find myself in one of its its holy places, Puskar in Rajasthan. Its a chilled little town surrounding a lake which the Hindu's come to bathe in and worship. It all sounds so lovely and nice doesn't it apart from the lake is probably toxic with pollution and you would not get me to wash in it if you paid me a million quid as your skin would most likely melt off. The surrounding ghats are also covered in cow shit from the hundreds of free roaming terrors. There is also a lot of bird shit. To walk around the Ghats you have to take your shoes off so you spend your time not looking at the beautiful view of the lake but looking down at the ground to check you are not walking in shit. My feet as I type are encrusted with bird shit and god knows what (Nice!) All that said I really like Puskar. Its quiet and chilled after Delhi and Jaipur, which were full on. I have got myself a nice little room with a balcony and a view over the town to die for, so I will look at the lake from there (Nicer on the feet). I intend to be a lady of leisure here and sit and drink tea and sketch from balcony.
As said I have just come from Jaipur which was great fun as I met three Aussie guys (Ed, Nathan and Alex) on the bus on the way there. I love the Aussies their just chilled and so much fun. I was grateful for them on the bus as, it was a long journey and some old man tried to sit himself on my lap in a very un Grandad kind of way until Nathan pulled him off. Me and Alex have gone on to Puskar as the others have gone Tiger spotting somewhere or another. Have nothing more to say. Well I do but I feel a little tired so can't be arsed to write anymore. I'm not even go to observations!

SOME TIMES IT HARD TO BE A WOMAN....

Indian is not the easiest of countries to travel at the best of times, so being a single, white, blonde woman makes it ten times worse. Its the constant staring which is the most annoying thing and then there is the accidental brushing past which usually happens to be located in the breast or arse area. I just slap their hands now and shout "Your a very bad man!", really loud which embrassess them in front of everyone. I thought about dying my hair dark but remembered the last time I tried and it went green at the roots and there was also that time I literally dyed it red for the red ball at uni (I know how original) and it wouldn't wash out, just went pink, so I thought better about that idea. Instead I decided to buy myself a Salwar Kameez, which is the traditional dress like tunic and trouser combo with the dupatta (long scarfe). Yes I do look like a complete idiot and like one of those "I'm going to become just like the natives" type people, who I hate, but I really don't care as the percentage of "brushing" has reached zero when I wear it. Also they are actually really cool and comfortable and I have decided to make the tunic into a mini dress when I get home and will make the neck line lower too. So it will be a Slag Salwar Kameez. Brilliant!
Went to see the Taj Mahal today. I always worry when you go and see something you have wanted to see for a long time and its a real dissapointment (The Statue of Liberty was tiny and crap)! It was not so this time. It is more beautiful in reality than the pictures you see. It has a another worldly quality about it, something so perfect that it does not look real. Of course there were shit loads of tourists there doing the thing that they do best: taking photos of everything and anything. I joined in my striking my Princess Di pose in front of the Taj and let Faye and Eddie (a nice English couple I have been hanging around with) take the picture, much to to the amusement of the Indians who looked a bit bemused by it. Well a least it was a change from them perving at me.
I'm moving on to Jaipur tomorrow and into the state of Rajasthan which is full of history, so you can imagine how excited I am. I think I have to miss out Varanasi as I do not have enough time, which is a bit gutting. Never mind. Next time.

OBSERVATIONS

* I do not seem to have had, one decent nights sleep since I've been in Indian due to the fact there is always seems to be someone next door to me, yaking up something like there dying and some dogs barking and mauling each other to death outside.

* All the men keep asking me if I'm married, so I have started to tell them I'm engaged to get them off my backs. Then they ask when the wedding is. Jan better get working hard as I have told them its after christmas.

* Its official I have had a curse put on me, by Indians version of the lady boy (the Hijaras). They are eunchs that are believed to bring good luck. They go round asking for money for it. If you do not give them any, they curse you, as I found out when I refused to give them 10 ruppes so they pinched my cheek and cursed me. To which my response was "Am I bothered!" I am a little bit though as last time we were in India Becky B cursed the gods and got a noise and eye infection in return.

* I seem to have mice following me every where as one decided to invite itself into my room last night. I went to get the guesthouse owner who had a "I can't be arsed!" search while eating a samosa, then said "No mouse!" and just left. So I thought guess thats, that then! Off to bed.

HOLY COW!

Holy cow is exactly what I thought today when it actually occurred to me that I am walking round the most mental, busiest streets in Deli, completely on my own and on the other side of the world, without a soul I know within a good couple of thousand miles from me. What the hell am I doing! You see I scare myself sometimes, not just my family! I have calmed myself now. I Think I had a bit of cabin fever from the bloody 27 hour train journey I did from Goa. It was not too bad I did have a sleeper seat and it had food and air con. I also had a family opposite me with a matriarchal father who was conducting business on his phone the whole journey. It would have not been to bad if ring tone was not Brian Adams and the "Summer of 69", going off every 2 seconds. He also snored like a pig! I did start to get a dodgy stomach half way through the journey, which was not too bad until someone threw up in the western toilet and so had to use the crouching one instead which are never good for me with my giraffe legs.
When it came to getting off the train I was completely petrified! I was not quite sure where I was and being the only westerner around I got mobbed by everyone. The fear was short lived though as it only takes a taxi driver trying to rip me off, to get the girl going again and Kevin unleashed. Yes I'm back in business. In fact I feel more at home roaming around the streets of Deli than I ever did in Arambol. Stuart said before I left that he did not think it was my scene and he was right. I never feel comfortable on my own in these ideal western Hippie communities, there is always a feeling of wanting to belong but for me always feeling on the outside. I am happy to get lost among the crowds, lay no roots and be a nomad. That's just the way I am.
I am off to Agra tomorrow to see the Taj Mahal, something I have wanted to do for so long and it is also my first cross off on my, "places to see before you die" list (I know I'm sad!) Can't wait.

OBSERVATIONS

* most travelers dress so bad. I too am one. I would never wear what I am wearing now at home ie. those Ali Baba style pants that look like you have shat yourself (well not in public).

* The cows in Deli have the most ugly arse holes

* Most Indian men snore really loud. Before you start I am not sleeping around I was in the train sleeper carriage, remember?

* I am very brave as the whole time I have been writing this blog there has been a mouse running around my feet!

* Nobody ever play Brian Adams the "Summer of 69" around me again as I can be held responsible for my actions.

GOAN STAY!

First things first, a quick catch up with lady Warrington, over the last 6 months:
Got back from traveling, did not write blog as promised, worked loads, got very tired, got drunk a few times, brought some clothes, watched crap telly, finished job, went to Goa for a week with my sister, decided not to get on flight back, and wham bam, we are up to date which is me sat on a guest house balcony in Arombol north Goa writing you this blog. The reasons for staying are quite simple really: the sun, the sea, the sand, the food, the cheapness and because life is too bloody short! Anyway didn't fancy coming back to rain, no job and the thought of having to watch Loose Women up till Xmas is enough to put anyone off. Everyone who knows me well knows what a history geek I am and it has been my dream for some time now to go and see the north of India with its many palaces, the Taj Mahal, and Varanasi, (Also some are on the list of my BBC book “100 places to see before you die” and as I'm 30 next year I really need to get a move on!) As no one wanted to do it with me I thought I would do it on my own, which is good as I have always thought I was bloody good company!
As said I am now in Arambol, hanging out with Paula's friend Stuart, who is staying out here. Arambol is a cool place with a chilled atmosphere and an strange mix with ropey old hippies, happy clappers and the gap year students, mixed in with the locals. Not quite sure what category I fit into, for I have always liked the idea for of being a hippy, but I'm far to cynical and I'm definitely no gap year student anymore. I guess I'm in my own category which is, a Lady that travels (I like the sound of that!)
Off to Deli on the the sleeper train (For 25 hours!) on Wednesday, which is when I will become a single traveler. A bit nervous, but its good to be and I have now become use to the stares which follow you everywhere, besides it will be an adventure and every time I have bad moment I will just think of day time TV and I will be glad I am here.

Apology

I would like to apologize for any offense I caused in my last entry on my comments about air cabin crew. My sister is air cabin herself and I know how hard they work. Still think you all have false smiles though!

Observations

I think I have become the “Haggling Queen” taking my title from my former mentor Miss Rebbecca Brown!

I have never seen a fat nippy.

Now that I'm not hanging around with my sister and the air cabin anymore, my consumption of Alcohol is almost zero and my liver is functioning again.

I have to stop thinking I'm a good singer when I am drunk. Did Karaoke again! Did “Big Spender” again! Sang it with the pilot Captain Bob aka Mr T.