SANTA BABY!

Santa baby, I've been a awful good girl. So I would like the following for Christmas. Well a girl can dream can't she!

I have a little collection of perfumes. With my favourite being Jo Malone orange blossom but I do believe this could be up there as a new contender, with its fruity smell mixed with Iris. Love it!



Do Son Eau De Toilette Diptyque £58 www.spacenk.co.uk

I do love my bags and I do love art deco, and this little number by Laura Bohinc combines the two wonderfully. Unfortunately the price is not so lovely.



The Tatiana clutch bag £675 www.larabohinc.com/start.html

I'm loving the sailor look at the moment and I have always loved the 1950's so when I saw this dress I just thought I have to have it. Unfortunately it has sold out. Dam it!




The Bettie Page Wiggle captain dress £65 www.pinup-parade.com

As its getting very cold I need some new gloves and these look very lady like.



Leather driving gloves around £30 http://leatherglovesonline.com

OBSERVATIONS

* I have very expensive tastes.

TIS THE SEASON TO BE JOLLY?

It soon became apparent to me after I got back that I had returned to a very depressed house hold, it must have been bad as this was coming from an actually depressive. "I'm the only depressive in this house!" I thought. It would have been quite easy to join in but instead it had quite the reverse affect. I just couldn't bear it so I set on a course to spread Christmas cheer ( From now on then if I get depressed everyone has to be depressed too, to cure me of it, OK!). The first thing I did was go and get a Christmas tree, much to Jan disdain as it appears I am going out with Germany's answer to Ebenezer Scrooge! He says he doesn't like Christmas, to which I said "Well you won't like all those presents I got you either, so I will have to take them back!" He shut up after that. Well anyway, its amazing what a £30 tree from B&Q and some cheap Dec's from Asda can do to lift the spirits. Oli did most of the decorating of the tree in true prop man style: I threaded some popcorn which oli said looked like a bunch of bones: Sam came home to find the tree done, so just moved all the decorations round, so she felt like she did her bit and Jan just stayed on his computer! (Bar Hum bug!)



Later still caught up in the Christmas feel, me, Angus and Sam let off one of Angus's paper lanterns with a wish and saw it float high above the Hackney night sky (You so know Hackney police got loads of phone calls about a UFO being in the area that night).



To add to the merriness I have brought a festive CD with Frank Sinatra and Bing Crosby, which I will play at our house Xmas dinner on Thursday, which will probably just turn into a piss up as there will not be anything to eat as I will burn everything!

OBSERVATIONS

* I seem to be spending a lot of time just sat on the toilet, as the bathroom is the warmest room in the house. Bloody freezing!

* I am actually missing picking all the dirt out of my nails, like in India (Well it's something to do isn't it!)

* The best way to Christmas shop is just to get pissed! Me and the sister, Paula do it every year on our annual Christmas spree. Its amazing how presents look so brill when your drunk, instead of a pile of crap!

WHO'S THE DADDY!

Indians just love their mobile phones. Even though it is one of the poorest countries on earth everyone seems to have one, even the beggars on the street (they probably ring each other to see how business is doing!) This is why India has the quickest growing phone market in the world with 2.4 million new users every month! The biggest lovers of their phones though are the Indian men who seem to see it as some sort of penis extension. At every opportunity they can't wait to whack it out and show off their little handset, especially in front of the women. They parade all their phones capabilities by taking photos every second (Usually of me when I'm not looking, so they can show it to their mates and say I'm their girlfriend!) and playing some awful Bollywood music to the max when your trying to sleep on the bus. They must think, us westerners have never seen a phone before they way they carry on with theirs. I use to keep my phone hidden due to security and not wanting any attention, but with my recent annoyance with local men, I just couldn't resist pulling out the iPhone in front of them and seeing their facing drop at the sight of my penis extension. Who's the daddy now I thought.
It was only the phone stunt that gave me any sort of pleasure on my final train journey back to Delhi from Jaisalmer. The 19 hour journey, which turned into 24 hours due to delays, was so long long it felt like pulling teeth. Opposite me there was an American woman who instead of being fed up of Indian men's constant questioning, loved it, because it meant that she could about herself for hours on end (Being American she was very good at it!) I had to listen to how she had found her spiritual soul in India and about her meditation and all the Guru's she had met. All I could think of was I wonder how many of those Guru's she has probably slept. Then some strange half dead looking traveler guy (Some people stay in India to long!) appeared on the train and kept trying to talk to me. I think he was Irish but was not quite sure as I could not understand what he was saying half the time (To many drugs!)
After finally reaching Old Delhi train station, I then survived a Tuk Tuk drive from hell to Paharganj. The driver who had an extra thumb was the worst driver I have ever met in my life and believe me with all my time in Asia that is saying something. He bashed about 6 vehicles, knocked a old man off his bike, kept stopping to talk to his mates, and then dropped something under his seat and proceeded to look for it while still driving. Then at the end of it the cheeky bastard asked for a tip!, to which my response was: "Tip! Tip! You should be paying me for that journey. You have also added 10 years to me alone on one trip and as a woman reaching 30 next year I really don't need that now!" He smiled and laughed
"Yes madam! Tip madam!" I don't know why I bother sometimes!
I spent my last night in Delhi intending to do some shopping but after an encounter with a young jewellery designer who asked me to go and drink chai with him (He looked like my brothers best mate Adam, so I decided to trust him), I found myself with all his mates, (who were all young Kashmiri's,) and a group of Brits and Aussies drinking beer till midnight which is very hard core in India. So I got no shopping done and went out on a high on my last night which was needed after my negativity in Jaisalmer.
The flight home passed without much incident apart from the man next to me who kept doing smelly farts. Jan came to meet at the airport with a flower which I later left on the tube as we nearly missed our stop through gabbing. The flat was little changed apart from being more untidy and with more collected junk from the house mates taking up more space. The weather is like ice as predicted and I find myself not use to it anymore and have being wearing my sexy thermals under my clothes. I walked round the supermarket yesterday with the trolley in a daze not collecting anything and got myself in a bit of a tizz at the thought of having to select and cook a meal for the first time in over a month. So I had to ring Jan to come and help me much to his horror of having such a useless girlfriend. It's always the same when I get back from my travels: the readjustment to the cold, the orderliness of everyday life. it is everything that India is not. Yes India is dirty, poor, annoying and hard but I would not change it for the world. It is my favourite country out of all I have been to. It has a life and an unpredictability to it that makes it so exciting, like an adventure. I miss it already, well apart from the smell of urine.

FACTS OF INDIA

Yes no observations this time. I thought it would be nice to end my trip on something different!

* The largest employer in the world is the Indian railway system, employing over a million people !

* India has the most post offices in the world !

* The number of births that occur in India each year is higher than the entire population of Australia?

* The only country in the world that has a Bill of Rights for Cows is India?

* people below poverty line: about 260 million

* India's percentage of global car population
India's share of global car accidents: 10%

P.S This blog will be continuing. I know I said that last time, but this time I promise.

CONVERSATIONS WITH INDIA

I am going through a drought. A drought that is of interesting travellers! Since I left the Aussie boys, and apart from one day with an Irish girl I have met people of little interest to me. All there seems to be is couples who after months of traveling together cannot bear the sight of each other and would rather read ever inch of the Lonely Planet than partake in conversation with each other: The spiritual travellers who are trying so hard to be different they all end up looking the same and finally the older package groups who swarm round in clans. Instead I have found myself spending my time with the locals. The first of my interactions came at the lake in Udiapur with a young girl who's name I could not pronounce, who was doing the daily wash with her mother. It was probably not the best of conversations as she could not speak any English and me no Hindi. She also was very keen on taking my bracelets and my Ray Bands in exchange for a tatty piece of gum. So in fact if I think about it she was trying to fleece me! My next encounter was with the travel agent know as Mr A. I am normally very suspicious of agents but Mr A was quite different altogether. A short plump little man with a starched collar and prim and proper tie, Mr A as well as travel agent also seems to be an Agony Aunt (Or should I say Uncle) to the travellers of Udiapur. He will answer any questions: How do I get there? Which is the best place to eat? What is cheaper? And what shade do you think suits me best? I spent the evening hanging in his shop along with other travellers searching for words of wisdom and found that my faith was restored in the India people, especially the men, after meeting him. I told him that he was a very good man. To which he replied
"Yes madam. I think about it alot and yes I am very good man, I am the best man!" Well yes a good man but probably not the most modest.
The next day I proceeded to Jodphur on the bus booked by Mr A. For an Indian bus it was a quite high standard (That means it did not look like is was about to fall apart any second!) On that trip I met an old man who use to be a maths teacher. Unlike the last old man on my bus trip he did not try and sit on me. He decided he would teach me some Hindi instead. After a short but intense lesson I now know how to say "What is your name?" Which I use on the locals before they get a chance to use it on me, which proper throws them, and then I learnt to say can I have one Chai (Indian tea) without sugar, as the chai comes with enough of the stuff to rot your teeth. Actually I'm surprised Indian have any teeth at all as they put shit loads of sugar on everything and I can't stand it.
Armed with my Hindi and my new faith in India I arrived in Jodphur and attacked it with a new found confidence. The hassles, the stares, the constant battles to get anything done did not bother me anymore. I stayed in the heart of the old city (or blue city as it's called because it's painted blue!) where there are little tourists (Brilliant!) I went to the night market with the mission to get Deb's a bed spread and me, some of the amazing fabrics that India, especially Rajasthan has to offer. It was there that I met two brothers who owned a fabric shop. I became their very demanding but good customer and I spent most of the afternoon hanging out in their shop drinking chai, showing them the new wonders of the I-Phone, talking Bollywood and Harry Potter. I even got to meet the family which was a lot of them, a bloody lot of them!. I do believe that was my favourite day in India so far.
It's funny how one's faith can fade so fast though. All it takes is 24 hours of the shits and vomiting for you to become another person. I caught the night train to Jaisalmer and during that trip something in my body went very wrong. I spent most of my time running back and two to the toilet which is not that easy when your on the top berth in a carriage of pervy Indian men. When I did arrive at my destination I was met of with a swarm of men shouting
"You come with me madam!"
"My hotel is best madam."
"Cheap hotel madam."
"What is your name madam."
In my bad way I'm afraid to say Kevin was unleashed:
"Will you just piss off!" I screamed
After having my usually 5 minutes cool down, I went with one of them to a clean little guesthouse, where I have spent the last day vomiting and with the shits, only once leaving on a horrible trip to the chemist with the owners young son as carer. Its not very pleasant being sick in the street in front of the locals but don't feel too guilty as it will go very nicely with the smell of urine and cow shit that is everywhere.
Today I have managed the walk to the fort which is very beautiful but touristy, with people trying to sell you anything, to which my response is a bit like a Rottweiler on heat, especially to the men. I think I might head butt one of them soon. Oh well maybe my faith will return when my strength does or I'll be in jail for assault instead.

OBSERVATIONS
* I saw my first case of bride burning the other day. Down at the lake in Udiapur a woman was washing and I saw her skin was as white as mine but she was terribly disfigured. Bride burning happens when a daughter in law does not meet expectations:IE does not produce a son, so she is burnt and often outcast from the home. For every one case reported in India another 250 go unreported. Most women will say it was a cooking accident. I felt sad seeing this woman, and then angry for her hopeless situation.

* Indian men are very vain, especially the young. There always looking in the mirror and combing their gel caked hair. Their fashion is very dodgy as well: Lots of low buttoned shirts with chest hair and jeans so tight that I'm surprised India has such a high birth rate!

* After the Mumbai attacks everyone keeps asking what it's like here. Well I will tell you: Nothing! Its like it never happened, life goes on as normal. The media as always hypes the public into the belief that everywhere is unsafe these days. My view on the matter: you could get run over by a bus tomorrow. The only way you will ever be safe is stay in a box and I don't want to be in a box. Life is meant to lived.