Do you want to know what the worst word is, in the english language? It's not hate; it's not greed; it's not jealously. No, it's CAN'T! It is a word that should never have been introduced into the vocab. It is a word that should never be learnt. Unfortunately it is a word I learnt a long time ago and a word that I have been using too much ever since. It is so imbedded in my psyche, that I believe I can't really do anything anymore. I say I can't do it before I have even tried. It is an unhealthily disposition to have, a loss of ones faith in ones self. My Achilles heel in life is when some one calls me stupid. I get defensive, even when it's meant as a passing joke. This is because, I have grown to actually believe that I am stupid, I even play up to it. I set out on this trip to challenge myself again and try new things. One of these things was to try and learn Spanish!
I had done two weeks of lessons for four hours a day in Costa Rica, which I was a little bit like a rabbit in the head lights. It was one of the hardest things I have done in a long time. I came away from those lessons thinking I hadn't learnt anything and that I was rubbish. I had once again gone back into my bad thought zone. Since then I have been taking the easy route hanging out with Gringo's, and talking English.
One thing I will say about me is that, I get knocked down very easily, but I will always get back up again, and so I decided it was about time I went back to Spanish lessons and try again. Laura and Luis also run a Spanish school, so it was perfect. I signed up for a week of three hours a day.
My new teachers were Sonja who I did grammar with and Carlos who did conversation. Sonja who is sweet and patient, knows English as well as Spanish, which has helped me so much, as she can explain to me the difficult grammar. All those notes and hours of grammar in Costa Rica that made no sense to me, are slowly all now starting to slot into place. Thank God!
The real revelation of these lessons though was Carlos! He is one of life's real characters and one of the best people I have ever met. Even though he speaks really no English, I have become very close to him and his wife Cecilia, who have become like parents to me in the very short time I have known them. I'm only meant to have three hours a day but it's more like five, as every night I have been asked to stay for dinner with him and cecilia, and they make me the best hot chocolate in the world, which they dip cheese in over here, which I get nausea over and can't do (me and my food phobias)! We talk art, as Carlos paints and I showed him my drawings which he got very excited over. He encourages me talk, (actually he makes me talk until I have no more brain space to learn) never laughs at me, only with me and I feel comfortable talking Spanish with him, some thing that has not happened before. He and Cecilia call me their adopted English daughter and when they walk me home every night back to my hostel, they proudly introduce me to their friends like I'm part of the family. On one of our evening walks around the town, which we usually did, to practice vocab, I told Carlos how much I wanted to speak Spanish. He laughed and said I will then. I told him I was no good at it and he laughed again and said you can speak, and you will learn to speak more and then more and then more, so do not say anymore you can't, you can!
I wish I could stay longer with Carlos, he has such passion for wanting you to learn and has ignited this passion in me as well. I will miss him and Cecilia a lot, my adopted Colombian parents. I will miss Laura, Luis and family. This place as well. There is something very special about here. I will take away from here a lot, but the most important thing I will take is the word CAN.
Im going to leave you with an Argentinean song by a lady called Mercerdes Sosa. I listen to it every day on my way to lessons. It's called la pobrecita, which means poor thing. Even though I cannot yet understand all the words, I think it's a beautiful song and she sings which such emotion. It makes me want to understand Spanish more.
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