DELHI: UNLUCKY FOR SOME!

I'm actually quite a superstitious person, even though I should know better. I don't like walking under ladders; I still say " Hello Mr Magpie" when I see the evil bird, to stop its curse; I would never bring peacock feathers into a house and I hate, simply hate, the number 13!!!!
This being 2013, there is no way of getting away from the number, because of this I have convinced myself that this year will not be a good year. The fact that I am going traveling this year as well, has left me with the under lying sense of fear that this trip, I'm going to be very unlucky, and the the start of our travels haven't gone quite to plan. We have had a run of bad luck, my prediction seems to be coming true! Now you might think I'm sounding dramatic, but ladies and gentlemen of the jury I will hereby put to you my case. I now present to you the evidence!

EVIDENCE 1: Pissing Dogs!

The bad luck started before I even left for the airport. I'd been staying with my friend Laura May and was waiting for her to walk with me to catch the train to the airport. I closed up my back pack and turned away for a minute. When I turned back I was greeted with a site!
"Laura! Your dog has just pissed all over my back pack God Dam it!" I screamed. Laura's young dog Ping Pong had decided to mark his territory all over my bag. After a sponge and some detox I managed to clean it up. Though thinking about it I shouldn't of bothered, because after 2 months in India it's going to be so dirty and smell a hundred times worse! Ping Pong will be having his balls chopped off next week. That will teach not piss on people's bags!

EVIDENCE 2: The Nacho

We were sat at Heathrow airport getting something to eat before we got on the plane, as I don't do plane food (it grosses me out)! I'd ordered Nachos and was happily munching away until I swallowed the wrong way and then suddenly I felt a nacho impaled in the back of my throat. The pain was actually immense. I couldn't unwedge it and then I had sudden visions of me choking to death. Oh God! Choking to death on a nacho at Heathrow airport is not the way I want to go. Lauren wasn't really helping as she was sort of doing a concerned face but trying not to laugh at the same time, as I was coughing and gagging! Luckily I managed to dislodge it after a while with orange juice and gagging (nice I know)! I now have a phobia of Nachos and may never be able to go to Mexico again.

EVIDENCE 3: Liars

We arrived in Delhi after an 8 hour flight. I had booked us 3 nights accommodation at a guest house in the area of Paharganj. It's let's just say not the most scenic area but has lots of, let's say.......character! OK it's just bloody cheap and right near the train station! Having stayed in that area before I should of known better. You see I had a map with street names and the guest house on it, but its of no God Dam use at all, as nothing has any signs or street names. Paharganj is actually one big mess. If I could try and describe it in words it would be like this: You know that game Jenga? It's like that where you started building a block but after to much pressure it starts falling down, so you just start building another one next to it, or even on top. That's basically Pahraganji; a place falling in on itself!
Our taxi driver (Like nearly all taxi drivers in India!) hadn't got a clue where our guest house was. So me and Lauren decided to get out and walk. It must be nearby I thought. Now I haven't been in Asia or India for over 4 years now, Oh and how quickly we forget the rules of the game. I should of known that no one in places like this tell the truth. All they want is a quick buck out of you. In Britain when you ask for directions, you get a simple truthful answer. Not in India; you are met with a barrage of lies:
"No madam, the guest house is down there"!
"No Ladies, I tell you I know guest house follow me."
"Which guest house, there are three by this name."
"This guess house is not here anymore."
I turn around. Lauren looks like a rabbit in the head lights. It's her first time in Asia (talk about throwing her in at the deep end)!
"I don't trust anyone Carly" she says a little scared.
"Good Lauren, your learning fast. Rule number one of travelling: Trust no one, but sometimes you just have to go with it."
I decide to follow a guy who says he knows where the place is. It becomes quite apparent after a bit that he doesn't and is trying to take us some where else. I'm getting annoyed and Lauren just looks scared to death. In the midday sun, with jet lag and our back packs on, we are easy pickings. After a long time searching, I call it quits and book us into a guest house that is recommended by my guide book. We never found our original guest house and lost our deposit which was a whole £3 people. Do you know what you can do in India with that type of money?

EVIDENCE 4: The Freezer

You shouldn't really trust guide books either; there kind of hit or miss, but at this stage I don't really care. We just need a bed before we drop. Having stayed in Pahraganji twice before I kind of know what sort of room to expect for our price range. They are usually windowless cells with hard beds and hot water is temperamental. After searching round Pahraganji a lot in the past, I still have not found a good room, at a good price. I don't think it was quite what Lauren was expecting. She seems a bit overwhelmed by it all. We ask if there is hot water. They say yes. I tell Lauren it's not a bad room. It's kind of clean and I've seen a lot worse. We take it. Being in the north of India, Delhi is not the warmest at the moment, especially at night, because its winter here. That said its probably hotter than most English summer days. After a little nap, we try for a shower but guess what? The water is ice cold. I decide we should try it in the evening. Guess what? It was cold in the evening too! It is also becoming apparent that our room is like a freezer too, even with our sleeping bag liners and warm clothes on. We shiver most of the night (Before you ask, heating is non existent in India)! The next day there is still no hot water and me and Lauren are too cold to bare it. When we go outside we realise its a lot hotter than our room. Our room is some freaky freezer! We end up sleeping in our clothes. Lauren gets a cold. I get a cold. I look like some wild woman with unkept hair and dirty clothes. We look terrible! Oh and just so you know; we didn't wash for 3 days because of the God Dam freezer!

EVIDENCE 5: Shit Happens

India is not the cleanest country in the world. In fact it's pretty Dam hard to keep clean around here. Exhaust fumes, litter and there's this big problem that, well, that its not just the dogs, but people who have to go to the toilet in the street. It's dark and we are walking back from dinner. At this time the shop keepers like to their part to keep India clean by throwing water into the street at the end of a long day. It doesn't really do any cleansing, but kind of just makes a big slurry. I skip and jump over the puddles, knowing to avoid them. Lauren does her best. We get back to the room and we our reading when we look at each other:
"Can you smell something"?
After some investigation we locate the culprit. Lauren's trainers. She has stood in shit and I'm not sure if the animal variety! Lauren looks mortified. I give her a load of baby wipes( thank God for wet wipes). I would of helped but after having cleaned a chihuahua's ass last week, I feel I have done my shit rota for the year.

EVIDENCE 6: The train Ticket

As things weren't going to well, me and Lauren decide to get the hell out of Delhi.
"Let's get a train. It's easy. I've done it loads of times before" I say.
Well it use to be easy. We walk up to New Delhi station and we are soon bounced apon!
"Where are you going lady"
"You can't buy ticket here"
"Tourist office has moved, you must go Connaught place"
"I give you Tuk Tuk ride"
" I work here. You trust me."
I know it's all lies, but they don't stop following us and become quite aggressive with it. One even says to get out my guide book and look to see that he is telling the truth.
The guide says:
"Don't let any one try and stop you entering the building. Do not believe anyone who tells you the tourist office has shut or moved, and do not give anyone your ticket."
Is this guy stupid or what?
We sneak in and get to the 1st floor where the tourist office should be. We can't find the place and the station is blocked off in places. We eventually find a counter that will sell us a ticket to Amristar. It has the right date, the right location, is for 2 adults, as cheap as chips and is sold by an official. Great! The next day we arrive early to run the gauntlet. Some guy harasses us and wants to see our ticket. I say no. He becomes aggressive and we walk away. We find our platform and the train before ours rolls in. It's a bit of a free for all as people scrabble to get on the already over crowded train. It's a bit like a cattle car and bodies are pushed up to the windows or people just hang off the side.
"Is our train going to be like that, Carly?" Says a worried looking Lauren.
"Of course not" I reply confidently. The truth is I haven't got a clue. You never know what your going to get train wise in India. It's like a Kinder Surprise. Of course I don't tell Lauren that. Our train arrives and its surprising well ordered and nice. We get on and plonk ourselves in some seats. As we sit there it becomes apparent that everyone is looking for their seat numbers. I look at our ticket. There are no seat numbers. I ask a kind looking gentleman, where they are on my ticket, as most trains I have been on don't have them. A crowd forms, and soon we know the awful truth. This is the wrong train. The man behind the desk has given us the wrong time. OMG! I bet it was the cattle car train before this, we were meant to get on, I think. No wonder it was like 2p for the ticket! I'm panicking. I can't stay another night in Delhi in the freezer!
A man informs us the train leaves in 15 minutes and I might have time to buy some tickets.
"Lauren stay with the bags" I scream and I'm off through New Delhi station like a whippet. I get to the desk. There is a big queue. SHIT! There is only one thing for it. I bring out my secret weapon: The damsel in distress. Before I know it I have a group of men helping me fill in forms and I'm at the front of the queue. Unfortunately I have the slowest, most monotone woman in the world behind the desk. After typing in her computer for what seems like an age, she informs me that there is only first class left. SHIT!
"I'll take them" I say
The price flashes up on the board. SHIT! They are really expensive! (Well peanuts in England, but expensive for India).Then I think about the freezer again.
"I'll take them" and throw a lot of money at her. She then goes off and talks to her manager for a bit, and I'm thinking you have to be kidding me! In the mean time the rip off guy who tried to take my ticket off me turns up. Not good timing.
"Lady your in the wrong queue"
I let rip.
"Just get lost. Do you think I'm stupid! Your a bloody liar. Now just go away" I scream. Everyone is looking. I shove my head under the hole in the counter.
"Luv, could you hurry up! I've got a train to catch in a minute"!
She slowly walks back and passes me the ticket.
"Change? I need change!" I'm frantic now. This seems to be an after thought on her part and she slowly opens the draw and slowly counts the change. I think I'm going to hit her. I grab the change and run. We get on the train and as it pulls away from Delhi I feel a great sense of relief. Stuff you Delhi I think. As Delhi is left behind us I hope our run of back luck is left behind us too. Next stop Amristar.