UDAIPUR: WASTERS & HIPPIES

I'm going to be quite frank with you now. I haven't really ever mixed with too many other travellers in India. South America, I met loads of people. The rest of Asia I've never had a problem meeting fun people, but India? No! Why? Because I really don't like most of them. The reasons for this are as follows:

1. They are all trying so hard to be different, they all end up being the same.

2. A lot of them smell!

3. Some are just total wasters!

4. Just because your travelling, this does not give you the excuse to lose all dress sense, which most of them do. Oh! and just if your thinking I'm a self righteous bitch, I include myself in this category too!

5. Some of them are just plain weird!

Ok, so travellers fall into 4 categories in India. There is:

* The tour groups. You don't really have much interaction with them as they don't really leave their 5 star hotels, or air con buses. Besides you can't really talk to sheep.

* Society's rejects: These ones are quite easy to spot as they have lots of facial hair, wear skirts (Yes men too) and smell (A lot)! These are the ones that were probably outsiders in their own world and came to India for an adventure, but 20 years later they still haven't left; they have forgotten their own name; where they came from and actually think they are Indian. We had an interaction with one at a temple the other day and he kept going on about how did they hide the temple? And did they brush leaves all over it. Me and Lauren looked at each other and made a sharp exit. I found him later talking Hindi with an Indian woman. The only problem was, he couldn't talk Hindi! Sharp exit again.

* Wasters: The ones that just are here to get drunk and stoned, like they probably do at home but just in a hotter country. In fact most of them really don't like India. These usually stick to certain areas such as Goa, Puskar, Goa and Puskar. Though they do venture out now and again, but usually have to go back to their zones when they realise they cannot get weed and alcohol on tap.

* Hippies: These are the most common. Easy to spot because of stupid dress sense and like society's rejects, they smell and have lots of hair. The difference is hippies can communicate, probably too much though, as they can't stop going on about how they have found themselves; that they love everything and to be at peace with yourself and others. They also show the characteristic of sitting crossed legged; with eyes shut; praying and humming for hours. They are clearing their minds of everything, so are probably thinking of sex and would curry veggie option they should have tonight. This is called meditation.

* Actually there is another group. The highly intelligent, amazing, fun, very attractive group, as where would I put me and Lauren? OK! We probably fall into all of the above?

Me and Lauren got the night train to Udaipur from Jaipur. As we sat waiting on the platform, I could tell Lauren was nervous, as she had never been on a sleeper train before. I guess I hadn't help by telling her not to get use to the 1st class train we had taken by accident and that I had once been felt up on a sleeper, when I was travelling a lone.
"Oh God! Is that what our train will be like?" She asked as over crowded sleeper trains went by.
"No" I replied.
"But is says sleeper on the carriage. I don't think I can sleep in that!"
"Yes Lauren, it does because it is sleeper class. We are in second class air-con because I'm being nice to you" (I thought for her first time I'd break her in gently).
The train pulls up and we find our carriage and our berths. Lauren looks pleasantly surprised.
"This is alright isn't it?" Lauren exclaimed.
Oh, thee of little faith I thought.
After a really good nights sleep, considering the rocking train and snoring old man next to us, we arrived at Udaipur station, in the early hours of the morning. While trying to haggle for a auto rickshaw we were approached by a young guy. His name was Harry, from England, only 22 and he wanted to share a ride. He looked like a pleasant person, so we said yes. As it was early, we arrived at our chosen guest house in the cold and pitch black. I expected a long cold wait until we could check into our room, as usual. The owner called Raju opened the door and said he had spare rooms, but not yet, but then escorted to a just checked out of room.
"If you don't mind if its not cleaned, you can sleep here until later, when I have ready room for you" he said.
I was quite in shock. That normally never happens, I thought. I wonder how much we are going to get charged for this. All the same we slept.

When we awoke, Raju had a lovely clean and cheap room waiting for us. Harry took a small single room next to ours. Raju then gave us free Wi-Fi and booked us cheap onward bus tickets. This guy seemed to good to be true.

After a full days sight seeing, me and Lauren sat by the lake chilling and having food. This is when Harry turned up with his friend Norman and sat with us! Norman from the moment I saw him looked like trouble. He was your stereotyped blue eyed blonde German (Berliner in fact), but his skin had shrivelled on his face from too much tanning and he had a crazed look in his eyes. Maybe this was because he was secretly drinking Rum straight from the bottle under the table, or maybe it was too much sun; or it could have been the amount of drugs he had done in Goa? Harry had met him in Puskar (Funny that)! Norman at first entertained me with his dry straight face German humour, which I like, but then he got obnoxious. Even though Norman was traveling around India on a motorbike and was learning Hindi, it was clear he didn't have much respect for Indians or even like India that much.
"Fucking Indians. All they care about is your money. They would leave you if you lay dying at the side of the road. They couldn't give a shit" he moaned. I changed the subject.
"We really want to go to Varanasi and Kolkata" I said
"You don't want to go to Varanasi, it's horrible" replied Norman.
"Oh!" I said "What about Kolkata?"
"Horrible too, though I have never been" he said.
"Well how can you say it's bad then? Have you even been to Varanasi either?" I asked shocked.
"No" he replied unapologetic " but I know it will be horrible, like most of India. I'm heading back to Goa."
Good! I thought and stay there!

Norman and Harry tried to Persuade us to carry on with them on their drinking spree, but as we were still up to our eye balls on medication and banned from drinking, we declined and went back to our guest house. Besides I was starting to think Norman was a bit of arse hole!
Later we lay in bed trying to sleep, but it was pretty hard due to the fact that some of the travellers were having a party up stairs. I don't normally mind this, as living in Hackney Wick for 5 years I'd been used to parties all the time, but this time I wasn't happy. Why?:
1. I couldn't join in any partying due to the fact I was still recovering from stupid E. coli!

2. Their music was really shit! If your going to keep people up all night, at least play descent music!

3. This wasn't some big hotel or business, it was a family home as well as a guest house. It was Raju's home, the nicest man ever and it was disrespectful to him and his family,

It carried on most of the night. I drifted in and out of sleep, hearing drunken rants, heavy music and smashing bottles. Not good. The next morning at breakfast there was a lot of unhappy people. Guests were complaining about the commotion of the night before. Raju came over to us.
"Did you hear all the noise last night" he asked.
"Yes it was terrible" I replied.
"They were all drunk and playing music. They smoked hash and were shouting. I pulled the electricity, but they came on to the roof top and carried on drinking. They then threw beer bottles in my neighbours yard. The neighbours come and shout at me this morning. This my family house" said Ruju.
"Where were they from" I asked.
"English!"
Bloody knew it! I thought. Always the stupid English.
"Look" said Raju "There is one lay there ill. I found him passed out on sofa this morning, so I put blanket over him. The others left."
I look over and see a body wrapped in a blanket, moving and groaning every now and again.
"I'd throw a bucket of water over him and chuck him out" I retorted.
"No. I couldn't do that" he said.
"Your far to nice, Raju."
We sat reading our books on the terrace when I notice a group sat at the table in front of me. The group is three women and a guy and they are all talking softly and serenely. There is something not quite right about them and I feel the need to eaves drop. It soon becomes quite clear, they are American hippies, two of whom have just been staying in an Ashram in Rishikesh.
OK! For those of you who don't know what an ashram is, it's a place of communal living established around the philosophies of a guru ( a spiritual guide or teacher) where people strive for spiritual enrichment. However some ashrams have become know for treading a fine line between spiritual community and personality cult, often of a sexual nature. I met a French woman in Jaipur that told me that one ashram made you take a HIV test before you could join!
Rishikesh is a town in India, that proclaims itself the yoga capital of the world and has a ton of ashrams. It was made famous in the 60's when the Beatles stayed at Marharishi Mahesh yogi's ashram and wrote the white album. Though it said that they soon became disillusioned with Mahesh's behaviour towards female disciples and demands of money.
Anyway! Now the explaining bit is done, back to the story!
The guy and one of the girl hippies is telling the other two girl hippies about their time in ashram and how they will love it.
Guy Hippy: Like I totally feel like I found myself there. I feel it's my spiritual home.
Girl Hippy 1: Totally. Everyone is so lovely. I love everyone there and you two will too. They will become your new family.
Girl Hippies 2 & 3: Totally.
They then start looking at photos
Guy Hippy: So this is Sabine. You will love her, and this is her lover Greg. You will love him too.
I listen more. There seems to be a lot of loving and lovers going on in this conversation, I think. They then start holding hands. Then their food arrives and still holding hands they close their eyes and start meditating. Oh God! I think, they are all so banging each other! Later I go down stairs to my room to get a book and walk past the room next to ours. It's doors are wide open and inside are the hippies and they are all stood there hugging each other saying "I love you so much!"
They are definitely all banging each other now, I think!

Later still sat reading, we receive a surprise guest! Norman! He strolls up to our table and it soon becomes clear that he is still drunk from the night before.
"What did you get up to last night" I asked, not really interested.
"We got more drink and came back here."
"You weren't one of the people that caused all the trouble here were you?" And then it slowly dawns on me. "Where's Harry?" I ask and I suddenly get up and walk over to the passed out figure rolled in the blanket. It's Harry. Total idiot! When Harry does eventually wake, Raju berates him and Norman but they deny all memories of the event and instead of apologising they find it all very funny. I've had enough! Bloody Hippies and wasters!
"Lauren, lets go. I need a walk!" And we make a sharp exit.

We settled our bill with Ruju. There was no extra charge for the early bed. He sat and told us about his family and about his new project to build a hotel. He really was a truly good man. I told him so too. I asked him how he put up with travellers and their behaviour sometimes.
"There are good and bad people everywhere, not just travellers, but Indian people too."
You see, for enrichment in your life you don't need to get wasted (though I have to be the worst for it at times) and you don't need need to join an ashram and have group sex. No! You just need good people in it, like Raju the nicest man in India!
Next stop Jodphur!