HIT OR MISS?

 

 My housemate Alex has an unusual dress sense.  She also has a ton of clothes.  So she has decided to do a blog called "Hit or Miss?"  It will basically involve her photographing her daily outfits and us voting whether it is a hit or a miss.  To be fair, I don't think she will really care either way.  Take for example this outfit, which is totally fine from the ankles up.  Unfortunately, she decided to team it with a pair of socks and trainers that would only look good on a German lesbian hiker.  In fact that is insult to them.  No one could look good in those things.  I did try to tell Alex, but she was having none of it.  Typical!  Believe it or not, we went to the local pub and she managed to pull in them!  YES!  And it was it three sentences.  

"Whats your name?'

"What do you do?"

"Can I have your number?"

Alex said it must have been the trainers!

VIVA LAS VEGAS

 So it was Paula, my sister's 30th.  She was never going to deal with it well.  She has been telling everyone for the last couple of years she is four years younger than she actually is.  So instead of sticking around and trying to face up to the reality of telling everyone she is actually not 26, she decided to skip the country with a close group of friends and me, who would still love her even though she is now30!!!!  The destination was Las Vegas.  Now I have heard mixed reviews on Vegas.  It seems its a bit like Marmite:  You either love it or hate it.  I was expecting my opinion to be the latter.  Trashy, uncultured, with some of the worst kind of people you will probably meet on the planet.  In fact everything I usually hate.  The only thing was, I loved it!  The fact that I couldn't get my head round the place, made it totally fascinating to me.  Throw in the fact that I'm a party girl with an addictive personality, the 24/7 drinking and gambling suited me very well.  I've never really done much gambling before apart from the annual flutter on the Grand National ( A thing I get from my dad!)  Me and Paul my mate Liz's husband became a bit of a dab hand at the Roulette and slot machines.  Paul won $450 and I won $350 on the slots, to which I was running around the Bellagio Casino like a nutter, with a whole wad of cash screaming "I love Vegas!"  It also paid for me to go and see the Grand canyon by helicopter, something I have always wanted to do and it did not disappoint. Breathtaking would be the word I would use.


Here is Lady Warrington's and the Tyler (Me and Paul) guide to gambling:

1.As long as you are gambling all the casino's will supply you a vast quantity of free drinks, usually very strong.  These are served by over made up woman with big hair, wearing a uniform which consists of a short jacket, high heels and nothing much else.  This is to make you gamble longer, because you get drunk and then think you can win, and also bang the waitress.  This tactic did not work on me and Paul as we are both Northern, so harden drinkers.  Also he's married and I'm not a Lesbian.  Casino's also have no natural day light or clocks so you loose all sense of time.  Which probably explains why I was down there most mornings at 9.00am sipping on a G&T!

2.When you go round the slot machines, don't go on one that has just done a big pay out.  There not going to cough up for a while.

3.Try stalking!  Follow round the pro's on the slots who put in tons of money.  These people are easy to spot as they are usually chain smoking, fat, look like alcoholics and wear sun visors indoors?  When they tire of a machine and have not got a big payout, this is the best time to hit the slot.

4. Know when to leave.  When your on a winning streak its best to leave as it never lasts for ever.  This is something I should of done when up on the old roulette, instead of flirting with the guy stood next to me.

5.  Never look like you don't know what you are doing.  Unfortunately I forgot this the first time on roulette by going "So how the hell do you play this?" and moving chips before being allowed to and them having to get the manager over to tell me off!  I'm so cool. NOT!

6.  The best and most important rule is:  JUST BE LUCKY! because that's what gambling is really all about; luck!

Here's the best of my pictures:

JANE FONDA WORK OUT Vs DAVID CARRADINE KUNG FU

It was that time of year again where we don silly outfits, get really drunk, dance round like idiots and trash our flat.  Yes!  it was mine and Angus's annual birthday party.  The reason there were two themes for this party this time, was because neither the boys or the girls of the house could agree.  The boys didn't like the thought of prancing about in tight lycra ( though, they seem to, a lot in everyday life?) and the girls, thought that dressing up as middle age balding faded star who hanged himself through a sexual pratice gone wrong, wasn't really sexy enough.  So thats why!  To be fair at the begining of the night I did feel that the Jane Fonda theme might have been a mistake as I sat looking at myself in front of my mirror, wearing at bright pink Leotard, thinking I might get camel's toe and that you could see my nipples pinging from underneath the fabric.  So I got straight on the old vino which I have learnt seems to make all problems in life much better; and you know what?  Once again it did not prove me wrong.  The only problem that we did seem to have was the lack of people!  At 11.00pm there still hardly any people here!  With most of the usual crew not available, I started to get into a panic.  Was this going to be our first Oslo party failure?  I should have never questioned it, because sure enough, at around 11.30pm the people started pouring in and the whole thing kicked off.  Dancing on tables, smashing glasses, people falling over, Alex flashing her breasts once again when Crystal Castles was being played, to which some girl told her "Its because of girls like you, others get raped!" which started an all night clash and Ruben came dressed as the yellow Pope.  Why?  I haven't got a bloody clue.  Its Ruben isn't it!