ONE OF THE GUYS

I've never really been a girly girl. I don't like pink; I hate chick flicks and I don't cry if I snap a nail; in fact I don't give a shit about my nails! Even though I have lots of girl friends, who I would never be with out and mean the world to me, I've realised most of the time I very happy in company of just men. Why I'm not quite sure, I just find it easier sometimes. I found myself after the lost city trek, back in Taganga sharing a dorm with Seven of the guys: the Aussie dingos; the two swissy fags; Italian Ed and Jess the Brit; plus another Aussie who was already there. I was asked if I wanted to stay in a dorm with more girls, to which I replied, "why would I want to do that!" Much more more fun with guys. Besides they don't take as long in the bathroom, though it does smell more. Now the rules of being like just one of the guys are as follows
1. First and most importantly you have to be able to drink beer. I did well, but not to Aussie standards, but they are in a league of their own!

2. You have to be able to quote loads of bad stuff from the urban dictionary.

3. You have to be able to put up with peer pressure, and having the piss taken out you all the time i.e. Pussy fag and slag!

4. You can't take to long in the bathroom or getting ready to go out.

5. You must be able to put up with burping, farting and gross talk while eating ( this one I really struggled with)!

6. And finally you must not have any meaningful or serious conversations. This is just boring.

These are the rules of being one of the guys!

There is one problem with being one the guys though! I have breasts and a vagina and no matter what, you will always a girl; you realise this when everyone still keeps smacking you on the arse or telling you to get your tits out! Anyway I like being a woman, so I became the female mascot among the men instead.
Our trek group all decided to have a big night out that night. My Colombian husband Carlos came along too and insisted on sitting next to be at dinner. After dinner we hit Taganga's one and only night club which played awful music but you don't really care when your that drunk. I then had to dance with Carlos and I had to keep removing his hands from near my arse a lot! Most of the boys were trying to get it on with some Argentinean girls with very little success, which I found very amusing and the Aussies got German No 1 wasted again. In fact German No 1 seems to be having the time of his life. After the night club finishes we all still want to party and hear of a party at the Israeli hostel, which turns out to be shit as Israelis are really anti social and the drinks cost loads, not like I had to buy any, but that's not the point. So we decided to do like thirteen year olds do, and go and sit on the soccer playing field stand and drink and smoke while playing music on our i phones (how cool are we)? We crawled in the early hours of the morning, at what time I do not know.

The next morning I woke up feeling very rough and didn't really feel like doing anything much, but was dragged out of bed by the guys as they don't get hangovers, because they just get straight back on it. I was told we were going on a boat trip for the day to our own private beach. Great a day trip with a group of dysfunctional's, when I have the hangover from hell! The guys stocked up on provisions which was beer of course and off we went.

The guys got very excited when we got to the beach, and shouted "look, girls", as there were three girls already on the beach. It's like there on heat and have never seen women before. I just roll my eyes. The guys all sit under a thorn tree, like pussy fags (I'm so sorry I keep using this term but after 8 days of this being the main vocab used by people it's going to take a while to get it out of my system), while I seem to be the only one sun bathing. Not quite sure why we came to a beach then? Oh yes that right! To drink beer! Some of them did come out of the tree eventually to snorkel and harass the three girls. All that said I had an really amazing day. I guess they all amuse lots.

Even though I had protested all along that I was not going back to Cartagena with them, I found myself on the bus the next day, doing just that. The bus journey consisted of the guys asking the driver to stop for beers every two seconds, Craig cutting up a plastic bottle and shoving it in the air con to direct the air flow to him, Reuben and Craig slagging off my music (just because they have no taste!), and then them all passing out and snoring (Craig with an eye mask!)

Italian Ed left us by getting dropped off at Barranquilla, to stay at the home of some girl he had met the night before. Such a tart, but then he is Italian!

We checked into medina Luna hostel in Cartagena which is the coolest hostel ever, and the guys got straight on it, because Wednesday night was the big roof top party at our hostel and it was the place to be.

The night is all a bit of a blur, but I do remember meeting two great Canadian girls, Daniella and Angela; telling Craig and Reuben they were arse holes and all the girls becoming part of team Biskey. Actually Rueben went to bed and nearly killed himself by falling out of his bunk and was only stopped from smashing his head on the floor when his jeans got caught on the ladder, so he was just left hanging upside down from his bed until some girl found him, (God I wish I had seen him)! So all in all another crazy night. I woke the next morning feeling shit again and decided I just couldn't keep up with them anymore. It was time to admit defeat: I am not one of the guys! Our final night together was quite a mellow affair as I only drank a couple of beers, 2 mojitos, half a bottle of red wine, a margarita, and 2 vodka and lemonades and was in bed at the reasonable hour of 3.00am. It was weird saying goodbye, even though I knew I had to go for the sake of my liver and sanity, I have really enjoyed their company and have had the best time with them. I have even grown very fond of them which you would never think of for people that call you pussy fag and slag 24/7. I miss them, but thank them for one of the best weeks ever and there is not more you can ask for than that. It's time to return to being a girl again.